My dream starting five — basketball_team 🇺🇸
5 members · TeamBranch
Season Journal
Standings
| # | Team | W | L | Pts |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| 1 | Oklahoma City Treasure-Chest | 14 | 1 | 28 |
| 2 | Detroit Engine-Roar | 14 | 1 | 28 |
| 3 | San Antonio Skyscrapers | 12 | 3 | 24 |
| 4 | Boston Ring-Chasers | 11 | 4 | 22 |
| 5 | Cleveland Twin-Towers | 9 | 6 | 18 |
| 6 | My Team | 9 | 6 | 18 |
| 7 | Houston Blast-Off | 9 | 6 | 18 |
| 8 | Denver Horse-Track | 8 | 7 | 16 |
| 9 | New York Over-Timers | 7 | 8 | 14 |
| 10 | Los Angeles Nursing-Home | 6 | 9 | 12 |
| 11 | Toronto Border-Patrol | 6 | 9 | 12 |
| 12 | Minnesota Ice-Wall | 4 | 11 | 8 |
| 13 | Phoenix No-Defense | 4 | 11 | 8 |
| 14 | Miami Heart-Attack | 3 | 12 | 6 |
| 15 | Philadelphia Injury-Report | 2 | 13 | 4 |
| 16 | Orlando Magic-Beans | 2 | 13 | 4 |
Pre-season
Ladies and gentlemen, good evening and welcome to what is probably going to be the most electric night of this season. The arena is packed to the rafters, there are people standing in the corridors, security gave up trying to control anything, and the DJ is blasting so loud the scoreboard is vibrating. We are here to talk about a legendary franchise. A team that has seen sacred monsters pass through, that has lived through dream seasons and nightmare years, that has rebuilt ten times over and always comes back with the same devouring hunger. The team with no name, baby! There's one guy on this team who scares the living hell out of everyone. Opponents, coaches, referees, even his own teammates sometimes. That's Shaquille O'Neal. Standing at 216 cm, shoulders like a linebacker, and a touch on the ball so soft it makes you want to cry. This damn player can drop 40 one night, grab 15 boards the next, and slap you with a triple-double night after just because he was bored. The kind of guy you want on your squad and pray you never have to face. What kills you about this guy is that he makes basketball look easy. You watch him and you think "well yeah, it's simple." And then you realize the defender in front of him is 6'9", runs a 4.4 forty, and he just dropped a step-back in his face like he was dribbling against a traffic cone at practice. It's not ease, it's absolute mastery disguised as nonchalance. And damn, is it beautiful to watch. Alright, we need to address the elephant in the room. Or rather, the comedy show on the roster. Kevin Hart is on this team. Kevin Hart, who is a film producer and doesn't even know what "pick-and-roll" means. The guy shows up with their loaded checkbook under his arm, shoes that are clearly not regulation, and the cardio of a weekend smoker. At his first practice, he tried a crossover and twisted his ankle. At his second, he attempted a layup and the ball flew into the stands. But damn it, what this man has is balls of steel and an ability to make an entire arena laugh without even trying. And that, my friends, is worth every max contract in the world. The budget, let's talk about it. Or actually, let's not, because it'll make you dizzy. We're beyond the luxury tax, beyond the second apron, we're in a zone that even the league's tax accountants struggle to calculate. The owner burns cash like others burn firewood, and he doesn't bat an eye. Every season this team doesn't win the title is a financial scandal. The pressure is absolute, the talent is maximal, and the margin for error is zero. Welcome to the world of superteams, where failure isn't an option, it's a public humiliation.
Matchday 1 — vs Detroit Engine-Roar
90-113 (L)
Stephen Curry fires away onto the floor! The crowd roars for this guy everybody knows!
Stephen Curry with a rough double-clutch layup from the right corner! Occasional mental lapses at the worst time!
This hall-of-fame lock Shaquille O'Neal loses concentration and the Spalding with it!
Stephen Curry, this smooth operator, loses the assignment! Easy bucket over hot head!
Kevin Hart hits a buzzer beater! A killer instinct proving to be the difference tonight!
Both teams head in. Kevin Hart has a red mark on his cheek from an elbow. Anecdote: Kevin Hart once wore his jersey inside out for the entire first quarter. Nobody dared say anything. The show goes on. Players take position. Silence. Whistle.
This certified GOAT candidate Michael Jordan throws an elbow in frustration! Injury-prone body on full display!
Kevin Hart can't convert the open shot! Greenlighting the risky picture is way easier!
Michael Jordan sets the screen at the perfect angle! This certified GOAT candidate cerebral play!
This first-ballot legend Michael Jordan has heavy legs! The pace has been brutal!
Shaquille O'Neal pulls up to the tunnel in disappointment. This generational talent will learn from this.
Shaquille O'Neal's lip is trembling. Michael Jordan dodges the cameras by pulling up his hood. I got a text from Shaquille O'Neal after the game. Just kidding. Nobody texts me. Good evening! Now: 'Destination Unknown: The Roundabout in Scranton, PA.' Total adventure.
Matchday 2 — vs Miami Heart-Attack
120-103 (W)
This big-name player Stephen Curry gets the crowd going early! The energy is building!
Michael Jordan, this colossus, takes over from the right corner. A half-court heave! That's elite!
This unknown gem Jaren Jackson comes up with a massive steal! Transition time!
Shaquille O'Neal with the transition assist! This global icon pushing the pace with freakish explosiveness!
Michael Jordan dribbles into the right spacing! Insane court vision and elite court awareness!
Time to breathe. Shaquille O'Neal has both hands on both knees, completely cooked. Word is Shaquille O'Neal sleeps with his basketball shoes on. I can't confirm it, but the source is reliable. The arena lights up, the players are back. Game on.
Shaquille O'Neal with an incredible buzzer beater along the baseline! Standing ovation!
The energy in this building is unreal! Michael Jordan channeling wild stands!
Kevin Hart motivates from the floor! Motivation of a film producer who refuses to lose!
Jaren Jackson goes to work with purpose! An off-the-charts basketball IQ driving this team forward!
Michael Jordan fires away off the court victorious! This franchise cornerstone leaves it all out there!
Stephen Curry does a backflip. Well, he tries. Kevin Hart applauds the effort. During the game, I got a text from my mom: 'Stop yelling, I can hear you from here.' She lives 120 miles away. This was your favorite commentator. Coming up: 'Extreme Makeover: Garage Edition.' Don't change the channel. Or do.
Matchday 3 — vs Orlando Magic-Beans
111-87 (W)
This household name Shaquille O'Neal in the starting lineup! Let's see what this household name brings!
Shaquille O'Neal buries a bucket under the basket! This all-time great is on fire tonight!
This once-in-a-lifetime player Michael Jordan takes the charge at half court! Gutsy play!
Shaquille O'Neal, this tree of a man, delivers the entry pass! Beautiful feed into the post!
Stephen Curry, this established star, manipulates the defense with the eyes! Silky smooth technique!
Back in the locker room, Michael Jordan sits down and stares at the ceiling. Intel: Michael Jordan once called an imaginary timeout in the middle of a game. The ref actually hesitated. The locker room empties, the court fills up. Act 2.
Jaren Jackson scores from the left corner! A bank shot with scary good handles! Brilliant!
Stephen Curry, this established star, feeds off every decibel! A Finals-like atmosphere is fuel!
Jaren Jackson takes the blame for the mistake! This raw talent protecting teammates!
Stephen Curry, this jersey-selling name, has the crowd in the palm of the hand! A cathedral silence!
This newcomer Jaren Jackson secures the win with night-in night-out consistency! Another one in the bag!
Shaquille O'Neal, Stephen Curry, and Michael Jordan pose for a group photo at center court. Nobody has a phone. My wife texted me: 'when are you coming home?' I said 'after the game.' That was two hours ago. Off to bed! And now: 'Jeopardy: Cafeteria Trivia Edition.'
Matchday 4 — vs Philadelphia Injury-Report
134-91 (W)
Michael Jordan opens with a free throw! This living legend making an early statement!
Jaren Jackson catches fire! And it's a scoop layup! Nerves of steel taking over!
Jaren Jackson with the outlet pass! Coast-to-coast assist! Nerves of steel on that one!
Stephen Curry with another pull-up jumper! You can't stop this man!
Jaren Jackson a sky-high block and starts the fast break! Defense wins championships!
Back in the locker room, Kevin Hart sits down and stares at the ceiling. Did you know Kevin Hart keeps a photo of his dog in his right shoe? It's a Bichon. We resume. Eyes locked in, jaws clenched.
Stephen Curry with the and-one double-clutch layup! Unreal swagger through the whistle!
Kevin Hart and the garbage time lineup! This reliable star can rest easy!
Michael Jordan goes to work and the ball goes into the stands! Free souvenir!
Kevin Hart chest-bumps after a half-court heave! Impact worthy of a film producer victory!
This total unknown Jaren Jackson led from start to finish! Comprehensive win!
Jaren Jackson points both hands at the sky. Kevin Hart points at Jaren Jackson. Michael Jordan points at the exit. I drank so much coffee tonight I'm going to commentate in my sleep. We're signing off. And now: 'Musical Chairs: Subway Seat Edition.' Winner takes all.
Matchday 5 — vs Phoenix No-Defense
117-76 (W)
Shaquille O'Neal explodes into position! This living legend not wasting any time!
Jaren Jackson takes off the Wilson with eyes in the back of the head. And it drops! Nothing you can do!
Jaren Jackson rises up and finds the trailer for a scoop layup! Great awareness!
A double-clutch layup from Kevin Hart! This multi-time All-Star just keeps delivering!
Michael Jordan, this absolute unit, covers ground to get the flawless defensive rotation! Wow!
Intermission. Stephen Curry dumps an entire water bottle over his head. Locker room anecdote: Stephen Curry talks to a sock called 'Assistant Coach.' We don't judge. The players charge out of the tunnel. Smells like a comeback.
Jaren Jackson, this swiss-army-knife type, showcases freakish explosiveness with a gorgeous fadeaway jumper!
Kevin Hart piles it on! Stacking points like it's nothing! The film producer is dominant!
Kevin Hart, this little guy, tries the spin move and gets dizzy! This established star wobbling!
Kevin Hart flexes like they just finished greenlighting the risky picture! What a moment!
Michael Jordan, this big fella, takes the final bow! A team high-five! Dominant display!
Stephen Curry takes a bow for the crowd. Michael Jordan bows to Stephen Curry. The nobility of basketball. Evening confession: I'm wearing Stephen Curry's jersey under my shirt. For morale. That's a wrap for tonight. Coming up: 'The Amazing Race: Subway Line 13.' Viewer discretion advised.
Matchday 6 — vs Los Angeles Nursing-Home
132-87 (W)
Michael Jordan, this generational talent, wins the opening tip! Great start for the team!
An off-balance shot by Stephen Curry from mid-range! Freakish explosiveness in every fiber!
Michael Jordan, this tree of a man, finds the rolling big man! A scoop layup off the assist!
This living legend Michael Jordan finishes with authority! A double-clutch layup at half court!
Kevin Hart rejects the layup! A defensive stop by this miniature missile! Get that out!
Rest. Kevin Hart buries his head in a wet towel and doesn't move. Anecdote: Kevin Hart lost a bet and had to wear the center's shoes during warm-ups. Size 16. Both teams emerge from the tunnel. The second half can begin.
A sky hook by Michael Jordan! The crowd erupts! Unreal swagger personified!
Stephen Curry, this all-around player, makes it look like practice! Total domination!
Stephen Curry shoots the free throw on the wrong basket! Somebody say something!
Kevin Hart celebrates with a slide across the hardwood! Mimicking greenlighting the risky picture on the court!
Jaren Jackson launches in triumph! The final buzzer sounds! That's a W!
Stephen Curry pretends to faint from happiness. Michael Jordan pretends to call 911. My evening? A microphone, cold coffee, and the greatest show on earth. What more could you ask for. Thanks for the game! And now, tonight's feature film: 'Fast and Furious 47: The Quest for a Parking Spot.'
Matchday 7 — vs Toronto Border-Patrol
123-92 (W)
This first-ballot legend Shaquille O'Neal means business! Fast start at half court!
This rising star Jaren Jackson with a cold-blooded step-back three! No conscience!
Jaren Jackson slides the feet perfectly and forces a miss! Scary good handles in every step!
This household name Michael Jordan zips the pass through! Another dime from this colossus!
Shaquille O'Neal, this long boy, positions perfectly for the offensive rebound! Scary good handles!
Halftime! Stephen Curry looks in the mirror and shakes his head. Juicy intel: Stephen Curry turned down an endorsement deal because he'd have to wear a mascot costume. Back for seconds. The court is shining, and so are the players.
Jaren Jackson, this tweener, overpowers for a scoop layup! Size matters!
This guy nobody was talking about Jaren Jackson gets the crowd into it! A hostile crowd at fever pitch!
Michael Jordan takes off the Wilson with patience! This living legend trusting the system!
Stephen Curry, this do-it-all player, makes a statement! This jersey-selling name is here to stay!
Shaquille O'Neal, this titan, acknowledges the fans! A Playoff atmosphere! A raised fist!
Shaquille O'Neal and Jaren Jackson pound their chests like gorillas. The coach pretends not to know them. During the game, I got a text from my mom: 'Stop yelling, I can hear you from here.' She lives 120 miles away. Good night everyone! And now, the show nobody asked for: 'Pigeon Hunters.'
Matchday 8 — vs Minnesota Ice-Wall
112-91 (W)
Kevin Hart locks eyes with the opponent! The stare of a film producer who means business!
Shaquille O'Neal launches to the rack for a layup! Can't contain this 7-footer!
Shaquille O'Neal, this first-ballot legend, shuts down the play off the pick and roll! Lockdown defender!
Jaren Jackson with the hockey assist! That extra pass, beautiful basketball!
This undisputed superstar Michael Jordan with the savvy veteran play! That dawg mentality experience showing!
Back to the locker room. Jaren Jackson's shorts are torn but he couldn't care less. Intel: Jaren Jackson once called an imaginary timeout in the middle of a game. The ref actually hesitated. We're back! Flushed cheeks and hungry eyes on the players.
Stephen Curry with the smooth thunderous slam! This reliable star making it look easy!
An incredible energy fills the arena! This certified bucket Kevin Hart feeds off the energy!
Jaren Jackson finds the open teammate! This dude out of nowhere making everyone better!
This player nobody saw coming Jaren Jackson digs deep! Finding reserves nobody knew existed!
Michael Jordan lets fly to the crowd! A chest bump! This undisputed superstar gave everything!
Stephen Curry rips the net off the rim. Michael Jordan wraps it around his neck like a scarf. Behind the scenes, the cameraman told me I was making faces during free throws. I had no idea. That was beautiful. And now: 'House Hunters International: 90-Square-Foot Studio, Wall View.' A steal.
Matchday 9 — vs Houston Blast-Off
98-117 (L)
And we're underway! Shaquille O'Neal touches the Wilson first! This undisputed superstar looks eager!
Off the mark for Kevin Hart! Great film producer, not so great at basketball tonight!
Stephen Curry dishes the orange right to the defense! Costly mistake by this jersey-selling name!
Michael Jordan gets burned on the drive! Occasional mental lapses in lateral movement!
Michael Jordan posts up through traffic and scores! Incredible finish!
Break! Kevin Hart grabs an ice bag and slaps it on his knee. Rumor has it Kevin Hart talks to his basketball in the locker room. Nobody dares say it's weird. We're off again! The crowd chants the team's name.
Michael Jordan slams the Wilson in frustration! Hot head on full display!
Kevin Hart bricks it! Not the same accuracy as greenlighting the risky picture!
Shaquille O'Neal takes off to the weak side! This franchise cornerstone exploiting the rotation!
This jersey-selling name Stephen Curry can barely jump! The springs are gone from mid-range!
Michael Jordan had the chances but couldn't convert. This global icon left wanting.
Shaquille O'Neal stands alone at center court as the lights go dim. Jaren Jackson comes back to get him. On my end, I discovered the arena's coffee machine was broken. The game nearly went uncommentated. Good night everyone! And now, the show nobody asked for: 'Pigeon Hunters.'
Matchday 10 — vs Denver Horse-Track
117-101 (W)
Kevin Hart huddles with the team! Huddling up, the film producer strategizes!
Shaquille O'Neal, this household name, knifes through for a thunderous slam on the low block! Wow!
Shaquille O'Neal with the suffocating defense! This certified GOAT candidate is a wall out there!
This franchise cornerstone Shaquille O'Neal orchestrates the offense in transition! Maestro!
Jaren Jackson slows the pace when the team needs it! This guy nobody was talking about tempo control!
Halftime. Jaren Jackson's hair is completely soaked, like climbing out of a pool. Confession: Jaren Jackson tried yoga. Lasted two sessions before declaring it a combat sport. Back to hostilities. Faces have changed in the locker room.
Jaren Jackson, this smooth operator, posts up and delivers a half-court heave! Textbook!
The crowd is on its feet! A Playoff atmosphere as Michael Jordan takes the court!
This guy nobody was talking about Jaren Jackson swings the ball around! Pure God-given talent ball movement!
Stephen Curry takes off through pain, through doubt! This world-class player transcending!
This guy with rings on every finger Michael Jordan caps off a special night! An ice-cold stare at the opposing bench! Until next time!
Stephen Curry gives his headband to a kid in the crowd. Michael Jordan gives his shoes. Jaren Jackson gives his water bottle. The kid is overwhelmed. Tonight I nearly had a heart attack at least four times. And I'm just the commentator. Thanks everyone! And now: 'Keeping Up with the Kardashians: Season 312.' They will never stop.
Matchday 11 — vs New York Over-Timers
94-103 (L)
Kevin Hart launches with energy from the opening whistle! This max-contract guy locked in!
Jaren Jackson attacks the Spalding awkwardly! The touch just isn't there for this hungry young player!
This newcomer Jaren Jackson commits the offensive foul! Turnover along the baseline!
This franchise guy Kevin Hart bites on the fake! Beaten in the paint!
A thunderous slam by Jaren Jackson! The building is rocking! This hungry young player takeover!
Heading in. Michael Jordan's eyes are bloodshot from sheer effort. Anecdote of the day: Michael Jordan forgot his shorts on the last road trip. Played in borrowed shorts two sizes too big. The hardwood awaits. Here we go for the second half.
This hungry young player Jaren Jackson hangs the head after the miss! Deflated in the paint!
Michael Jordan, this first-ballot legend, with a contested off-balance shot that misses from mid-range!
Jaren Jackson reads the defense perfectly! An off-the-charts basketball IQ and a sky-high basketball IQ!
Michael Jordan crosses over but the legs won't cooperate! Tendency to rush catching up!
Shaquille O'Neal walks off in silence. This living legend gave it all but it wasn't enough.
Stephen Curry stands alone at center court as the lights go dim. Michael Jordan comes back to get him. My evening? A microphone, cold coffee, and the greatest show on earth. What more could you ask for. Thanks! And now, 'Neighbors from Hell: The Community Compost Bin Saga.' Episode 1 of 74.
Matchday 12 — vs Cleveland Twin-Towers
103-91 (W)
Tip-off! Michael Jordan gets us started! Let's go!
This certified bucket Stephen Curry converts facing the rim! A two-handed slam right on cue!
Kevin Hart steals the ball! Quick hands from greenlighting the risky picture all day!
Michael Jordan picks apart the defense! Assist leads to a deep three!
Jaren Jackson, this diamond in the rough, manages the clock beautifully in the second half!
Break! Stephen Curry heads straight to the bathroom moment he hits the locker room. Rumor has it Stephen Curry tried to recruit the pizza delivery guy for the team. The guy was 6'9". Let's go, we're back. The crowd claps in rhythm.
Jaren Jackson, this potential breakout star, drops a fadeaway jumper from mid-range! Pure artistry!
Deafening noise! Michael Jordan fires away and the building shakes!
Kevin Hart barks out defensive calls! The voice of their loaded checkbook echoes across the venue!
Jaren Jackson fires away into the record books! This unknown gem making memories!
Michael Jordan daps up the opponent! Respect from this global icon after the battle!
Michael Jordan rips the net off the rim. Kevin Hart wraps it around his neck like a scarf. I discovered tonight that my mic was off for three minutes. Three minutes of pure genius, lost forever. See you soon. In the meantime: 'Wipeout: IKEA on a Saturday.' Worse than the actual obstacles.
Matchday 13 — vs Boston Ring-Chasers
96-100 (L)
Game time! Kevin Hart and this guy everybody knows ready to put on a show at the field house!
Kevin Hart drives the rock beautifully for a pull-up jumper! What touch!
Shaquille O'Neal turns the head and loses the man! This certified GOAT candidate napping defensively!
Jaren Jackson, this player nobody saw coming, with the shot-clock heave! No good from the left corner!
Jaren Jackson steals and scores! This raw talent cutting the gap from the left corner!
Rest time. Stephen Curry isolates in a corner of the locker room, headphones on. Little scoop: Stephen Curry collects Pokemon cards. That Charizard is worth more than his first contract. Back at it! The coach said two words. Two words that were enough.
Kevin Hart fires away into a dead end! Defense that's basically a suggestion in late-game situations!
Michael Jordan glares at the scoreboard! This household name not happy with the situation!
Michael Jordan dunks with conviction! This absolute legend believes tonight is the night!
Stephen Curry misses the wide-open look during crunch time! This reliable star will regret that!
This hungry young player Jaren Jackson shakes hands and moves on. In the end, occasional mental lapses proved costly.
Stephen Curry bites his lip, fists clenched. Jaren Jackson shakes his head slowly, in disbelief. My evening in one word? Epic. In two words? Epic and loud. Good night everyone! And now, the show nobody asked for: 'Pigeon Hunters.'
Matchday 14 — vs San Antonio Skyscrapers
80-124 (L)
This guy nobody was talking about Jaren Jackson catches the Spalding early and goes to work! Opening salvo!
Kevin Hart misses the open look! A film producer never misses the risky picture... But misses the rock!
This established star Stephen Curry commits the 5-second violation! Clock management injury-prone body!
Michael Jordan falls asleep on the weak side! Shaky emotions under pressure exposed!
This who-is-this-guy player Jaren Jackson stares at the ref! That look could freeze water!
Halftime whistle. Stephen Curry spits into the trash can walking into the locker room. Did you know Stephen Curry knits to unwind? Made a scarf in San Antonio Skyscrapers's colors. By accident, obviously. Back on the hardwood. The tension has gone up a notch.
Jaren Jackson forces up an off-balance shot over the defense! Occasional mental lapses! Bad decision!
Stephen Curry short-arms the shot from fatigue! This All-Star caliber talent has nothing left!
This absolute legend Shaquille O'Neal with turnover number lengths ahead! Defense that's basically a suggestion is piling up!
Jaren Jackson shoots and kicks the stanchion! This diamond in the rough losing composure!
This established star Stephen Curry congratulates the opponent. Class in defeat from this established star.
Kevin Hart's eyes are red, jaw tight. Jaren Jackson apologizes to the coach, voice cracking. My evening in one word? Epic. In two words? Epic and loud. We're out. Up next: 'Say Yes to the Dress: Budget Three Fifty, Theme: Elastic.' Good luck.
Matchday 15 — vs Oklahoma City Treasure-Chest
83-117 (L)
Stephen Curry, this all-around player, sets the tone immediately! Pure God-given talent from the jump!
Jaren Jackson can't hit the ocean right now! Another miss for this raw talent!
This absolute legend Shaquille O'Neal gets pickpocketed at the buzzer! Sloppy handling!
Jaren Jackson lunges the wrong direction! Fake had this potential breakout star fooled!
This bonafide star Stephen Curry gets into it with the opponent! Tempers flaring!
The players leave the court. Michael Jordan clings to the tunnel railing. Did you know? Michael Jordan has a personal mini-fridge in the locker room. Nobody knows what's inside. Second half! The crowd is on its feet, and so are the players.
A two-handed slam from Michael Jordan catches the back rim and pops out! So close!
Kevin Hart crosses over a step slower than usual! Hot head in the tank!
Kevin Hart throws it away! Limited stamina under pressure from mid-range!
Jaren Jackson storms to the bench! This who-is-this-guy player is visibly upset!
This top-tier talent Stephen Curry stares at the scoreboard. Not the outcome this top-tier talent wanted.
Stephen Curry's lip is trembling. Michael Jordan dodges the cameras by pulling up his hood. I learned backstage that Michael Jordan also does film producer on weekends. That explains those reflexes. Thanks for watching. Coming up: '48 Hours: The Secret Life of Roundabouts.' Essential viewing.
My Team ends the season #6 with a 9W-6L record. Season MVP: Shaquille O'Neal.
Season Journal
Ladies and gentlemen, good evening and welcome to what is probably going to be the most electric night of this season. The arena is packed to the rafters, there are people standing in the corridors, security gave up trying to control anything, and the DJ is blasting so loud the scoreboard is vibrating. We are here to talk about a legendary franchise. A team that has seen sacred monsters pass through, that has lived through dream seasons and nightmare years, that has rebuilt ten times over and always comes back with the same devouring hunger. The team with no name, baby!
There's one guy on this team who scares the living hell out of everyone. Opponents, coaches, referees, even his own teammates sometimes. That's Shaquille O'Neal. Standing at 216 cm, shoulders like a linebacker, and a touch on the ball so soft it makes you want to cry. This damn player can drop 40 one night, grab 15 boards the next, and slap you with a triple-double night after just because he was bored. The kind of guy you want on your squad and pray you never have to face.
What kills you about this guy is that he makes basketball look easy. You watch him and you think "well yeah, it's simple." And then you realize the defender in front of him is 6'9", runs a 4.4 forty, and he just dropped a step-back in his face like he was dribbling against a traffic cone at practice. It's not ease, it's absolute mastery disguised as nonchalance. And damn, is it beautiful to watch.
Alright, we need to address the elephant in the room. Or rather, the comedy show on the roster. Kevin Hart is on this team. Kevin Hart, who is a film producer and doesn't even know what "pick-and-roll" means. The guy shows up with their loaded checkbook under his arm, shoes that are clearly not regulation, and the cardio of a weekend smoker. At his first practice, he tried a crossover and twisted his ankle. At his second, he attempted a layup and the ball flew into the stands. But damn it, what this man has is balls of steel and an ability to make an entire arena laugh without even trying. And that, my friends, is worth every max contract in the world.
The budget, let's talk about it. Or actually, let's not, because it'll make you dizzy. We're beyond the luxury tax, beyond the second apron, we're in a zone that even the league's tax accountants struggle to calculate. The owner burns cash like others burn firewood, and he doesn't bat an eye. Every season this team doesn't win the title is a financial scandal. The pressure is absolute, the talent is maximal, and the margin for error is zero. Welcome to the world of superteams, where failure isn't an option, it's a public humiliation.
My Team ends the season #6 with a 9W-6L record. Season MVP: Shaquille O'Neal.
💬 💬 Comments & Suggestions (0)
💭
No comments yet. Be the first to share your opinion!
Do you like this creation?
Share it with your friends!
_(cropped).jpg?width=300&width=400)
.jpg?width=300&width=400)
.jpg?width=300&width=400)
.jpg?width=300&width=400)