GOON SQAUD — basketball_team 🇺🇸
5 members · TeamBranch
Season Journal
Standings
| # | Team | W | L | Pts |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| 1 | Detroit Engine-Roar | 14 | 1 | 28 |
| 2 | Oklahoma City Treasure-Chest | 13 | 2 | 26 |
| 3 | San Antonio Skyscrapers | 11 | 4 | 22 |
| 4 | Boston Ring-Chasers | 11 | 4 | 22 |
| 5 | New York Over-Timers | 11 | 4 | 22 |
| 6 | Cleveland Twin-Towers | 10 | 5 | 20 |
| 7 | Denver Horse-Track | 10 | 5 | 20 |
| 8 | GOON SQAUD | 8 | 7 | 16 |
| 9 | Houston Blast-Off | 7 | 8 | 14 |
| 10 | Minnesota Ice-Wall | 6 | 9 | 12 |
| 11 | Toronto Border-Patrol | 5 | 10 | 10 |
| 12 | Los Angeles Nursing-Home | 4 | 11 | 8 |
| 13 | Phoenix No-Defense | 4 | 11 | 8 |
| 14 | Miami Heart-Attack | 3 | 12 | 6 |
| 15 | Philadelphia Injury-Report | 2 | 13 | 4 |
| 16 | Orlando Magic-Beans | 1 | 14 | 2 |
Pre-season
Stop. Everybody shut up. You feel that? That smell of freshly waxed hardwood, brand-new kicks, and electric tension hanging in the air? That's the smell of a night that's going down in the history books. We're in a building where every seat is taken, every eye is locked on the tunnel where a team that has thrilled generations is about to emerge. Championships, heartbreaks, legendary comebacks, midnight trades that shifted the entire balance of the league... This franchise is a damn novel all by itself. And tonight, we're starting the next chapter. Ladies and gentlemen... GOON SQAUD! The real reason this building is at capacity? It's him. LeBron James. The man. The beast. Standing at 206 cm, and not an ounce of fat, all lean muscle and raw talent. This dude was put on Earth to play basketball, there's no other explanation. Watch him move on the court and it's like watching a predator in the savanna: every movement is calculated, every step is perfect, and when he decides to strike, it's already too late for the defender. Nature built a monster, and we're lucky enough to watch him play tonight. The scary thing is that the more pressure rises, the more he rises with it. Fourth quarter, down by three, the opposing coach screaming, the crowd roaring... And he just shrugs, takes the ball, and nails a step-back three over three defenders draped all over him like it's a Tuesday morning shootaround drill. This is the kind of player you don't just build a team around, you build an era around him. And tonight, that era begins. Hold on tight because the next name is going to make you spit out your beer: Raphael. Profession? Vigilante. Yeah. The coach saw him on TV, called his agent (who didn't exist), and offered him a ten-day contract "to see." The guy showed up with their rough justice, a ham sandwich, and bulletproof enthusiasm. At his first practice, he attempted a dunk and ended up hanging from the net like a cat stuck in a tree. The fire department came. Twice. But he's got heart, the man, and apparently the precision he puts into the unpunished villain could translate to mid-range shooting. We believe. Well, the coach believes. The rest of us broke out the popcorn. Now listen up, the owner has pulled out the checkbook and he's willing to eat the luxury tax penalties. We're in the big leagues. Two max contracts, well-paid veterans on every corner. They're all-in. Every extra dollar spent costs them three in taxes, but they don't care: they want to raise that trophy in June and they've got the firepower to back it up.
Matchday 1 — vs Detroit Engine-Roar
96-94 (W)
Lionel Messi wins the opening tip! Tipping off with association football player energy!
Michael Jordan slides to the passing lane and steals it! An off-the-charts basketball IQ!
Raphael clanks it off the rim! That sounded like their rough justice hitting the unpunished villain!
Stephen Curry goes coast to coast for a half-court heave! This bonafide star is relentless!
Lionel Messi, this generational talent, times the cut perfectly! Backdoor for a fadeaway jumper!
Halftime whistle. Lionel Messi flops into the first available chair. Confession: Lionel Messi believes the away locker room is haunted. Refuses to go in alone. Back on the floor, faces full of determination.
This legit talent Raphael converts the free throws under pressure! Next-level basketball IQ under pressure!
This established star Stephen Curry forces the air ball with pressure! Suffocating!
An electric crowd fills the arena! This basketball god Lionel Messi feeds off the energy!
LeBron James, this basketball god, keeps the team alive! A half-court heave in the third quarter!
Lionel Messi is named player of the game! The association football player is also the star!
Stephen Curry slides across the court in his socks while Raphael splashes water on everyone. On my end, I ate three chocolate bars during the timeouts. Sports make you hungry, even in the booth. We're wrapping up the mics. Up next: 'Chopped: Tupperware Lunch at the Office Edition.'
Matchday 2 — vs Miami Heart-Attack
116-97 (W)
Tip-off! Michael Jordan gets us started! Let's go!
This solid pro Raphael punishes the defense with a two-handed slam from mid-range!
Lionel Messi, this undersized dog, recovers and contests! Never-give-up effort fueled by scary good handles!
Michael Jordan, this tree of a man, hits the cutter perfectly! Nerves of steel right on time!
Raphael exploits the soft spot in half court! Soft as the unpunished villain under their rough justice!
Halftime. The physio pounces on Stephen Curry to massage his thighs. Did you know? Stephen Curry once signed an autograph for a referee. During the game. Mid free-throw. We're back at it. The crowd had time to reload at the snack bar.
Raphael carves through and scores! That's what a vigilante does best!
Stephen Curry, this max-contract guy, feeds off every decibel! A Playoff atmosphere is fuel!
Stephen Curry finds the open teammate! This world-class player making everyone better!
Michael Jordan overcomes the early struggles! This global icon rising like a phoenix!
Raphael pumps the fist as the buzzer goes! This seasoned vet savors the win!
Michael Jordan and Stephen Curry slap each other's butts. Raphael declines the invitation. Tonight I learned Michael Jordan used to be a vigilante before basketball. Found out during a timeout. Threw me off completely. That's a wrap! And now, the network's masterpiece: 'My Cat, My Battle.' Don't miss the finale.
Matchday 3 — vs Orlando Magic-Beans
122-95 (W)
The game begins and LeBron James is ready! You can see nerves of steel written all over his face!
Lionel Messi steps back and delivers an and-one! Their football boots by day, buckets by night!
Lionel Messi slides the feet perfectly and forces a miss! Scary good handles in every step!
Lionel Messi pinpoints the pass driving to the hoop! Another assist for this basketball god!
Michael Jordan pushes the pace in transition! That dawg mentality showing in every play!
Both teams head to the locker room. Lionel Messi wipes his forehead with his jersey. Anecdote of the day: Lionel Messi forgot his shorts on the last road trip. Played in borrowed shorts two sizes too big. Back on the court. The coach changed the starting five, that'll be a surprise.
This league veteran Raphael with a cold-blooded bank shot! No conscience!
Stephen Curry, this swiss-army-knife type, gets the standing ovation! A packed arena!
Stephen Curry fades away the outlet to the young player! This franchise guy building the future!
Raphael is writing the story tonight! This hooper's hooper with an and-one back to the basket!
Lionel Messi leaves everything on the palace of hoops! Left it all out there tonight!
Stephen Curry and Raphael act out a movie scene where they reunite in slow motion. The crowd is dying. As for me, I powered through three coffees and a gas station sandwich. The glamorous life of sports journalism. Off to bed! And now: 'Jeopardy: Cafeteria Trivia Edition.'
Matchday 4 — vs Philadelphia Injury-Report
113-97 (W)
LeBron James fires up the crowd to open the game! This basketball god starting strong!
A pull-up jumper from LeBron James! That's silky smooth technique at the highest level!
Lionel Messi stands firm! Not moving, this association football player is planted!
This headliner Stephen Curry with the behind-the-back dish! Highlight-reel pass!
Lionel Messi, this compact dynamo, seals the defender for position! Fundamentals!
Break. LeBron James's socks are soaking wet — quick change on the spot. Anecdote: LeBron James tried to impress the Philadelphia Injury-Report players with a warm-up dunk. Hit the rim. With his face. Back for the second half. The coach slammed his fist on the table.
Raphael fades away the Spalding with flair and hits a catch-and-shoot triple! Sensational!
The crowd gasps at Lionel Messi's move! Agility worthy of an association football player!
LeBron James, this tower, holds the team together with an off-the-charts basketball IQ! Captain!
The transformation of Stephen Curry is complete! This multi-time All-Star has arrived!
This jersey-selling name Stephen Curry seals the deal! Victory with a gym-rat work ethic!
Stephen Curry grabs the arena mic and screams. Just a scream. Michael Jordan applauds. Did you know that Michael Jordan practices vigilante on Tuesdays? Builds character, that does. That's all for today. Up next: 'Dateline: The True Cost of a Cup of Yogurt.' Deep investigation.
Matchday 5 — vs Phoenix No-Defense
110-85 (W)
Lionel Messi blows past onto the floor! The crowd roars for this household name!
Lionel Messi scores at half court! A bank shot with unreal swagger! Brilliant!
Michael Jordan forces the step-out-of-bounds! This hall-of-fame lock hawking the ball!
Lionel Messi with the outlet pass! Coast-to-coast assist! An off-the-charts basketball IQ on that one!
Lionel Messi penetrates the ball out of the trap! Ridiculous creativity under pressure!
Cut! Halftime. Lionel Messi's jersey is completely drenched in sweat. Staff confession: Lionel Messi is afraid of pigeons. Not 7-foot centers, no. Pigeons. The tunnel spits the players out. The war resumes.
Raphael, this solid build, glides to along the baseline for a silky sky hook!
Lionel Messi points to their association football player crew in the nose-bleeds! The winning goal family!
Stephen Curry makes the extra pass! This bonafide star hockey assist for a euro-step!
Michael Jordan penetrates with conviction! This undisputed superstar believes tonight is the night!
Final buzzer! LeBron James is the hero! This all-time great with a game for the ages!
LeBron James and Lionel Messi slap each other's butts. Michael Jordan declines the invitation. I discovered tonight that my mic was off for three minutes. Three minutes of pure genius, lost forever. Thanks! And now, 'Neighbors from Hell: The Community Compost Bin Saga.' Episode 1 of 74.
Matchday 6 — vs Los Angeles Nursing-Home
105-111 (L)
This franchise cornerstone Michael Jordan comes out firing! A thunderous slam in the first minute!
Stephen Curry fires an and-one from way beyond the arc but can't connect! Lack of consistency showing!
This global icon Michael Jordan loses concentration and the leather with it!
LeBron James gets burned on the drive! Tendency to rush in lateral movement!
Michael Jordan, this global icon, exploits the mismatch for a scoop layup! Too easy!
Break! Lionel Messi grabs an ice bag and slaps it on his knee. True story: Lionel Messi had his parking spot stolen by Los Angeles Nursing-Home's mascot. Still talks about it. Jump ball to restart. Let the second half begin!
Stephen Curry, this world-class player, yells at the coaching staff! Heavy feet causing friction!
This elite player Stephen Curry rattles it out! So close yet so far driving to the hoop!
Raphael controls the glass! Board work as precise as a day job with their rough justice!
Michael Jordan is gassed! This global icon bent over at half court! Occasional mental lapses catching up!
This franchise cornerstone Michael Jordan stares at the scoreboard. Not the outcome this franchise cornerstone wanted.
Michael Jordan unclasps his chain and squeezes it in his fist. Stephen Curry runs a hand down his face. My evening in one word? Epic. In two words? Epic and loud. We're done here. Up next: 'Top Chef: Microwave Edition.' Bon appetit.
Matchday 7 — vs Toronto Border-Patrol
99-115 (L)
This certified GOAT candidate Lionel Messi comes out aggressive! Opens with a euro-step from way beyond the arc!
Lionel Messi misses badly! Should have aimed like they aim their football boots at the winning goal!
Lionel Messi, this low-to-the-ground speedster, gets called for the carry! Tendency to force bad shots in ball-handling!
LeBron James gives up the back door! Tendency to rush when overplaying!
Raphael launches and it's a fadeaway jumper! This guy with a proven track record proving the doubters wrong!
Break time. Michael Jordan bolts to the locker room without looking at anyone. Anecdote: Michael Jordan threw up before his first pro game. No more pre-game burgers ever since. Back on the court. The crowd greets them with a standing ovation.
Michael Jordan slams the Wilson in frustration! Tendency to force bad shots on full display!
LeBron James, this household name, can't convert the fast break! Wasted opportunity!
This All-Star caliber talent Stephen Curry adjusts the angle mid-drive! Nerves of steel body control!
LeBron James is cramping up! This certified GOAT candidate trying to shake it off! Sometimes predictable game!
Stephen Curry, this big-name player, takes the loss hard. Lack of consistency at the wrong moments.
Stephen Curry scratches the back of his neck nervously. Michael Jordan has the look of someone who has seen things. I learned that Stephen Curry's father was a vigilante. The apple doesn't fall far from the tree. Good evening! Now: 'Destination Unknown: The Roundabout in Scranton, PA.' Total adventure.
Matchday 8 — vs Minnesota Ice-Wall
110-109 (W)
This reliable star Stephen Curry catches the leather early and goes to work! Opening salvo!
Raphael, this established player, shuts down the play in transition! Lockdown defender!
That one wasn't even close, Raphael! Stick to hunting the unpunished villain!
LeBron James attacks in the paint and finishes with a fadeaway jumper! Too good!
This up-and-coming baller Raphael recognizes the over-help and punishes it!
Back in the locker room, Michael Jordan sits down and stares at the ceiling. Juicy intel: Michael Jordan turned down an endorsement deal because he'd have to wear a mascot costume. We're back! The DJ cranks the volume, the players charge onto the court.
Raphael with the late steal and score! This hooper's hooper taking matters into own hands!
Raphael holds the line in the paint! The discipline of a vigilante with their rough justice!
LeBron James, this tower, gestures for more noise! The crowd goes nuts!
This generational talent LeBron James steals it in the final quarter! Turns defense into points!
Lionel Messi dominates the box score! Numbers worthy of an association football player's the winning goal chart!
Michael Jordan makes the phone sign toward the opposing bench. Raphael makes the 'call us' gesture. I spent the evening looking for a stat that couldn't be found. It didn't exist. I made one up. See you tomorrow. In the meantime, it's 'Who Wants to Marry My Goldfish.' Good luck with that.
Matchday 9 — vs Houston Blast-Off
114-107 (W)
Stephen Curry, this do-it-all player, sets the tone immediately! Ridiculous creativity from the jump!
This seasoned vet Raphael with a vintage hook shot! The old magic is still there!
Raphael, this player on the come-up, clamps down on the star player! Scary good handles on the assignment!
Michael Jordan, this potential GOAT, drives and kicks! Perfect assist for a free throw!
Raphael adjusts the tempo! Controlling the rhythm like a veteran vigilante!
Halftime. The doctor examines Raphael's shoulder while the others catch their breath. Did you know? Raphael tried to become a rapper before basketball. The world dodged a bullet. We're back! The players look fired up.
Lionel Messi dunks the basketball beautifully for a buzzer-beater! What touch!
Standing room only! A Playoff atmosphere as Michael Jordan takes over on the low block!
LeBron James, this all-time great, runs the play exactly as drawn! Execution!
This household name LeBron James is living their best moment right now from way beyond the arc!
Stephen Curry, this swiss-army-knife type, acknowledges the fans! Immense pressure! A finger to the lips to hush the crowd!
Lionel Messi and Michael Jordan freestyle a victory rap. Stephen Curry does the beatbox. It's terrible but magnificent. Your commentator broke his personal screaming record tonight. My throat is not thanking me. See you soon. Coming up: 'Extreme Couponing: Family of Eight at Walmart.' Double episode.
Matchday 10 — vs Denver Horse-Track
104-114 (L)
Raphael steps onto the temple of basketball! From hunting the unpunished villain to this, game time!
A reverse layup from Raphael catches the back rim and pops out! So close!
Stephen Curry blows past into a dead end driving to the hoop! Turnover! Tendency to force bad shots!
Raphael can't stay in front! Hunting the unpunished villain doesn't build lateral quickness!
Michael Jordan, this certified GOAT candidate, unleashes a pull-up jumper back to the basket! Bang!
Halftime! Raphael walks barefoot on the cold tunnel tiles. Little secret: Raphael watches cat videos between quarters. Says it's relaxing. Here we go again. The players have changed jerseys.
Michael Jordan, this mountain of a man, waves off the play call! Hot head hurting the team!
Stephen Curry, this do-it-all player, wastes a golden chance with a wild euro-step!
Michael Jordan, this mammoth, positions perfectly for the offensive rebound! Insane court vision!
Lionel Messi calls for the sub! Even an association football player's stamina with their football boots has limits!
Michael Jordan goes to work to the tunnel in disappointment. This basketball god will learn from this.
Stephen Curry stares at his hands like he doesn't recognize them. Michael Jordan exhales. Again. And again. My wife texted me: 'when are you coming home?' I said 'after the game.' That was two hours ago. We're packing up. Time for the late-night feature: 'Unsolved Mysteries: Where Is My Left Sock.'
Matchday 11 — vs New York Over-Timers
99-121 (L)
Stephen Curry, this swiss-army-knife type, announced to huge cheers! A sold-out gym on fire!
Raphael short on the attempt! Needs the reach of their rough justice!
Lionel Messi dribbles it off their foot! Their football boots would never betray an association football player like that!
LeBron James gets screened out of the play! This once-in-a-lifetime player lost in traffic!
Raphael, this do-it-all player, posts up and delivers a free throw! Textbook!
Halftime! LeBron James walks barefoot on the cold tunnel tiles. Fun fact: LeBron James blocked a shot in the finals... And dislocated a thumb celebrating. Classic. Back on the court. The coach changed the starting five, that'll be a surprise.
Stephen Curry takes off and kicks the stanchion! This top-tier talent losing composure!
A reverse layup from Raphael hits the iron! Lack of consistency under the spotlight!
This once-in-a-lifetime player Michael Jordan calls the audible! Changed the play and it works!
This up-and-coming baller Raphael stumbles! The fatigue is real after the four quarters!
LeBron James walks off in silence. This potential GOAT gave it all but it wasn't enough.
Raphael looks like someone who hasn't slept in three days. LeBron James looks like someone who won't sleep tonight. My evening in one word? Epic. In two words? Epic and loud. Alright, good night! Up next: 'Secret Life of Your Mailman.' Episode 47.
Matchday 12 — vs Cleveland Twin-Towers
110-107 (W)
And we're underway! LeBron James touches the Wilson first! This undisputed superstar looks eager!
LeBron James rotates perfectly for the brilliant anticipation! A gym-rat work ethic on full display!
Stephen Curry forces a deep three from the left corner! This elite player trying too hard!
Stephen Curry with another pull-up jumper! You can't stop this man!
Lionel Messi directs traffic on the arena! Traffic control by an association football player with the winning goal!
Break. Lionel Messi's socks are soaking wet — quick change on the spot. Did you know Lionel Messi entered the dunk contest... At 5'9"? Courage knows no height. Jump ball to restart. Let the second half begin!
LeBron James rises up for the game-winner! A devastating dunk! This franchise cornerstone is the moment!
Stephen Curry rejects the layup! A defensive stop by this versatile guy! Get that out!
You can cut the tension with a knife! A hostile crowd as LeBron James steps up!
Raphael ties it up! Evening things out with vigilante composure!
Stephen Curry lets fly off the court victorious! This certified bucket leaves it all out there!
LeBron James and Lionel Messi swing Stephen Curry around by his arms like a carousel. He looks sick. On my end, the AC in the booth broke down. I sweated more than Stephen Curry. Alright, good night! Up next: 'Secret Life of Your Mailman.' Episode 47.
Matchday 13 — vs Boston Ring-Chasers
92-104 (L)
Lionel Messi huddles with the team! Huddling up, the association football player strategizes!
Stephen Curry dribbles but the shot rims out! Limited stamina rears its ugly head!
This world-class player Stephen Curry commits the 5-second violation! Clock management injury-prone body!
This All-Star caliber talent Stephen Curry caught ball-watching! Backdoor cut for an easy score!
A devastating dunk from Michael Jordan! This generational talent reminding everyone why they're on top!
Halftime. Lionel Messi is holding his ribs walking toward the tunnel. Little scoop: Lionel Messi collects Pokemon cards. That Charizard is worth more than his first contract. Both teams return. You can tell the coach gave them an earful.
Lionel Messi walks away muttering! Muttering about the winning goal under their breath!
Lionel Messi misfires back to the basket! Even this potential GOAT has off nights!
Lionel Messi communicates the switch! Clear as an association football player's instructions!
Michael Jordan explodes but the legs won't cooperate! Heavy feet catching up!
This living legend Michael Jordan shakes hands and moves on. In the end, sometimes predictable game proved costly.
LeBron James hurls his mouthguard into the trash. Raphael keeps his in, chewing on the frustration. On my end, I discovered the arena's coffee machine was broken. The game nearly went uncommentated. Thanks everyone! And now: 'Keeping Up with the Kardashians: Season 312.' They will never stop.
Matchday 14 — vs San Antonio Skyscrapers
89-112 (L)
Michael Jordan takes the floor with that look in his eyes! He came to play tonight!
Raphael can't buy a shot! Wouldn't happen with the unpunished villain, a vigilante always hits!
Lionel Messi forces the pass! Forcing their football boots where it doesn't fit!
Lionel Messi, this compact dynamo, gets blown by on the perimeter! Sometimes predictable game in the legs!
Raphael scores again! When you're a vigilante by trade, the pill is child's play!
The players head in. Raphael slips on the wet tunnel floor. Did you know? Raphael tried to become a rapper before basketball. The world dodged a bullet. On to the next chapter. The court is just waiting for the ball.
This player on the come-up Raphael gets into it with the opponent! Tempers flaring!
This guy with a proven track record Raphael short-arms a thunderous slam in the paint! Not enough lift!
Lionel Messi with the perfect cut! Precision of an association football player with their football boots!
LeBron James, this guy with rings on every finger, sucking wind after that sprint! This ball game of battle!
This jersey-selling name Stephen Curry congratulates the opponent. Class in defeat from this jersey-selling name.
Stephen Curry's complexion is grey. Michael Jordan's is red. Defeat comes in different colors. I spent the evening standing up and sitting down every thirty seconds. My Fitbit is congratulating me. We're packing up. Time for the late-night feature: 'Unsolved Mysteries: Where Is My Left Sock.'
Matchday 15 — vs Oklahoma City Treasure-Chest
96-117 (L)
Raphael bounces the damn ball pre-game! Getting that rhythm going!
Michael Jordan, this once-in-a-lifetime player, fumbles the finish from mid-range! Back to the drawing board!
Michael Jordan tries to be too fancy and loses the orange! Occasional mental lapses in the decision-making!
Raphael loses their assignment! Like losing their rough justice in the workshop!
Raphael knocks down a scoop layup facing the rim! Ice in the veins!
Halftime! Stephen Curry looks in the mirror and shakes his head. Fun fact: Stephen Curry is unbeatable at arm wrestling in the locker room. Even the center is scared. Back to business. The players bounce around to warm up.
Michael Jordan mutters to himself walking back! This hall-of-fame lock fighting inner demons!
Brick! LeBron James misfires in transition! Tendency to rush at the worst time!
This big-name player Stephen Curry attacks the closeout! Driving past the over-eager defender!
Michael Jordan, this absolute legend, is dragging! The 4 periods of 12 minutes minutes taking their toll!
Stephen Curry reflects on what could have been. Tendency to force bad shots the difference tonight.
Raphael snaps at the bench on his way out. Lionel Messi says nothing, but his look says everything. On my end, the AC in the booth broke down. I sweated more than Lionel Messi. We're done here. Up next: 'Top Chef: Microwave Edition.' Bon appetit.
GOON SQAUD ends the season #8 with a 8W-7L record. Season MVP: LeBron James.
Season Journal
Stop. Everybody shut up. You feel that? That smell of freshly waxed hardwood, brand-new kicks, and electric tension hanging in the air? That's the smell of a night that's going down in the history books. We're in a building where every seat is taken, every eye is locked on the tunnel where a team that has thrilled generations is about to emerge. Championships, heartbreaks, legendary comebacks, midnight trades that shifted the entire balance of the league... This franchise is a damn novel all by itself. And tonight, we're starting the next chapter. Ladies and gentlemen... GOON SQAUD!
The real reason this building is at capacity? It's him. LeBron James. The man. The beast. Standing at 206 cm, and not an ounce of fat, all lean muscle and raw talent. This dude was put on Earth to play basketball, there's no other explanation. Watch him move on the court and it's like watching a predator in the savanna: every movement is calculated, every step is perfect, and when he decides to strike, it's already too late for the defender. Nature built a monster, and we're lucky enough to watch him play tonight.
The scary thing is that the more pressure rises, the more he rises with it. Fourth quarter, down by three, the opposing coach screaming, the crowd roaring... And he just shrugs, takes the ball, and nails a step-back three over three defenders draped all over him like it's a Tuesday morning shootaround drill. This is the kind of player you don't just build a team around, you build an era around him. And tonight, that era begins.
Hold on tight because the next name is going to make you spit out your beer: Raphael. Profession? Vigilante. Yeah. The coach saw him on TV, called his agent (who didn't exist), and offered him a ten-day contract "to see." The guy showed up with their rough justice, a ham sandwich, and bulletproof enthusiasm. At his first practice, he attempted a dunk and ended up hanging from the net like a cat stuck in a tree. The fire department came. Twice. But he's got heart, the man, and apparently the precision he puts into the unpunished villain could translate to mid-range shooting. We believe. Well, the coach believes. The rest of us broke out the popcorn.
Now listen up, the owner has pulled out the checkbook and he's willing to eat the luxury tax penalties. We're in the big leagues. Two max contracts, well-paid veterans on every corner. They're all-in. Every extra dollar spent costs them three in taxes, but they don't care: they want to raise that trophy in June and they've got the firepower to back it up.
GOON SQAUD ends the season #8 with a 8W-7L record. Season MVP: LeBron James.
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