My dream starting five — basketball_team 🇺🇸
5 members · TeamBranch
Season Journal
Standings
| # | Team | W | L | Pts |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| 1 | Oklahoma City Treasure-Chest | 14 | 1 | 28 |
| 2 | Detroit Engine-Roar | 13 | 2 | 26 |
| 3 | Boston Ring-Chasers | 10 | 5 | 20 |
| 4 | San Antonio Skyscrapers | 10 | 5 | 20 |
| 5 | New York Over-Timers | 10 | 5 | 20 |
| 6 | Cleveland Twin-Towers | 10 | 5 | 20 |
| 7 | Minnesota Ice-Wall | 9 | 6 | 18 |
| 8 | Denver Horse-Track | 7 | 8 | 14 |
| 9 | Los Angeles Nursing-Home | 6 | 9 | 12 |
| 10 | Phoenix No-Defense | 6 | 9 | 12 |
| 11 | Toronto Border-Patrol | 5 | 10 | 10 |
| 12 | Houston Blast-Off | 5 | 10 | 10 |
| 13 | Philadelphia Injury-Report | 5 | 10 | 10 |
| 14 | Orlando Magic-Beans | 5 | 10 | 10 |
| 15 | My Team | 3 | 12 | 6 |
| 16 | Miami Heart-Attack | 2 | 13 | 4 |
Pre-season
Kill the cameras, turn off your phones, and shut your mouths because what we're about to witness tonight only happens once in a generation. We're in the belly of an arena where the floor trembles under the bass, where the Jumbotron spits fire, where 20,000 lunatics are screaming their heads off before the tip-off even happens. The franchise walking onto this court isn't a basketball club, it's a war machine forged in the pain of defeat and the madness of impossible comebacks. Every player here has gladiator blood in his veins and an ego size of Texas. The team with no name, baby! Alright, let's not kid ourselves, if the arena is packed to the gills, it's because of THE phenomenon. This guy isn't just a basketball player, he's a walking cheat code on the hardwood: give it up for Shaquille O'Neal! Picture this: standing at 216 cm, but he handles the rock with the agility of a 5'10" point guard and launches missiles from 30 feet like he's at shootaround. When he attacks the paint, it's simple, he's a freight train: either you get out of the way, or you end up on his poster doing the rounds on social media for a week straight. What kills you about this guy is that he makes basketball look easy. You watch him and you think "well yeah, it's simple." And then you realize the defender in front of him is 6'9", runs a 4.4 forty, and he just dropped a step-back in his face like he was dribbling against a traffic cone at practice. It's not ease, it's absolute mastery disguised as nonchalance. And damn, is it beautiful to watch. Alright, we need to address the elephant in the room. Or rather, the comedy show on the roster. Gol D. Roger is on this team. Gol D. Roger, who is an amateur and doesn't even know what "pick-and-roll" means. The guy shows up with bare hands under his arm, shoes that are clearly not regulation, and the cardio of a weekend smoker. At his first practice, he tried a crossover and twisted his ankle. At his second, he attempted a layup and the ball flew into the stands. But damn it, what this man has is balls of steel and an ability to make an entire arena laugh without even trying. And that, my friends, is worth every max contract in the world. The budget is like the guy who goes to a restaurant, looks at the menu, orders one entree and splits the dessert. It's not poverty, but it's not the high life either. They've got a decent roster, nobody's complaining, but nobody's saying "damn, what a squad" either. Solid without being spectacular. The kind of team that beats you on a Tuesday and you've forgotten about them by Wednesday morning. But underestimate them and they'll make you pay.
Matchday 1 — vs Detroit Engine-Roar
86-131 (L)
David huddles with the team! Huddling up, the monarch strategizes!
Gol D. Roger with the off-balance buzzer-beater! This total unknown couldn't set the feet!
King Arthur with the backcourt violation! This franchise cornerstone under too much pressure!
Jesus Christ loses the battle in the paint! Being a messiah doesn't help you here!
Jesus Christ vents at their teammates! The messiah who vents about the game!
The players leave the court. Shaquille O'Neal clings to the tunnel railing. Intel: Shaquille O'Neal asked Detroit Engine-Roar for their energy drink recipe. They refused. We're back! The coach drew stuff on the whiteboard, let's see if it works.
David misfires again! Having the realm's fate-shaped night!
David wipes sweat with the jersey! Drenched, the monarch has been putting in work!
Turnover by King Arthur! Decreing the realm's fate requires less coordination, clearly!
David, this swiss-army-knife type, throws the hands up! Exasperated in the paint!
King Arthur sits on the bench post-game! Sitting like a monarch after the scepter broke!
King Arthur sits down on the hardwood, head on his knees. David puts a hand on his shoulder without saying a word. I got a text from King Arthur after the game. Just kidding. Nobody texts me. See you soon. And now: '911: My Cat Climbed on Top of the Wardrobe.'
Matchday 2 — vs Miami Heart-Attack
104-98 (W)
The field house welcomes Jesus Christ! The messiah with the game has arrived!
Jesus Christ with a sky hook off the pick! Using screens better than most pros!
This basketball god Jesus Christ with the screen navigation! Gets through and contests!
Jesus Christ with the skip pass! Skipping over the defense, pure messiah vision!
Jesus Christ slows the pace when the team needs it! This global icon tempo control!
Halftime! Shaquille O'Neal walks barefoot on the cold tunnel tiles. Little scoop: Shaquille O'Neal tried to bribe the DJ to play his song. The DJ agreed. Nobody liked it. Back to business. The players bounce around to warm up.
King Arthur goes coast to coast for an off-balance shot! This hall-of-fame lock is relentless!
The road crowd tries to rally but King Arthur silences them! Immense pressure!
Gol D. Roger finds the open teammate! This surprise package making everyone better!
David, this versatile guy, evolves before our eyes! A play worth its weight in gold!
Jesus Christ dominates the box score! Numbers worthy of a messiah's the game chart!
David and Gol D. Roger stare at each other in silence for five seconds. Then burst out laughing at the exact same time. During the break, I tried doing crunches behind the console. My back remembers. We're packing up. Time for the late-night feature: 'Unsolved Mysteries: Where Is My Left Sock.'
Matchday 3 — vs Orlando Magic-Beans
88-107 (L)
King Arthur fires up the crowd to open the game! This once-in-a-lifetime player starting strong!
David, this all-time great, can't convert the fast break! Wasted opportunity!
King Arthur with the backcourt violation! A monarch going backwards with the realm's fate!
Gol D. Roger gambles for the steal and pays the price! Occasional mental lapses!
David pulls off a sky hook out of nowhere! Was that basketball or monarch magic? Unbelievable!
Break. David collapses next to the vending machine. Anecdote of the day: David forgot his shorts on the last road trip. Played in borrowed shorts two sizes too big. Tipoff! The ref blows the whistle, the ball is in the air.
King Arthur glares at the pill! Like it personally betrayed this monarch!
David, this smooth operator, gets the look but can't convert off the pick and roll!
Jesus Christ uses a suffocating man-to-man defense brilliantly! Strategy from competing the game!
Gol D. Roger, this newcomer, with the tired turnover! Legs and mind fatigued!
King Arthur shakes hands through the pain! A monarch who respects the scepter and the game!
Jesus Christ turns back to look at the court one last time. David doesn't turn around. Did you know that David practices messiah on Tuesdays? Builds character, that does. We're signing off. And now: 'Musical Chairs: Subway Seat Edition.' Winner takes all.
Matchday 4 — vs Philadelphia Injury-Report
104-86 (W)
Gol D. Roger, this smooth operator, announced to huge cheers! A cathedral silence!
Shaquille O'Neal blows past the Wilson beautifully for a euro-step! What touch!
Shaquille O'Neal, this mountain of a man, blankets the shooter driving to the hoop! No daylight!
Gol D. Roger, this smooth operator, drops the dime! An unmatched feel for the game passing on display!
Shaquille O'Neal, this franchise cornerstone, draws the double team and finds the open man! High IQ!
That's a cut. Shaquille O'Neal stumbles slightly reaching the locker room. Fun fact: Shaquille O'Neal is unbeatable at arm wrestling in the locker room. Even the center is scared. Play resumes. The DJ drops a beat to hype up the crowd.
Jesus Christ handles the ball like their bare hands. A buzzer beater at the buzzer! The precision of a messiah!
This first-ballot legend Shaquille O'Neal silences the hostile crowd! A Playoff atmosphere shifts!
This dude out of nowhere Gol D. Roger celebrates the teammate's score! It's about the team!
They said a messiah couldn't play at this level. Jesus Christ and their bare hands disagree!
David caps a perfect night! Clean as a monarch on their best day!
Shaquille O'Neal charges toward the crowd. King Arthur catches him just before he dives into the stands. My wife texted me: 'when are you coming home?' I said 'after the game.' That was two hours ago. We're done! And now: 'The Voice: Office Karaoke After Two Beers Edition.'
Matchday 5 — vs Phoenix No-Defense
100-101 (L)
This first-ballot legend Shaquille O'Neal catches the damn ball early and goes to work! Opening salvo!
An alley-oop by Jesus Christ! The crowd erupts! Ridiculous creativity personified!
Jesus Christ bites on the fake! Fooled like a messiah by counterfeit the game!
Shaquille O'Neal attacks the damn ball into the front rim! That's frustrating for this all-time great!
Shaquille O'Neal dishes and scores! The comeback is on! This potential GOAT believing!
Break. Gol D. Roger collapses next to the vending machine. Fun fact: Gol D. Roger blocked a shot in the finals... And dislocated a thumb celebrating. Classic. Back at it! The coach said two words. Two words that were enough.
David can't deliver! Even a monarch can't help in this the first quarter!
Shaquille O'Neal, this hall-of-fame lock, yells at the coaching staff! Occasional mental lapses causing friction!
This hall-of-fame lock Shaquille O'Neal turns adversity into fuel! An All-Star Game worthy play energy!
David spins and slips! Turnover in the first quarter! Ego the size of Texas!
King Arthur, this all-around player, hangs the head. Tough loss despite pure God-given talent effort.
Jesus Christ refuses to watch the replay on the jumbotron. David watches it and immediately regrets it. Tonight I had a revelation: David runs exactly like my neighbor when he misses the bus. Thanks for being here. Coming up: 'Forbidden Zone: Behind the Scenes of a Vending Machine.'
Matchday 6 — vs Los Angeles Nursing-Home
97-101 (L)
This absolute legend Shaquille O'Neal opens the scoring! An alley-oop! Early advantage!
This potential GOAT Shaquille O'Neal capitalizes on the low block! A layup with unreal swagger!
David gets burned on the drive! Shaky emotions under pressure in lateral movement!
This once-in-a-lifetime player Jesus Christ muscles up a step-back three but can't get it to fall!
Jesus Christ sparks the comeback! The messiah fire from their bare hands ignites the court!
End of the second quarter. Shaquille O'Neal is breathing so loud you can hear it from here. Intel: Shaquille O'Neal refuses to play if the ball isn't inflated to exactly 8 PSI. Not 7.9, not 8.1. Eight. We're off again! The crowd chants the team's name.
Shaquille O'Neal gets stripped during crunch time! That's gonna be a costly turnover!
David slams the rock in frustration! Shaky emotions under pressure on full display!
The transformation of Shaquille O'Neal is complete! This all-time great has arrived!
This household name King Arthur misses the free throws! Limited stamina at the line!
King Arthur walks off in defeat! Even a monarch's skills couldn't save tonight!
Jesus Christ collapses into the first available chair. David stays standing, eyes glazed over. Behind the scenes, the cameraman told me I was making faces during free throws. I had no idea. Thanks everyone! Up next: 'Ice Road Truckers: Uber Eats Delivery on a Rainy Night.'
Matchday 7 — vs Toronto Border-Patrol
91-100 (L)
This total unknown Gol D. Roger means business! Fast start at the top of the key!
Jesus Christ with a wild attempt! This living legend not finding the range tonight!
Jesus Christ gets the ball stripped! The game would have stayed in a messiah's grip!
Shaquille O'Neal turns the head and loses the man! This generational talent napping defensively!
This guy nobody was talking about Gol D. Roger does it again! A fadeaway jumper with effortless precision!
That's a wrap for now. Jesus Christ dives into the tunnel. True story: Jesus Christ had his parking spot stolen by Toronto Border-Patrol's mascot. Still talks about it. Resetting the counters for this second half. Well, not really.
This hall-of-fame lock Jesus Christ can't believe the call! Arguing with the ref!
Jesus Christ misses the open look! A messiah never misses the game... But misses the pill!
Gol D. Roger, this solid build, posts up the smaller defender! Mismatch hunting!
David labors up the court! Trudging like a monarch dragging the realm's fate!
This global icon King Arthur tips the hat to the winner. Respect despite the pain.
Jesus Christ walks like someone carrying the weight of the world. David drags one foot after the other. Behind the scenes, I learned David was also a messiah in a past life. You can feel it in the game. Good night! And now, 'The Bachelor: Stray Cat Edition.' Who will find love in this dumpster?
Matchday 8 — vs Minnesota Ice-Wall
92-120 (L)
King Arthur, this tweener, sets the tone immediately! A killer instinct from the jump!
King Arthur misses! Even a monarch can't fix that shot!
Gol D. Roger loses the damn ball in traffic! This unknown gem can't afford that!
David caught flat-footed! Standing still, the monarch reflexes took a nap!
Shaquille O'Neal, this colossus, posts up and delivers a fadeaway jumper! Textbook!
Halftime whistle. Jesus Christ flops into the first available chair. Anecdote: Jesus Christ once wore his jersey inside out for the entire first quarter. Nobody dared say anything. Break's over, time for basketball. Let's go.
King Arthur picks up the second technical! This hall-of-fame lock ejected! Ego the size of Texas!
David rushes a pull-up jumper from downtown! Sometimes predictable game creeping in!
King Arthur controls the glass! Board work as precise as a day job with the scepter!
David is gassed! More tired than after a full day of decreing the realm's fate!
Shaquille O'Neal walks off in silence. This certified GOAT candidate gave it all but it wasn't enough.
King Arthur isolates in a corner, back against the wall. David tries to talk. He raises a hand to say no. Tonight I yelled so loud the guy in the next booth asked me to keep it down. Mid-game. Thanks! And now, 'Neighbors from Hell: The Community Compost Bin Saga.' Episode 1 of 74.
Matchday 9 — vs Houston Blast-Off
96-113 (L)
Gol D. Roger, this combo guard, takes the court! The immense pressure is electric!
This surprise package Gol D. Roger rattles it out! So close yet so far from way beyond the arc!
David, this all-around player, gets called for the carry! Defense that's basically a suggestion in ball-handling!
Jesus Christ gets posted up and scored on! This all-time great overpowered!
Gol D. Roger with a gym-rat work ethic finds the angle for a thunderous slam!
The players head in. Shaquille O'Neal slips on the wet tunnel floor. They say Shaquille O'Neal has a ritual where he touches the basket post three times. If someone watches, starts over. The hardwood awaits. Here we go for the second half.
Shaquille O'Neal lets fly and kicks the stanchion! This once-in-a-lifetime player losing composure!
Gol D. Roger clanks another one off the rim! This guy nobody was talking about needs to find rhythm!
Jesus Christ baits the defender! Got them hook, line, and sinker!
David is cramping up! This once-in-a-lifetime player trying to shake it off! Defense that's basically a suggestion!
Jesus Christ leaves the gymnasium quietly! Quiet as a messiah after the game setback!
Jesus Christ takes off his shoes and carries them like a ghost. David follows the same path. I spent the evening looking for a stat that couldn't be found. It didn't exist. I made one up. Thanks for watching this game. And now: 'Deal or No Deal: Office Fridge Edition.'
Matchday 10 — vs Denver Horse-Track
109-103 (W)
This newcomer Gol D. Roger comes out firing! A devastating dunk in the first minute!
Shaquille O'Neal, this hall-of-fame lock, operates off the pick and roll with a step-back three! Clinic!
Jesus Christ takes the charge! Tough as nails, that's a messiah who doesn't back down!
King Arthur, this solid build, runs the offense with freakish explosiveness! Beautiful passing!
Gol D. Roger, this tweener, exploits the mismatch under the basket! Smart play!
Break time. David bolts to the locker room without looking at anyone. Did you know? David launched a basketball podcast. Two episodes. Zero listeners. Still going. Back at it! The players jog toward center court.
David with the reverse layup! Creative as a monarch with the realm's fate!
Post-game fireworks for Jesus Christ! Brighter than their bare hands on a perfect day!
Gol D. Roger, this rising star, picks up the fallen teammate! Next-level basketball IQ beyond the stats!
Shaquille O'Neal spins with elegance and power! This undisputed superstar is the complete package!
King Arthur walks off the venue victorious! This guy with rings on every finger owns this moment!
Jesus Christ does the floss while David spins like a top. Shaquille O'Neal just stands there, arms crossed. Cool. Tonight I chewed through two pens. The office supply budget is going to explode. Thanks for tonight. Up next: 'American Ninja Warrior: No Elevator Edition.' Sixth floor, no landing.
Matchday 11 — vs New York Over-Timers
77-121 (L)
And we're underway! Gol D. Roger touches the Wilson first! This newcomer looks eager!
King Arthur shoots short! Not enough juice! Even a monarch would cringe!
Jesus Christ with a wild pass that sails out! This all-time great giving it away!
This rising star Gol D. Roger commits the and-one foul! Sometimes predictable game in positioning!
Shaquille O'Neal, this first-ballot legend, barks at the teammate! Ego the size of Texas taking over!
Back to the locker room. King Arthur punches his locker. Fun fact: King Arthur tried to negotiate a 'mandatory nap' clause in his contract. Denied. Tipoff! The ball bounces, the arena vibrates, we're back.
Jesus Christ bricks it! Not the same accuracy as competing the game!
Jesus Christ needs oxygen! More winded than a messiah after overtime!
This living legend King Arthur forces a pass into double coverage! Picked off!
Shaquille O'Neal mutters to himself walking back! This guy with rings on every finger fighting inner demons!
Shaquille O'Neal shoots past the media. This living legend not in the mood to talk.
Shaquille O'Neal sits on the bench, staring into nothing. David has his head in his hands. Tonight I learned Shaquille O'Neal used to be a messiah before basketball. Found out during a timeout. Threw me off completely. We're out. Up next: 'Say Yes to the Dress: Budget Three Fifty, Theme: Elastic.' Good luck.
Matchday 12 — vs Cleveland Twin-Towers
87-113 (L)
David sets the tone early! The monarch came to play tonight!
Gol D. Roger, this solid build, wastes a golden chance with a wild half-court heave!
Shaquille O'Neal coughs up the Wilson! Defense that's basically a suggestion strikes again in transition!
Jesus Christ gets posterized! A messiah framed by their bare hands in the worst way!
Shaquille O'Neal, this long boy, dominates from downtown and puts up a bank shot! Unstoppable!
The players disappear into the tunnel. Gol D. Roger asks for an ice pack. Did you know? Gol D. Roger once signed an autograph for a referee. During the game. Mid free-throw. Let's go, we're back. The crowd claps in rhythm.
Gol D. Roger blows past the towel! This potential breakout star showing defense that's basically a suggestion!
David, this smooth operator, bobbles the orange and the chance evaporates at the top of the key!
Gol D. Roger fades away the ball out of the trap! That dawg mentality under pressure!
Shaquille O'Neal crosses over sluggishly! Heavy feet catching up with this absolute legend!
David had the chances but couldn't convert. This hall-of-fame lock left wanting.
Gol D. Roger walks head down toward the tunnel. King Arthur drags his feet behind, shoulders slumped. Behind the scenes, the cameraman told me I was making faces during free throws. I had no idea. Off to bed! Or stay for 'Real Housewives of the DMV.' The line is around the block.
Matchday 13 — vs Boston Ring-Chasers
84-124 (L)
King Arthur takes the court to a sold-out gym on fire! The monarch with the scepter is here!
Jesus Christ, this smooth operator, draws the foul but can't capitalize! Injury-prone body!
David with the careless pass! Decreing the realm's fate with more care, please!
Gol D. Roger, this versatile guy, can't keep up with the speed! Tendency to rush exposed!
King Arthur, this generational talent, with the frustrated foul! Injury-prone body in tough moments!
That's a cut. Jesus Christ stumbles slightly reaching the locker room. Did you know? Jesus Christ launched a basketball podcast. Two episodes. Zero listeners. Still going. The players emerge from the tunnel. Stern faces, clenched fists.
David can't connect! The scepter in hand, sure. The orange through the hoop, nope!
Jesus Christ finds a second wind! The messiah engine roars back to life!
Shaquille O'Neal explodes the damn ball right to the defense! Costly mistake by this generational talent!
This generational talent Shaquille O'Neal slaps the floor in anger! The frustration is palpable!
Jesus Christ consoles teammates! The heart of a messiah in that moment!
Shaquille O'Neal bites the inside of his cheek. Jesus Christ pinches the bridge of his nose. On my end, I ate peanuts through the entire third quarter. Salt is my drug of choice. See you tomorrow. In the meantime, it's 'Who Wants to Marry My Goldfish.' Good luck with that.
Matchday 14 — vs San Antonio Skyscrapers
78-118 (L)
This once-in-a-lifetime player David comes out aggressive! Opens with a catch-and-shoot triple in the paint!
David, this all-time great, fumbles the finish on the low block! Back to the drawing board!
Gol D. Roger throws it away! Tendency to rush under pressure from mid-range!
Shaquille O'Neal reacts too late to rotate! Sometimes predictable game on the help side!
King Arthur slaps the floor in frustration! Slapping harder than a monarch hits the workbench!
That's a wrap for now. Gol D. Roger dives into the tunnel. Small detail: Gol D. Roger whistles the national anthem before every game. Off-key. Consistently off-key. We're back! Flushed cheeks and hungry eyes on the players.
King Arthur, this combo guard, can't finish at half court! That one stings!
Shaquille O'Neal is gassed! This certified GOAT candidate bent over at half court! Defense that's basically a suggestion catching up!
David with the lazy pass! Shaky emotions under pressure leading to easy points!
This raw talent Gol D. Roger fouls hard out of frustration! Sometimes predictable game showing!
This once-in-a-lifetime player Shaquille O'Neal congratulates the opponent. Class in defeat from this once-in-a-lifetime player.
Shaquille O'Neal slams his fist on the bench. King Arthur places his palm flat, as if to calm the surface. My evening in one word? Epic. In two words? Epic and loud. That's it for tonight. Coming up: 'Nailed It: Cakes Ruined by My Mother-in-Law.'
Matchday 15 — vs Oklahoma City Treasure-Chest
75-119 (L)
Shaquille O'Neal launches onto the floor! The crowd roars for this certified GOAT candidate!
Off the mark for King Arthur! Great monarch, not so great at basketball tonight!
This potential breakout star Gol D. Roger with turnover number buckets! Shaky emotions under pressure is piling up!
Gol D. Roger falls asleep on the weak side! Occasional mental lapses exposed!
This guy with rings on every finger Jesus Christ hangs the head after the miss! Deflated at the buzzer!
The players disappear into the tunnel. Shaquille O'Neal asks for an ice pack. Little scoop: Shaquille O'Neal collects Pokemon cards. That Charizard is worth more than his first contract. Come on, second half! The best is yet to come. Or the worst. Who knows.
Jesus Christ can't score in crunch time! This messiah is way off tonight!
King Arthur looks to the bench for relief! Relief like a monarch relieved of the scepter!
Gol D. Roger, this combo guard, commits the travel! Occasional mental lapses in the footwork!
King Arthur drops the head after another miss! Occasional mental lapses sapping the confidence!
This guy with rings on every finger Jesus Christ leaves the palace of hoops with head held high. Fought to the end.
Jesus Christ walks like someone carrying the weight of the world. King Arthur drags one foot after the other. As for me, I powered through three coffees and a gas station sandwich. The glamorous life of sports journalism. See you at the next game! In the meantime: 'Pawn Stars: Selling a Pen Without a Cap.'
My Team finishes #15 (3W-12L). Better luck next season! MVP: Shaquille O'Neal.
Season Journal
Kill the cameras, turn off your phones, and shut your mouths because what we're about to witness tonight only happens once in a generation. We're in the belly of an arena where the floor trembles under the bass, where the Jumbotron spits fire, where 20,000 lunatics are screaming their heads off before the tip-off even happens. The franchise walking onto this court isn't a basketball club, it's a war machine forged in the pain of defeat and the madness of impossible comebacks. Every player here has gladiator blood in his veins and an ego size of Texas. The team with no name, baby!
Alright, let's not kid ourselves, if the arena is packed to the gills, it's because of THE phenomenon. This guy isn't just a basketball player, he's a walking cheat code on the hardwood: give it up for Shaquille O'Neal! Picture this: standing at 216 cm, but he handles the rock with the agility of a 5'10" point guard and launches missiles from 30 feet like he's at shootaround. When he attacks the paint, it's simple, he's a freight train: either you get out of the way, or you end up on his poster doing the rounds on social media for a week straight.
What kills you about this guy is that he makes basketball look easy. You watch him and you think "well yeah, it's simple." And then you realize the defender in front of him is 6'9", runs a 4.4 forty, and he just dropped a step-back in his face like he was dribbling against a traffic cone at practice. It's not ease, it's absolute mastery disguised as nonchalance. And damn, is it beautiful to watch.
Alright, we need to address the elephant in the room. Or rather, the comedy show on the roster. Gol D. Roger is on this team. Gol D. Roger, who is an amateur and doesn't even know what "pick-and-roll" means. The guy shows up with bare hands under his arm, shoes that are clearly not regulation, and the cardio of a weekend smoker. At his first practice, he tried a crossover and twisted his ankle. At his second, he attempted a layup and the ball flew into the stands. But damn it, what this man has is balls of steel and an ability to make an entire arena laugh without even trying. And that, my friends, is worth every max contract in the world.
The budget is like the guy who goes to a restaurant, looks at the menu, orders one entree and splits the dessert. It's not poverty, but it's not the high life either. They've got a decent roster, nobody's complaining, but nobody's saying "damn, what a squad" either. Solid without being spectacular. The kind of team that beats you on a Tuesday and you've forgotten about them by Wednesday morning. But underestimate them and they'll make you pay.
My Team finishes #15 (3W-12L). Better luck next season! MVP: Shaquille O'Neal.
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