Mijn ideale starting five — basketball_team 🇳🇱
5 leden · TeamBranch
Seizoensjournaal
Klassement
| # | Team | W | V | Pts |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| 1 | Oklahoma City Treasure-Chest | 15 | 0 | 30 |
| 2 | Detroit Engine-Roar | 14 | 1 | 28 |
| 3 | San Antonio Skyscrapers | 11 | 4 | 22 |
| 4 | Cleveland Twin-Towers | 10 | 5 | 20 |
| 5 | Boston Ring-Chasers | 10 | 5 | 20 |
| 6 | New York Over-Timers | 8 | 7 | 16 |
| 7 | My Team | 8 | 7 | 16 |
| 8 | Denver Horse-Track | 8 | 7 | 16 |
| 9 | Houston Blast-Off | 7 | 8 | 14 |
| 10 | Phoenix No-Defense | 6 | 9 | 12 |
| 11 | Minnesota Ice-Wall | 5 | 10 | 10 |
| 12 | Los Angeles Nursing-Home | 5 | 10 | 10 |
| 13 | Toronto Border-Patrol | 4 | 11 | 8 |
| 14 | Philadelphia Injury-Report | 4 | 11 | 8 |
| 15 | Orlando Magic-Beans | 3 | 12 | 6 |
| 16 | Miami Heart-Attack | 2 | 13 | 4 |
Voorseizoen
Holy shit, the arena is erupting and the game hasn't even started. There are 20,000 absolute maniacs on their feet chanting the name of a franchise with more scars than a retired boxer. Seasons of domination, seasons of total demolition, insane 3 AM trades, Draft picks that smelled like either genius or pure madness, nobody knew at the time, and honestly sometimes we still don't. But tonight, all of that is behind us. Tonight is the present, and the present reeks of adrenaline and revenge. The team with no name, baby! Now let's talk about the man who moves jerseys faster than hot dogs at the concession stand. Victor Wembanyama. Just the name sends chills through the building. Standing at 224 cm, arms that cover half the court, and a basketball IQ so fast that defenders feel like they're playing in slow motion. This man doesn't walk, he glides. He doesn't jump, he launches into orbit. And when he locks eyes with you before a free throw, you feel like YOU'RE the one about to catch the ball in your face. His teammate told me something last week that gave me chills. He said: "When he's silent in the locker room before a game, I know we're about to destroy everybody." The man doesn't talk, he executes. He doesn't celebrate, he absorbs. And when the buzzer is approaching and the score is tight, everybody knows. The teammates, the opponents, the refs, the guy selling nachos on the upper deck. Everybody knows the ball is ending up in his hands. And it's ending up in the basket. Moment of truth, folks. You see the guy at the end of the bench, the one who looks completely lost among the giants? That's Hulk. A wetenschapper in civilian life. The kind of guy who handles hun laboratoriumnotitieboek better than a basketball, and who somehow ended up on a professional roster because the coach "had a vision." A vision, ladies and gentlemen. Probably somewhere between his second and third mojito at the All-Star Weekend party. Hulk has a unique playing style: he runs a lot, understands very little, and has an unfortunate tendency to treat de verborgen waarheid and the basketball exact same way. The fans already love him. Not for his stats (he has none) but because every time he steps on the court, it's Christmas morning. The budget, let's talk about it. Or actually, let's not, because it'll make you dizzy. We're beyond the luxury tax, beyond the second apron, we're in a zone that even the league's tax accountants struggle to calculate. The owner burns cash like others burn firewood, and he doesn't bat an eye. Every season this team doesn't win the title is a financial scandal. The pressure is absolute, the talent is maximal, and the margin for error is zero. Welcome to the world of superteams, where failure isn't an option, it's a public humiliation.
Speeldag 1 — vs Detroit Engine-Roar
94-109 (V)
Kawhi Leonard, this mammoth, is introduced and the arena explodes! This respected competitor is in the building!
This name that's buzzing Kawhi Leonard shanks a euro-step from mid-range! That's uncharacteristic!
Victor Wembanyama fades away the rock right to the defense! Costly mistake by this respected competitor!
This global icon Kobe Bryant can't recover! Scored on from the right corner! Sometimes predictable game!
Jesus Christ lets fly the damn ball with flair and hits a two-handed slam! Sensational!
That's a cut. Victor Wembanyama stumbles slightly reaching the locker room. Did you know? Victor Wembanyama has a personal mini-fridge in the locker room. Nobody knows what's inside. Here we go again. The players have changed jerseys.
Jesus Christ, this basketball god, with the frustrated foul! Tendency to rush in tough moments!
Victor Wembanyama air-mails a fadeaway jumper off the pick and roll! Way off for this player on the come-up!
Hulk changes the defensive scheme! Strategic mind of a wetenschapper!
Victor Wembanyama is running on pure willpower! This legit talent refusing to quit!
Kobe Bryant blows past to the tunnel in disappointment. This hall-of-fame lock will learn from this.
Kobe Bryant's gaze is cold, distant. Jesus Christ's gaze is hot, angry. During the third quarter, I spilled my soup. Yes, I had soup in the booth. Don't judge. That's it for tonight. Coming up: 'True Confessions: I Put Ketchup on Pasta.'
Speeldag 2 — vs Miami Heart-Attack
125-88 (W)
Kobe Bryant, this household name, draws first blood! A devastating dunk to start!
Kobe Bryant, this long boy, with a silky scoop layup in the paint! Smooth operator!
Hulk with the hockey assist! Setting up the play like a true wetenschapper!
This household name Kobe Bryant with a cold-blooded double-clutch layup! No conscience!
Victor Wembanyama, this next-level player, clamps down on the star player! An unmatched feel for the game on the assignment!
Intermission. Kobe Bryant dumps an entire water bottle over his head. Did you know Kobe Bryant plays better when it's raining outside? Even indoors. Go figure. We're back! The coach drew stuff on the whiteboard, let's see if it works.
Kawhi Leonard attacks back to the basket and finishes with a devastating dunk! Too good!
This up-and-coming baller Victor Wembanyama puts the exclamation point! A tear drop driving to the hoop!
Jesus Christ wants to rename the key after the game! Territorial messias!
Hulk silences the away crowd! Ice-cold a salute to the fans! Love it!
This certified GOAT candidate Kobe Bryant walks off to a standing ovation! A Finals-like atmosphere! Incredible!
Kobe Bryant does a belly slide on the court. Hulk does a back slide. The hardwood is ruined. On my end, I ate peanuts through the entire third quarter. Salt is my drug of choice. That's it. Up next: 'Anthony Bourdain Visits: The Park-and-Ride in Poughkeepsie.' Culture shock.
Speeldag 3 — vs Orlando Magic-Beans
107-94 (W)
Kobe Bryant rises up with energy from the opening whistle! This basketball god locked in!
Kawhi Leonard takes off the Wilson into a pull-up jumper! Ridiculous creativity shining through!
Victor Wembanyama, this towering presence, covers ground to get the clutch steal! Wow!
Victor Wembanyama, this established player, surveys and delivers! Scary good handles in the playmaking!
Jesus Christ overloads one side! Loading up with messias strategy!
Break. Hulk collapses on the locker room floor, arms spread wide. The staff told me Hulk sings in the shower. Badly. Very badly. Back at it! The coach said two words. Two words that were enough.
Kawhi Leonard converts a tough free throw back to the basket! Skill level: elite!
The arena is electric! This absolute legend Kobe Bryant thriving in palpable tension!
Kawhi Leonard puts ego aside! The team comes first for this respected competitor!
Kobe Bryant overcomes the early struggles! This basketball god rising like a phoenix!
Kobe Bryant sits on the bench with a smile! This franchise cornerstone job well done!
Kobe Bryant and Victor Wembanyama cradle the game ball like a baby. Jesus Christ takes a photo. On my end, I ate peanuts through the entire third quarter. Salt is my drug of choice. Thanks everyone! And now: 'Keeping Up with the Kardashians: Season 312.' They will never stop.
Speeldag 4 — vs Philadelphia Injury-Report
120-79 (W)
Kawhi Leonard, this 7-footer, sets the tone immediately! An unmatched feel for the game from the jump!
Hulk lets fly with the precision of a wetenschapper at work. And it's a buzzer-beater!
Kawhi Leonard with the skip pass! Assist leads to an open reverse layup!
Jesus Christ buries it! Competing the game all week, burying shots all weekend!
Kobe Bryant anticipates the cut and deflects the Wilson! This certified GOAT candidate reading minds!
Break! Jesus Christ has left a puddle of sweat at every step through the tunnel. Did you know Jesus Christ knits to unwind? Made a scarf in Philadelphia Injury-Report's colors. By accident, obviously. We're back! The players look fired up.
This well-respected player Kawhi Leonard is automatic from the right corner! A catch-and-shoot triple drops again!
This basketball god Kobe Bryant adds another! This is a demolition job!
Hulk, this guy with rings on every finger, waves off the screen and runs into it anyway! Classic!
Kawhi Leonard blows a kiss to the fans! Cool as you like, a hug with the coach!
Kawhi Leonard, this mountain of a man, carries the team to victory! MVP-level performance!
Kobe Bryant points both hands at the sky. Jesus Christ points at Kobe Bryant. Hulk points at the exit. Tonight my colleague told me I smell like stress. I told him it was my cologne. Good night! Up next: 'My 600-Lb Neighbor: He Makes Noise at 3 AM.' Shocking testimonies.
Speeldag 5 — vs Phoenix No-Defense
107-105 (W)
The gymnasium welcomes Jesus Christ! The messias with the game has arrived!
Victor Wembanyama times it perfectly and rejects the shot! A defensive rebound driving to the hoop!
This undisputed superstar Kobe Bryant misses the mark! A scoop layup goes begging under the basket!
The technical flair of Hulk recalls their wetenschapper days. A reverse layup! Sublime!
Kobe Bryant pushes the pace in transition! Freakish explosiveness showing in every play!
Halftime. Hulk glances at his phone for two seconds and puts it back. Bus driver's confession: Hulk raps gibberish during road trips. Loudly. The players step onto the hardwood once more. The second half starts now.
Victor Wembanyama delivers in the clutch! A reverse layup from the left corner! This established player is ice cold!
This undisputed superstar Kobe Bryant forces the bad pass! Ridiculous creativity creating turnovers!
Jesus Christ pulls up in front of the home faithful! A packed arena! Beautiful!
Kawhi Leonard nails a double-clutch layup with the shot clock winding down! Clutch!
Victor Wembanyama, this hooper's hooper, high-fives the bench! An ice-cold stare at the opposing bench! Team effort!
Jesus Christ and Kobe Bryant act out a movie scene where they reunite in slow motion. The crowd is dying. Tonight I chewed through two pens. The office supply budget is going to explode. That's all for tonight. And now: 'Deadliest Catch: Rush Hour on the Beltway.' Documentary.
Speeldag 6 — vs Los Angeles Nursing-Home
103-116 (V)
Victor Wembanyama, this giant, announced to huge cheers! A cathedral silence!
Hulk, this swiss-army-knife type, draws the foul but can't capitalize! Heavy feet!
Kobe Bryant with the lazy pass! Tendency to force bad shots leading to easy points!
This solid pro Kawhi Leonard bites on the fake! Beaten at half court!
Jesus Christ cuts and scores! Sharp as their bare hands, this messias!
Back to the locker room. Victor Wembanyama's shorts are torn but he couldn't care less. Fun fact: Victor Wembanyama failed the driving test three times. On the court it's a different story, thankfully. The hardwood awaits. Here we go for the second half.
This guy with a proven track record Victor Wembanyama can't believe the call! Arguing with the ref!
Victor Wembanyama launches but the shot rims out! Hot head rears its ugly head!
This player on the come-up Kawhi Leonard adjusts the angle mid-drive! That dawg mentality body control!
This household name Kobe Bryant can't close out! The legs are shot from the left corner!
Jesus Christ had the chances but couldn't convert. This absolute legend left wanting.
Victor Wembanyama bites the inside of his cheek. Kobe Bryant pinches the bridge of his nose. My evening? A microphone, cold coffee, and the greatest show on earth. What more could you ask for. Thanks everyone! Up next: 'Ice Road Truckers: Uber Eats Delivery on a Rainy Night.'
Speeldag 7 — vs Toronto Border-Patrol
119-87 (W)
This hooper's hooper Kawhi Leonard in the starting lineup! Let's see what this hooper's hooper brings!
This guy with rings on every finger Hulk with a picture-perfect devastating dunk! The crowd goes wild!
Kawhi Leonard with the transition assist! This solid pro pushing the pace with freakish explosiveness!
Jesus Christ catches fire! And it's a sky hook! Silky smooth technique taking over!
Kawhi Leonard with the huge iron-wall defense back to the basket! This guy with a proven track record says no!
Finally a breather. Kobe Bryant has calf cramps, the physio rushes over. Fun fact: Kobe Bryant tried to patent a celebration after a three-pointer. The application was rejected. We're back! The coach drew stuff on the whiteboard, let's see if it works.
A layup from downtown by Kobe Bryant! This mountain of a man with the long range!
Hulk spins without breaking a sweat! This hall-of-fame lock cruise control!
Kawhi Leonard, this established player, catches the basketball in the face! Hands of stone today!
Kawhi Leonard, this beanpole, flexes on the crowd! A team high-five after a buzzer-beater!
Jesus Christ delivers in this conference classic! The messias shows up with their bare hands!
Kobe Bryant moonwalks across the hardwood. Hulk attempts the worm. One of them pulls it off. My evening in one word? Epic. In two words? Epic and loud. That's all for tonight! Coming up: 'CSI: Underground Parking Garage.' Riveting stuff.
Speeldag 8 — vs Minnesota Ice-Wall
120-88 (W)
The game begins and Kobe Bryant is ready! You can see nerves of steel written all over his face!
Victor Wembanyama posts up through traffic and scores! Incredible finish!
Hulk, this solid build, runs the offense with unreal swagger! Beautiful passing!
Kobe Bryant hits an alley-oop! Silky smooth technique proving to be the difference tonight!
Kobe Bryant strips the ball cleanly! Veteran move right there!
End of the first half. Victor Wembanyama is beet red but still standing. Fun fact: Victor Wembanyama is unbeatable at arm wrestling in the locker room. Even the center is scared. The hardwood awaits. Here we go for the second half.
Jesus Christ converts the and-one! Tough as competing the game all day!
Kobe Bryant, this beanpole, is toying with the opposition from mid-range! Dominant!
This legit talent Victor Wembanyama trash talks then immediately misses! Karma!
Jesus Christ chest-bumps after a sky hook! Impact worthy of a messias victory!
This hall-of-fame lock Jesus Christ wraps up a sensational performance! Victory is sweet!
Jesus Christ and Kobe Bryant play rock-paper-scissors to decide who carries the ball. Jesus Christ loses. Tonight I lost my voice, rediscovered my passion, and forgot where I parked. A complete evening. See you soon. And now: '911: My Cat Climbed on Top of the Wardrobe.'
Speeldag 9 — vs Houston Blast-Off
94-111 (V)
Tip-off! Jesus Christ gets us started! Let's go!
Jesus Christ misfires facing the rim! This generational talent searching for answers!
This undisputed superstar Kobe Bryant dribbles off the foot! Unforced error!
Kawhi Leonard gets burned on the drive! Limited stamina in lateral movement!
Hulk hits the mid-range! The sweet spot, just like the hun laboratoriumnotitieboek placement!
Break. Kawhi Leonard asks the medical staff for coffee. Request denied. Fun fact: Kawhi Leonard tried to patent a celebration after a three-pointer. The application was rejected. Here they come. You can read the determination on their faces.
Jesus Christ mutters to himself walking back! This basketball god fighting inner demons!
A buzzer-beater by Victor Wembanyama at the top of the key is way off! Tough night for this established player!
Kawhi Leonard, this well-respected player, manipulates the defense with the eyes! Next-level basketball IQ!
Hulk labors up the court! Trudging like a wetenschapper dragging the de verborgen waarheid!
This absolute legend Jesus Christ tips the hat to the winner. Respect despite the pain.
Kawhi Leonard claps his hands in frustration. Jesus Christ clenches his jaw so hard you can hear it from here. Meanwhile, your favorite commentator spilled coffee on the mixing board. Twice. We're done for tonight. And now: 'Ancient Aliens: The True History of the Coffee Break.'
Speeldag 10 — vs Denver Horse-Track
107-114 (V)
Kobe Bryant, this tower, takes the court! The electric crowd is electric!
This undisputed superstar Kobe Bryant with a rare miss off the pick and roll! Even the best stumble!
Hulk tries to be too fancy and loses the leather! Injury-prone body in the decision-making!
Hulk loses their assignment! Like losing the hun laboratoriumnotitieboek in the workshop!
What a shot from Hulk! A wetenschapper bringing the hun laboratoriumnotitieboek energy to the temple of basketball!
Halftime. The doctor examines Jesus Christ's shoulder while the others catch their breath. Did you know Jesus Christ entered the dunk contest... At 5'9"? Courage knows no height. The hardwood awaits. Here we go for the second half.
Kobe Bryant gets a technical for complaining! Lack of consistency on full display!
Air ball from Jesus Christ! Being a messias doesn't help with shooting, apparently!
This player on the come-up Kawhi Leonard attacks the closeout! Driving past the over-eager defender!
Victor Wembanyama, this colossus, laboring up and down! Hot head draining the energy!
Victor Wembanyama dribbles past the media. This respected competitor not in the mood to talk.
Kawhi Leonard and Jesus Christ walk side by side without looking at each other. The silence is deafening. As for me, I powered through three coffees and a gas station sandwich. The glamorous life of sports journalism. Good night everyone! And now, the show nobody asked for: 'Pigeon Hunters.'
Speeldag 11 — vs New York Over-Timers
106-105 (W)
This once-in-a-lifetime player Kobe Bryant means business! Fast start at half court!
Victor Wembanyama pressures the inbound! This seasoned vet with relentless a gym-rat work ethic!
Kawhi Leonard explodes but overcooks it! Occasional mental lapses showing up again!
Victor Wembanyama, this legit talent, drops a sky hook driving to the hoop! Pure artistry!
Jesus Christ makes the right read! Saw it coming a mile away, true messias!
Both teams head in. Kobe Bryant has a red mark on his cheek from an elbow. Rumor has it Kobe Bryant does 100 push-ups before every game. Or 10. Depends who you ask. Back on the court. The crowd greets them with a standing ovation.
Kawhi Leonard rises up for the game-winner! A devastating dunk! This hooper's hooper is the moment!
Kawhi Leonard, this beanpole, swats it into the third row! A defensive rebound!
You can cut the tension with a knife! A boiling cauldron as Victor Wembanyama steps up!
Victor Wembanyama, this tree of a man, muscles through for a pull-up jumper in the extra period!
Victor Wembanyama, this mountain of a man, salutes the faithful! A victory dance! What a night!
Jesus Christ and Hulk pound their chests like gorillas. The coach pretends not to know them. I spent this entire evening standing because my chair has been broken for three games. Nobody fixes it. Good night everyone! Up next: 'Worst Cooks in America: Boiling an Egg Without Breaking It.' Challenge accepted.
Speeldag 12 — vs Cleveland Twin-Towers
93-99 (V)
This first-ballot legend Hulk gets the crowd going early! The energy is building!
Hulk can't convert! The wetenschapper's touch with the de verborgen waarheid deserted them!
This name that's buzzing Victor Wembanyama gets pickpocketed on the low block! Sloppy handling!
Jesus Christ gets blown by! Even a messias couldn't stop that!
Kobe Bryant with another and-one! You can't stop this man!
Into the tunnel. Hulk grabs a banana on the way and devours it. I've been told Hulk always puts his left shoe on first. The one day he switched, gave up 40 points. Let's go, we're back. The crowd claps in rhythm.
Kawhi Leonard, this name that's buzzing, yells at the coaching staff! Defense that's basically a suggestion causing friction!
A bank shot attempt by Kawhi Leonard falls short! Occasional mental lapses in the legs!
Hulk outsmarts the opponent! The brains of a wetenschapper with the hun laboratoriumnotitieboek!
Hulk misses from fatigue! This basketball god can't get the elevation along the baseline!
Jesus Christ consoles teammates! The heart of a messias in that moment!
Kawhi Leonard punches his locker when he gets to the locker room. Jesus Christ slides down the wall to the floor. I drank so much coffee tonight I'm going to commentate in my sleep. Good night everyone! And now, the show nobody asked for: 'Pigeon Hunters.'
Speeldag 13 — vs Boston Ring-Chasers
113-98 (W)
And we're underway! Jesus Christ touches the basketball first! This undisputed superstar looks eager!
A two-handed slam by Kobe Bryant facing the rim! Iron discipline in every fiber!
Jesus Christ covers acres of the venue! The endurance of a messias on a double shift!
Kawhi Leonard, this next-level player, drives and kicks! Perfect assist for an alley-oop!
Victor Wembanyama, this mountain of a man, uses the jab step to freeze the defender! Crafty!
Break! Hulk heads straight to the bathroom moment he hits the locker room. Did you know? Hulk once signed an autograph for a referee. During the game. Mid free-throw. Jump ball to restart. Let the second half begin!
A fadeaway jumper by Kawhi Leonard! The building is rocking! This well-respected player takeover!
Vendors sell Hulk-themed merch! Merchandise gold for this wetenschapper!
Kawhi Leonard finds the open teammate! This player making noise making everyone better!
This living legend Hulk digs deep! Finding reserves nobody knew existed!
Jesus Christ carries the team to victory! Strong as a messias on a Monday morning!
Hulk moonwalks across the hardwood. Kawhi Leonard attempts the worm. One of them pulls it off. I discovered tonight that my mic was off for three minutes. Three minutes of pure genius, lost forever. See you at the next game! In the meantime: 'Pawn Stars: Selling a Pen Without a Cap.'
Speeldag 14 — vs San Antonio Skyscrapers
98-105 (V)
This next-level player Kawhi Leonard comes out aggressive! Opens with a thunderous slam at half court!
Kobe Bryant, this absolute legend, sends the rock wide! The touch is off tonight!
Sloppy handling by Hulk! Ontdekkenning the de verborgen waarheid is done with more finesse!
Jesus Christ gets crossed over! This living legend left frozen from the right corner!
This guy with a proven track record Kawhi Leonard goes to work at half court! A reverse layup drops beautifully!
The locker room. Kawhi Leonard sprawls out full-length on the bench. Intel: Kawhi Leonard refuses to play if the ball isn't inflated to exactly 8 PSI. Not 7.9, not 8.1. Eight. Both teams retake the floor. The best may be yet to come.
Kawhi Leonard slams the orange in frustration! Heavy feet on full display!
Jesus Christ with the off-balance buzzer beater! This absolute legend couldn't set the feet!
Victor Wembanyama, this next-level player, draws the double team and finds the open man! High IQ!
Victor Wembanyama explodes but the legs won't cooperate! Heavy feet catching up!
This first-ballot legend Kobe Bryant leaves the palace of hoops with head held high. Fought to the end.
Kawhi Leonard pushes away the reporter's microphone with a gesture. Jesus Christ takes the interview and says 'not tonight'. I tried taking notes during the game. My notebook is full of incomprehensible scribbles. Thanks for the game! And now, tonight's feature film: 'Fast and Furious 47: The Quest for a Parking Spot.'
Speeldag 15 — vs Oklahoma City Treasure-Chest
88-108 (V)
Hulk steps onto the den! From ontdekkenning the de verborgen waarheid to this, game time!
Victor Wembanyama, this seasoned vet, pulls the trigger along the baseline but no luck!
Kobe Bryant coughs up the orange! Tendency to force bad shots strikes again at the buzzer!
Jesus Christ gets crossed over! Ankles broken like the game on a rough day!
Kobe Bryant, this oversized freak, dominates from the right corner and puts up a floater! Unstoppable!
Rest. Kawhi Leonard buries his head in a wet towel and doesn't move. Intel: Kawhi Leonard asked Oklahoma City Treasure-Chest for their energy drink recipe. They refused. Here they come. You can read the determination on their faces.
Hulk glares at the ball! Like it personally betrayed this wetenschapper!
Kawhi Leonard fires a thunderous slam facing the rim but can't connect! Lack of consistency showing!
Victor Wembanyama reads the defense perfectly! Nerves of steel and a sky-high basketball IQ!
Hulk, this solid build, is moving in slow motion! Tank is empty!
Hulk absorbs the defeat! Taking it on the chin, a wetenschapper knows tough days!
Kobe Bryant's complexion is grey. Jesus Christ's is red. Defeat comes in different colors. I learned tonight that Kobe Bryant used to be a messias. That explains the unique running style. Good evening! Now: 'Destination Unknown: The Roundabout in Scranton, PA.' Total adventure.
My Team ends the season #7 with a 8W-7L record. Season MVP: Victor Wembanyama.
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Season journal
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