Speds — basketball_team 🇺🇸
5 members · TeamBranch
Season Journal
Standings
| # | Team | W | L | Pts |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| 1 | Oklahoma City Treasure-Chest | 13 | 2 | 26 |
| 2 | Boston Ring-Chasers | 12 | 3 | 24 |
| 3 | San Antonio Skyscrapers | 12 | 3 | 24 |
| 4 | Cleveland Twin-Towers | 12 | 3 | 24 |
| 5 | Detroit Engine-Roar | 11 | 4 | 22 |
| 6 | New York Over-Timers | 10 | 5 | 20 |
| 7 | Denver Horse-Track | 7 | 8 | 14 |
| 8 | Los Angeles Nursing-Home | 7 | 8 | 14 |
| 9 | Minnesota Ice-Wall | 7 | 8 | 14 |
| 10 | Houston Blast-Off | 6 | 9 | 12 |
| 11 | Phoenix No-Defense | 6 | 9 | 12 |
| 12 | Speds | 5 | 10 | 10 |
| 13 | Toronto Border-Patrol | 4 | 11 | 8 |
| 14 | Miami Heart-Attack | 4 | 11 | 8 |
| 15 | Philadelphia Injury-Report | 2 | 13 | 4 |
| 16 | Orlando Magic-Beans | 2 | 13 | 4 |
Pre-season
Get comfortable because tonight, we are about to witness something special. I can feel it. It's in the air, it's in the eyes, it's in the low rumble of 20,000 people who know they're about to live through a moment. The franchise about to step onto this court has seen it all, lived it all: legendary triple-doubles, buzzer-beating heartbreaks, 15-point fourth-quarter comebacks, and losses that shatter careers. But they're here, still and always, with that burning desire to tear everything apart. Ladies and gentlemen... Speds! Okay, let's talk about the boss. Because on this team, there's one alpha, and everybody knows it. Julius Caesar. The man is massive, a body built for basketball, and a basketball IQ that borders on indecent. When this man catches the rock, defenders back up instinctively, it's a survival reflex. And they're right, because this guy can punish you from everywhere: from three, in the post, in transition, from the free throw line with his eyes closed. He's a damn 6'8" Swiss Army knife and he cuts in every direction. And the most terrifying thing about him? It's not the stats, it's not the size, it's the calm. You know that moment where the arena is on its feet, the clock is ticking down the final seconds, sweat is pouring... And he's just chewing his gum like he's waiting for the bus? Then he loads up. And drains it. Stone cold. In front of 20,000 people on the verge of cardiac arrest. That's what a franchise player is: the guy who carries everyone on his shoulders and still makes it look easy. And here it is, ladies and gentlemen, the cherry on top, the plot twist nobody saw coming: the coach recruited George Washington. A farmer. To play professional basketball. I'll repeat for the people in the back: a farmer, with seed dibber, on an NBA hardwood. The guy showed up at his first practice asking where the locker rooms were... And went the wrong way. Twice. But the coach swears on everything holy that George Washington has "something." We don't know what exactly, but he has "something." In the meantime, the guy runs around like a headless chicken, confuses stubborn soil with the basketball, and has already racked up three technical fouls for trying to negotiate with the referee. Budget-wise, we're in the "checked the couch cushions to fund the last contract" category. Seriously, there are high school programs with better catering. The owner watches every dollar like it's his last, and the GM negotiates trades with the anxiety of a guy haggling at a flea market. But paradoxically, that might be their strength: when you've got nothing to lose, you play free. And sometimes, freedom works miracles on the hardwood.
Matchday 1 — vs Detroit Engine-Roar
79-114 (L)
Abraham Lincoln checks in for the first play! Clocking in for the shift, let's work!
A thunderous slam from George Washington hits the iron! Limited stamina under the spotlight!
Elon Musk with the careless pass! Building the impossible structure with more care, please!
Julius Caesar, this swiss-army-knife type, gets dunked on from the left corner! Poster material!
George Washington waves off the play! The authority of a farmer in that gesture!
Break. Elon Musk asks the medical staff for coffee. Request denied. Did you know? Elon Musk tried to become a rapper before basketball. The world dodged a bullet. The players emerge from the tunnel. Stern faces, clenched fists.
That one wasn't even close, George Washington! Stick to cultivating the stubborn soil!
Julius Caesar bends over, hands on knees! Exhausted like a military personnel after their service rifle overtime!
Julius Caesar coughs it up! A military personnel's grip doesn't work on the orange!
Elon Musk walks away muttering! Muttering about the impossible structure under their breath!
This potential GOAT Julius Caesar shakes hands and moves on. In the end, injury-prone body proved costly.
Julius Caesar sits on the floor in the hallway. George Washington sits down next to him. Nobody speaks. Yours truly survived this game without losing his voice. It was touch and go. See you at the next game. In the meantime: 'MasterClass: How to Fold a Fitted Sheet.' Gripping television.
Matchday 2 — vs Miami Heart-Attack
111-99 (W)
George Washington locks eyes with the opponent! The stare of a farmer who means business!
Elon Musk finishes through contact! Built tough from handling their slide rule!
George Washington with the huge double team in the paint! This basketball god says no!
Jesus Christ, this franchise cornerstone, manipulates the defense and drops the dime! A killer instinct!
Abraham Lincoln sets the screen at the perfect angle! This living legend cerebral play!
Halftime whistle! Jesus Christ slides down against the hallway wall. Little scoop: Jesus Christ tried to bribe the DJ to play his song. The DJ agreed. Nobody liked it. Back to business. The players bounce around to warm up.
Elon Musk crosses over to the rack for a double-clutch layup! Can't contain this smooth operator!
Confetti falls as Julius Caesar exits! A military personnel's grand finale on the gymnasium!
Jesus Christ boxes out for the teammate! Making room like a messiah with the game!
Julius Caesar, the military personnel from the day shift, is writing their story on the hardwood tonight!
Elon Musk seals the win! Sealed tight, the engineer gets it done!
Abraham Lincoln does a handstand. George Washington holds him by the feet. The crowd holds its breath. On my end, I discovered the arena's coffee machine was broken. The game nearly went uncommentated. Until next time! Up next: 'Life Unplugged: A Day Without WiFi.' A shocking documentary.
Matchday 3 — vs Orlando Magic-Beans
109-94 (W)
Abraham Lincoln, this tweener, announced to huge cheers! An incredible energy!
Abraham Lincoln, this once-in-a-lifetime player, knifes through for a half-court heave in transition! Wow!
Jesus Christ pokes it away! Quick fingers from competing the game!
Julius Caesar, this solid build, hits the cutter perfectly! Ridiculous creativity right on time!
Julius Caesar makes the hockey assist! The unsung play of a military personnel behind the frontline!
Halftime whistle. Jesus Christ has dried blood on his elbow but plays tough. Anecdote: Jesus Christ once wore his jersey inside out for the entire first quarter. Nobody dared say anything. Back on the court. The coach changed the starting five, that'll be a surprise.
This absolute legend Jesus Christ with a vintage pull-up jumper! The old magic is still there!
Listen to that roar! Julius Caesar attacks and the place explodes!
Abraham Lincoln sprints back on defense! This basketball god leading by example!
The legend of George Washington grows! This living legend adding another chapter along the baseline!
Elon Musk leaves everything on the den! Left it all out there tonight!
Julius Caesar launches his shoe into the air. Jesus Christ catches it. Standing ovation. During the game, my colleague ordered sushi. It arrived at the final buzzer. Perfect timing. That's it for tonight. Coming up: 'True Confessions: I Put Ketchup on Pasta.'
Matchday 4 — vs Philadelphia Injury-Report
110-104 (W)
Julius Caesar steps onto the gym! From defending the frontline to this, game time!
George Washington with the step-back finger roll! Creating space like a farmer with the seed dibber!
This all-time great Jesus Christ with the weak-side left-handed block! Incredible help!
George Washington goes to work and creates! Another assist from the left corner! Quarterback!
Julius Caesar manipulates the defense! Manipulation worthy of their service rifle on the frontline!
Back in the locker room, Julius Caesar sits down and stares at the ceiling. Did you know Julius Caesar started basketball because he was terrible at soccer? Sometimes failure leads to greatness. There they are. The coach must have found the right words.
Jesus Christ scores with scary good handles. A two-handed slam from mid-range! Too smooth!
Julius Caesar throws the captain armband to the crowd! Better than throwing the frontline!
George Washington, this hall-of-fame lock, rotates on defense! Nerves of steel team commitment!
George Washington plays like they have something to prove to every farmer watching!
This global icon Abraham Lincoln secures the win with scary good handles! Another one in the bag!
Abraham Lincoln rips off his jersey and launches it into the crowd. Julius Caesar does the same. The coach rolls his eyes. During the game, my colleague ordered sushi. It arrived at the final buzzer. Perfect timing. Thanks everyone! Up next: 'Ice Road Truckers: Uber Eats Delivery on a Rainy Night.'
Matchday 5 — vs Phoenix No-Defense
109-111 (L)
This franchise cornerstone Abraham Lincoln comes out firing! A bucket in the first minute!
This hall-of-fame lock George Washington with a cold-blooded bank shot! No conscience!
George Washington loses their assignment! Like losing the seed dibber in the workshop!
George Washington, this undersized dog, can't get an alley-oop to drop! Cold as ice tonight!
Jesus Christ digs deep for the comeback! Deep as a messiah digs into their best work!
Buzzer sounds, halftime! Elon Musk walks head down toward the tunnel. Anecdote: Elon Musk slipped on a banana peel during practice. The videos leaked. The internet never forgets. The players jog toward the court. The air is electric.
Elon Musk, this do-it-all player, gets blocked in the clutch! A rebound in traffic denies this all-time great!
Jesus Christ, this global icon, yells at the coaching staff! Heavy feet causing friction!
Julius Caesar's military personnel colleagues watch from the stands, the frontline banners held high!
Julius Caesar dribbles into trouble! Lost out there like a military personnel on the wrong floor!
George Washington reflects on what could have been. Tendency to force bad shots the difference tonight.
Elon Musk's brow is furrowed, lips pressed thin. Abraham Lincoln breathes through his nose, hard, steady, trying to calm down. While you were watching the game, I was desperately searching for my pen. Still haven't found it. Good night! Up next: 'My 600-Lb Neighbor: He Makes Noise at 3 AM.' Shocking testimonies.
Matchday 6 — vs Los Angeles Nursing-Home
78-118 (L)
Abraham Lincoln bounces the Wilson pre-game! Getting that rhythm going!
Elon Musk misses! Even an engineer can't fix that shot!
Julius Caesar loses the orange! A military personnel would never be this careless!
Jesus Christ gets crossed over! Ankles broken like the game on a rough day!
This household name Elon Musk can't believe the call! Arguing with the ref!
Buzzer sounds, halftime! Julius Caesar walks head down toward the tunnel. Confession: Julius Caesar calls mom after every loss. And every win. And also on Tuesdays. Resumption imminent. The players wrap up their express warm-up.
Jesus Christ rushes a sky hook from way beyond the arc! Injury-prone body creeping in!
Julius Caesar labors up the court! Trudging like a military personnel dragging the frontline!
This hall-of-fame lock Abraham Lincoln commits the offensive foul! Turnover from the right corner!
George Washington throws their hands up! Like a farmer when the seed dibber breaks!
Julius Caesar absorbs the defeat! Taking it on the chin, a military personnel knows tough days!
Julius Caesar is the last one off the court, shoulders hunched. Jesus Christ waits at the tunnel entrance. During the break, I tried doing crunches behind the console. My back remembers. And now, a brand new episode of 'Desperately Seeking My Cat.' Good night, everyone.
Matchday 7 — vs Toronto Border-Patrol
107-102 (W)
Julius Caesar, this do-it-all player, sets the tone immediately! Unreal swagger from the jump!
Jesus Christ picks the pocket of the ball handler! Straight robbery!
Abraham Lincoln, this all-time great, with the shot-clock heave! No good from way beyond the arc!
Elon Musk hooks it in! The arc of an engineer swinging their slide rule!
Elon Musk communicates the switch! Clear as an engineer's instructions!
Heading in. Jesus Christ's eyes are bloodshot from sheer effort. Did you know Jesus Christ started basketball because he was terrible at soccer? Sometimes failure leads to greatness. Both teams retake the hardwood. Everything is still up for grabs.
Jesus Christ draws the foul at coming out of the locker room! Smart as a messiah outsmarting the game!
George Washington a monster swat with authority! This little firecracker protecting the paint!
Elon Musk points to their engineer crew in the nose-bleeds! The impossible structure family!
Abraham Lincoln seizes the moment! That farmer instinct kicking in!
Julius Caesar ends on a high note! A military personnel who finishes strong every time!
Abraham Lincoln and Jesus Christ swing Julius Caesar around by his arms like a carousel. He looks sick. Behind the scenes, the cameraman told me I was making faces during free throws. I had no idea. Good night everyone! Coming up: 'Boot Camp: Supermarket Checkout Line Edition.' Discipline.
Matchday 8 — vs Minnesota Ice-Wall
100-115 (L)
And we're underway! Jesus Christ touches the basketball first! This once-in-a-lifetime player looks eager!
Elon Musk fires a euro-step driving to the hoop but can't connect! Tendency to rush showing!
Jesus Christ with the backcourt violation! A messiah going backwards with the game!
This household name Julius Caesar commits the and-one foul! Tendency to rush in positioning!
Elon Musk attacks and converts! A floater from the left corner! Money!
Halftime whistle. George Washington has dried blood on his elbow but plays tough. Small detail: George Washington wears mismatched socks every game. Calls it a strategy. Tipoff! The ball bounces, the arena vibrates, we're back.
George Washington kicks the air! The frustration of a farmer who knows they can do better!
Abraham Lincoln air-mails a deep three back to the basket! Way off for this absolute legend!
George Washington uses that farmer IQ on the court! Tactical brilliance!
George Washington, this all-time great, with the tired turnover! Legs and mind fatigued!
Elon Musk sits on the bench post-game! Sitting like an engineer after their slide rule broke!
Elon Musk snaps at the bench on his way out. Jesus Christ says nothing, but his look says everything. Did you know that Jesus Christ practices military personnel on Tuesdays? Builds character, that does. Until next time! Up next: 'Kitchen Nightmares: Corporate Cafeteria.' This is gonna be good.
Matchday 9 — vs Houston Blast-Off
102-101 (W)
George Washington starts in the elite shooter! Playing the elite shooter the way a farmer plays with the seed dibber!
Elon Musk springs the trap! The engineer instinct is real!
A thunderous slam by Julius Caesar along the baseline is way off! Tough night for this all-time great!
Elon Musk pours it in! An engineer who never wastes anything never wastes a shot!
Abraham Lincoln schemes with the coaching staff! Plotting the next move, true farmer!
The players head to the locker room. Julius Caesar is sweating like a racehorse. Juicy intel: Julius Caesar turned down an endorsement deal because he'd have to wear a mascot costume. The players charge out of the tunnel. Smells like a comeback.
This once-in-a-lifetime player Elon Musk converts the and-one on the inbound pass! Three-point play!
Abraham Lincoln with a double team! The reflexes of a farmer catching the stubborn soil!
A standing ovation as Jesus Christ, this versatile guy, is introduced! Goosebumps!
Julius Caesar with the heads-up play! Alert as a military personnel watching the frontline!
Julius Caesar launches to the crowd! A raised fist! This living legend gave everything!
Julius Caesar does a cartwheel at center court. George Washington tries one too and eats it. As for me, I powered through three coffees and a gas station sandwich. The glamorous life of sports journalism. We're signing off. And now: 'Musical Chairs: Subway Seat Edition.' Winner takes all.
Matchday 10 — vs Denver Horse-Track
92-112 (L)
George Washington lands the first buzzer-beater! First blood! The farmer strikes first!
Elon Musk, this smooth operator, wastes a golden chance with a wild sky hook!
Elon Musk with the backcourt violation! This first-ballot legend under too much pressure!
Julius Caesar can't stay in front! Defending the frontline doesn't build lateral quickness!
George Washington converts in the paint! A buzzer-beater with trademark eyes in the back of the head!
Halftime whistle. Elon Musk high-fives his teammates on the way out. Locker room anecdote: Elon Musk talks to a sock called 'Assistant Coach.' We don't judge. Both teams retake the hardwood. Everything is still up for grabs.
Elon Musk, this once-in-a-lifetime player, with the frustrated foul! Sometimes predictable game in tough moments!
Elon Musk fires and misses driving to the hoop. Should have stuck with the impossible structure!
George Washington creates the switch! Smooth adjustment, farmer-level thinking!
Julius Caesar needs oxygen! More winded than a military personnel after overtime!
Jesus Christ tells reporters: 'Tomorrow we competes better, like the game!'
Julius Caesar lets out a big exhale walking through the door. Abraham Lincoln holds his in. Evening confession: I'm wearing Julius Caesar's jersey under my shirt. For morale. That's a wrap! And now, 'The Price Is Right: Why Nobody Answers the Phone Anymore.'
Matchday 11 — vs New York Over-Timers
83-125 (L)
George Washington sets the tone early! The farmer came to play tonight!
Julius Caesar can't convert the open shot! Defending the frontline is way easier!
George Washington throws it out of bounds! Like launching the seed dibber into the void!
Abraham Lincoln beaten to the spot! Slower than a farmer on a Monday morning!
George Washington gets a technical for complaining! Tendency to force bad shots on full display!
Break. Abraham Lincoln collapses next to the vending machine. Exclusive: Abraham Lincoln was caught reading a philosophy book on the bench. It was Nietzsche. There they are. The coach must have found the right words.
Julius Caesar misfires on the low block! Even this global icon has off nights!
Abraham Lincoln can barely run! The contest harder than the contest of cultivating the stubborn soil!
Elon Musk with the bad read! Misreading the play like misreading the impossible structure!
Jesus Christ storms to the bench! Heated! This messiah doesn't handle losing well!
Despite the loss, Abraham Lincoln held their own with the stubborn soil! The farmer fought!
Jesus Christ turns back to look at the court one last time. Julius Caesar doesn't turn around. My evening? A microphone, cold coffee, and the greatest show on earth. What more could you ask for. Good evening! Up next: 'Criminal Minds: Finding the Colleague Who Steals Yogurt from the Fridge.'
Matchday 12 — vs Cleveland Twin-Towers
103-118 (L)
This basketball god Julius Caesar in the starting lineup! Let's see what this basketball god brings!
A reverse layup attempt by George Washington falls short! Ego the size of Texas in the legs!
Abraham Lincoln turns it over in the money time! A farmer dropping the seed dibber at the worst time!
Abraham Lincoln gets crossed over! This guy with rings on every finger left frozen off the pick and roll!
Abraham Lincoln pulls off a catch-and-shoot triple out of nowhere! Was that basketball or farmer magic? Unbelievable!
Coach calls everyone back. George Washington drags his feet toward the tunnel. Confession: George Washington calls mom after every loss. And every win. And also on Tuesdays. Here we go. Tactical adjustments have been made.
Abraham Lincoln slaps the floor in frustration! Slapping harder than a farmer hits the workbench!
This undisputed superstar Jesus Christ throws up a prayer at the top of the key! Not answered!
This hall-of-fame lock George Washington recognizes the over-help and punishes it!
This all-time great Abraham Lincoln can barely get up the court! Fatigue setting in!
Julius Caesar shakes hands through the pain! A military personnel who respects their service rifle and the game!
Julius Caesar replays the score in his head on a loop. Jesus Christ tries to think about something else. Tonight my colleague told me I smell like stress. I told him it was my cologne. We're done here. Up next: 'Top Chef: Microwave Edition.' Bon appetit.
Matchday 13 — vs Boston Ring-Chasers
80-125 (L)
This living legend Elon Musk catches the rock early and goes to work! Opening salvo!
Jesus Christ fades away but the shot rims out! Ego the size of Texas rears its ugly head!
Abraham Lincoln trips up in half court! A farmer never trips at work... Right?
Elon Musk fouls trying to recover! Desperate as an engineer chasing the impossible structure!
Jesus Christ mouths off and picks up a T! Occasional mental lapses taking over!
Halftime. The physio pounces on Abraham Lincoln to massage his thighs. Little secret: Abraham Lincoln listens to Celine Dion to focus. I repeat, Celine Dion. Back on the court. The coach changed the starting five, that'll be a surprise.
Elon Musk launches but overcooks it! Tendency to force bad shots showing up again!
Jesus Christ takes the rest play! Even a messiah needs a breather!
This hall-of-fame lock George Washington with a careless turnover! Gift-wrapped for the opponent!
Abraham Lincoln mouths off on a clutch free throw! A farmer venting about the stubborn soil!
Julius Caesar packs up and heads out! Packing their service rifle, unpacking emotions!
Julius Caesar presses his forehead against the tunnel glass. George Washington walks right past without noticing. I spent the evening standing up and sitting down every thirty seconds. My Fitbit is congratulating me. And now, a brand new episode of 'Desperately Seeking My Cat.' Good night, everyone.
Matchday 14 — vs San Antonio Skyscrapers
90-134 (L)
This potential GOAT Abraham Lincoln opens the scoring! A devastating dunk! Early advantage!
Elon Musk, this combo guard, double-clutches and misses! Indecision from this first-ballot legend!
Julius Caesar gets picked! A military personnel getting the frontline stolen in broad daylight!
Elon Musk falls asleep on the weak side! Injury-prone body exposed!
Julius Caesar vents at their teammates! The military personnel who vents about the frontline!
Halftime. George Washington wolfs down an energy bar in two bites. Fun fact: George Washington tried to patent a celebration after a three-pointer. The application was rejected. We resume. Eyes locked in, jaws clenched.
Elon Musk can't buy a bucket! Maybe the impossible structure would be easier to aim!
Julius Caesar waves for a timeout! The military personnel needs the frontline break!
Elon Musk throws it into traffic! Reckless pass, the engineer got too confident!
This guy with rings on every finger Jesus Christ stares at the ref! That look could freeze water!
George Washington, this little firecracker, trudges off the temple of basketball. Lessons to take from this one.
George Washington chews his nails on the bench. Jesus Christ stares at his shoes like they're the source of the problem. On my end, I ate peanuts through the entire third quarter. Salt is my drug of choice. Thanks for tonight. Up next: 'American Ninja Warrior: No Elevator Edition.' Sixth floor, no landing.
Matchday 15 — vs Oklahoma City Treasure-Chest
85-129 (L)
This generational talent Abraham Lincoln comes out aggressive! Opens with a half-court heave back to the basket!
Jesus Christ bobbles and misses! Fumbling the Wilson like it's a Monday morning!
This living legend George Washington dribbles off the foot! Unforced error!
Elon Musk overcommits! Going all-in like an engineer on the impossible structure, but wrong!
Julius Caesar picks up the second technical! This absolute legend ejected! Defense that's basically a suggestion!
Heading in. Abraham Lincoln's eyes are bloodshot from sheer effort. Did you know? Abraham Lincoln once signed an autograph for a referee. During the game. Mid free-throw. The players come back running. Did someone set the locker room on fire?
Elon Musk puts up a prayer... Unanswered! Not even their slide rule can save that!
Abraham Lincoln grabs the shorts! This absolute legend is running on fumes!
Elon Musk throws it into the stands! What was that from this first-ballot legend!
Julius Caesar, this solid build, shows negative body language! Tendency to rush creeping in!
This living legend George Washington tips the hat to the winner. Respect despite the pain.
Julius Caesar watches the crowd file out in silence. George Washington prefers not to look. During the break, I tried doing crunches behind the console. My back remembers. And now, a brand new episode of 'Desperately Seeking My Cat.' Good night, everyone.
Speds finishes #12 (5W-10L). Better luck next season! MVP: Julius Caesar.
Season Journal
Get comfortable because tonight, we are about to witness something special. I can feel it. It's in the air, it's in the eyes, it's in the low rumble of 20,000 people who know they're about to live through a moment. The franchise about to step onto this court has seen it all, lived it all: legendary triple-doubles, buzzer-beating heartbreaks, 15-point fourth-quarter comebacks, and losses that shatter careers. But they're here, still and always, with that burning desire to tear everything apart. Ladies and gentlemen... Speds!
Okay, let's talk about the boss. Because on this team, there's one alpha, and everybody knows it. Julius Caesar. The man is massive, a body built for basketball, and a basketball IQ that borders on indecent. When this man catches the rock, defenders back up instinctively, it's a survival reflex. And they're right, because this guy can punish you from everywhere: from three, in the post, in transition, from the free throw line with his eyes closed. He's a damn 6'8" Swiss Army knife and he cuts in every direction.
And the most terrifying thing about him? It's not the stats, it's not the size, it's the calm. You know that moment where the arena is on its feet, the clock is ticking down the final seconds, sweat is pouring... And he's just chewing his gum like he's waiting for the bus? Then he loads up. And drains it. Stone cold. In front of 20,000 people on the verge of cardiac arrest. That's what a franchise player is: the guy who carries everyone on his shoulders and still makes it look easy.
And here it is, ladies and gentlemen, the cherry on top, the plot twist nobody saw coming: the coach recruited George Washington. A farmer. To play professional basketball. I'll repeat for the people in the back: a farmer, with seed dibber, on an NBA hardwood. The guy showed up at his first practice asking where the locker rooms were... And went the wrong way. Twice. But the coach swears on everything holy that George Washington has "something." We don't know what exactly, but he has "something." In the meantime, the guy runs around like a headless chicken, confuses stubborn soil with the basketball, and has already racked up three technical fouls for trying to negotiate with the referee.
Budget-wise, we're in the "checked the couch cushions to fund the last contract" category. Seriously, there are high school programs with better catering. The owner watches every dollar like it's his last, and the GM negotiates trades with the anxiety of a guy haggling at a flea market. But paradoxically, that might be their strength: when you've got nothing to lose, you play free. And sometimes, freedom works miracles on the hardwood.
Speds finishes #12 (5W-10L). Better luck next season! MVP: Julius Caesar.
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