My dream starting five — basketball_team 🇺🇸
5 members · TeamBranch
Season Journal
Standings
| # | Team | W | L | Pts |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| 1 | Detroit Engine-Roar | 15 | 0 | 30 |
| 2 | Oklahoma City Treasure-Chest | 13 | 2 | 26 |
| 3 | Cleveland Twin-Towers | 11 | 4 | 22 |
| 4 | San Antonio Skyscrapers | 11 | 4 | 22 |
| 5 | New York Over-Timers | 10 | 5 | 20 |
| 6 | Boston Ring-Chasers | 9 | 6 | 18 |
| 7 | Denver Horse-Track | 9 | 6 | 18 |
| 8 | Toronto Border-Patrol | 8 | 7 | 16 |
| 9 | My Team | 7 | 8 | 14 |
| 10 | Minnesota Ice-Wall | 6 | 9 | 12 |
| 11 | Houston Blast-Off | 6 | 9 | 12 |
| 12 | Miami Heart-Attack | 5 | 10 | 10 |
| 13 | Los Angeles Nursing-Home | 3 | 12 | 6 |
| 14 | Phoenix No-Defense | 3 | 12 | 6 |
| 15 | Philadelphia Injury-Report | 2 | 13 | 4 |
| 16 | Orlando Magic-Beans | 2 | 13 | 4 |
Pre-season
Ladies and gentlemen, good evening and welcome to what is probably going to be the most electric night of this season. The arena is packed to the rafters, there are people standing in the corridors, security gave up trying to control anything, and the DJ is blasting so loud the scoreboard is vibrating. We are here to talk about a legendary franchise. A team that has seen sacred monsters pass through, that has lived through dream seasons and nightmare years, that has rebuilt ten times over and always comes back with the same devouring hunger. The team with no name, baby! Okay, we need to talk about the monster. Because there are players, and then there's Michelle Obama. It's not the same category, it's not even the same damn sport. Standing at 180 cm, with footwork like a ballet dancer and a jumper purer than spring water. The kind of guy who drops 35 in three quarters, sits down on the bench in the fourth because she's bored, and pulls out her phone to check her stats on the Jumbotron. She's not a player, she's a statistical anomaly. The worst part? Her ice-cold composure. The clock shows 0.8 seconds, the whole building is holding its breath, the ball is burning in her hands... And she flashes a little smirk before draining the game-winner with sickening ease. She's the engine, the brain, and the heartbeat of that locker room. If she sneezes, the whole damn franchise catches a cold. Tonight, she's on a mission, and believe me, she didn't show up to mess around. And here it is, ladies and gentlemen, the cherry on top, the plot twist nobody saw coming: the coach recruited Michelle Obama. A lawyer. To play professional basketball. I'll repeat for the people in the back: a lawyer, with their heavy case law, on an NBA hardwood. The girl showed up at her first practice asking where the locker rooms were... And went the wrong way. Twice. But the coach swears on everything holy that Michelle Obama has "something." We don't know what exactly, but she has "something." In the meantime, the girl runs around like a headless chicken, confuses the prosecution's claim with the basketball, and has already racked up three technical fouls for trying to negotiate with the referee. Let's talk budget, and by "budget" I mean the spare change you find between the couch cushions. These guys are so far under the salary floor that the league literally has to GIVE them money to meet the minimum. This is the squad that travels by Greyhound bus and washes their own jerseys. No stars, just hungry rookies on two-way deals and bitter vets signed for the minimum. It's the perfect setup for tanking your way to a top Draft pick, but for the fans, it's a damn desert crossing.
Matchday 1 — vs Detroit Engine-Roar
85-129 (L)
And we're underway! Kamala Harris touches the ball first! This potential GOAT looks eager!
Michelle Obama denied by the basket! Even a lawyer can't pry it open!
Barack Obama throws it into traffic! Reckless pass, the community organizer got too confident!
Barack Obama overcommits! Going all-in like a community organizer on the neighborhood, but wrong!
Donald Trump tugs at their jersey! Frustrated, but the film producer will bounce back!
The players file out. Donald Trump exchanges a tense look with the coach. Fun fact: Donald Trump got rejected at a casting for a deodorant commercial. The irony. Back on the court. The crowd greets them with a standing ovation.
Kamala Harris forces up a thunderous slam over the defense! Injury-prone body! Bad decision!
Joe Biden grabs the jersey for air! Needs more air than their lecture notes in the workshop!
Stolen from Michelle Obama! A lawyer who let it slip through their fingers!
Barack Obama mutters to himself walking back! This global icon fighting inner demons!
Barack Obama walks off in defeat! Even a community organizer's skills couldn't save tonight!
Joe Biden taps the tunnel wall as if trying to pass through it. Michelle Obama walks through the door without pushing it. I got a text from Joe Biden after the game. Just kidding. Nobody texts me. Alright, good evening! Now it's 'Love Is in the Parking Lot.' Romance guaranteed.
Matchday 2 — vs Miami Heart-Attack
120-101 (W)
Joe Biden wins the opening tip! Tipping off with university professor energy!
What a play by Kamala Harris! An and-one from mid-range! This franchise cornerstone is cooking!
This franchise cornerstone Kamala Harris with the screen navigation! Gets through and contests!
Michelle Obama, this all-time great, surveys and delivers! Ridiculous creativity in the playmaking!
Kamala Harris manipulates the defense! Manipulation worthy of their bare hands on the game!
Well-deserved break. Kamala Harris looks like someone who just ran a marathon. Anecdote: Kamala Harris fell asleep on the bench during an exhibition game. Still got named MVP. Jump ball to restart. Let the second half begin!
Michelle Obama, this basketball god, threads the needle for an alley-oop at the top of the key!
Post-game fireworks for Michelle Obama! Brighter than their heavy case law on a perfect day!
Kamala Harris sprints back on defense! This franchise cornerstone leading by example!
The heart of a film producer beats in Donald Trump's chest,the risky picture forged this warrior!
Kamala Harris has the last say! Final word from a geomatics analyst about the game!
Donald Trump does a handstand. Barack Obama holds him by the feet. The crowd holds its breath. I learned backstage that Barack Obama also does lawyer on weekends. That explains those reflexes. That's a wrap! Coming up: 'What Would You Do: People Who Say Hello in the Elevator.' Exposing the truth.
Matchday 3 — vs Orlando Magic-Beans
111-105 (W)
Michelle Obama, this basketball god, wins the opening tip! Great start for the team!
Barack Obama, this all-around player, posts up and delivers a pull-up jumper! Textbook!
This undisputed superstar Barack Obama anchors the defense on the low block! Nothing gets through!
Barack Obama with the behind-the-back pass! Flashier than their bullhorn at work!
Joe Biden adjusts the matchup! Finding the right fit, the university professor approach!
Into the tunnel. Kamala Harris grabs a banana on the way and devours it. Fun fact: Kamala Harris got rejected at a casting for a deodorant commercial. The irony. Break's over, the players take their positions.
Donald Trump lets fly and it's a buzzer beater! This first-ballot legend proving the doubters wrong!
The building is buzzing! Donald Trump and a boiling cauldron creating magic!
Joe Biden brings energy off the bench! This basketball god infectious enthusiasm!
Joe Biden, this solid build, carries the weight of the team on those shoulders!
Barack Obama grabs the game ball! This absolute legend earned it tonight!
Kamala Harris and Joe Biden slap each other's butts. Michelle Obama declines the invitation. On my end, I discovered the arena's coffee machine was broken. The game nearly went uncommentated. Good evening! Coming up: 'Dancing with the Stars: My Cousin's Wedding Edition.' Open bar.
Matchday 4 — vs Philadelphia Injury-Report
102-93 (W)
Barack Obama takes the court to a roaring arena! The community organizer with their bullhorn is here!
Donald Trump hits an off-balance shot! Ridiculous creativity proving to be the difference tonight!
Barack Obama, this solid build, contests everything at the top of the key! Insane court vision on full display!
Michelle Obama leads the break! Leading the charge like a lawyer who runs the show!
This living legend Barack Obama with the savvy veteran play! Next-level basketball IQ experience showing!
Halftime whistle. Michelle Obama has dried blood on her elbow but plays tough. Did you know Michelle Obama plays better when it's raining outside? Even indoors. Go figure. Play resumes. The DJ drops a beat to hype up the crowd.
Kamala Harris with the highlight-reel pull-up jumper! This generational talent owning the moment!
A boiling cauldron reaches fever pitch as Barack Obama takes the palace of hoops!
Michelle Obama finds the open teammate! This first-ballot legend making everyone better!
The arc of this game bends toward Kamala Harris! This once-in-a-lifetime player controlling destiny!
Donald Trump waves goodbye to the court! See you next time, from their loaded checkbook to the rock!
Kamala Harris performs an absolutely ridiculous victory dance. Barack Obama imitates it. It's worse. Your commentator lost his press badge during the game. I had to climb over a barrier. Thanks for being here. Now put down the remote, it's time for 'Wheel of Misfortune.'
Matchday 5 — vs Phoenix No-Defense
99-96 (W)
This all-time great Michelle Obama in the starting lineup! Let's see what this all-time great brings!
Barack Obama steals the ball! Quick hands from rallying the neighborhood all day!
Michelle Obama, this versatile guy, gets stuffed trying an off-balance shot! Denied!
Michelle Obama knocks it down! Solid as a lawyer with their heavy case law in hand!
Donald Trump counters the press! Problem solved, film producer style!
Halftime! Kamala Harris checks her stats on the board and winces. Confession: Kamala Harris tried yoga. Lasted two sessions before declaring it a combat sport. Both teams retake the floor. The best may be yet to come.
Kamala Harris with the clutch assist! Always finds the open man, this geomatics analyst!
Barack Obama with the rejection! Get that out of here! Community organizer says no!
Deafening noise! Joe Biden shoots and the building shakes!
Kamala Harris converts the and-one in traffic! Tough as competing the game in a crowd!
Joe Biden signs off with a euro-step! The university professor's final the young scholars of the night!
Donald Trump makes the phone sign toward the opposing bench. Kamala Harris makes the 'call us' gesture. During the timeout, I tried to do pull-ups on the edge of the broadcast booth. Zero. Thanks for tonight. Up next: 'American Ninja Warrior: No Elevator Edition.' Sixth floor, no landing.
Matchday 6 — vs Los Angeles Nursing-Home
114-87 (W)
Donald Trump dishes onto the floor! The crowd roars for this first-ballot legend!
A buzzer beater from Donald Trump! Another dagger! This living legend closing the door!
Joe Biden boxes out! Making space, that's the university professor work ethic!
Barack Obama dishes a beautiful pass! Special delivery from this community organizer!
Kamala Harris overloads one side! Loading up with geomatics analyst strategy!
The players leave the court. Michelle Obama clings to the tunnel railing. Confession: Michelle Obama calls mom after every loss. And every win. And also on Tuesdays. Tipoff! The ball bounces, the arena vibrates, we're back.
This potential GOAT Joe Biden with a picture-perfect alley-oop! The crowd goes wild!
This hall-of-fame lock Michelle Obama has the arena rocking! A roaring arena off the charts!
Michelle Obama glues the team together! Team-first mentality, pure lawyer instinct!
Donald Trump, this combo guard, is on a mission! Nothing can stop this global icon right now!
Kamala Harris dunks into the tunnel with the W! This generational talent all smiles!
Donald Trump makes a heart with his hands toward the camera. Michelle Obama makes a bigger heart. Kamala Harris makes a massive heart. Yours truly survived this game without losing his voice. It was touch and go. That's all for tonight. And now: 'Deadliest Catch: Rush Hour on the Beltway.' Documentary.
Matchday 7 — vs Toronto Border-Patrol
94-111 (L)
Kamala Harris checks in for the first play! Clocking in for the shift, let's work!
Barack Obama goes to work the basketball into the front rim! That's frustrating for this household name!
Barack Obama gets the ball stripped! The neighborhood would have stayed in a community organizer's grip!
This generational talent Joe Biden picks up the cheap foul! Defense that's basically a suggestion showing!
Kamala Harris, this pint-sized baller, showcases a killer instinct with a gorgeous bank shot!
Halftime whistle. Michelle Obama flops into the first available chair. Anecdote: Michelle Obama once wore her jersey inside out for the entire first quarter. Nobody dared say anything. Both teams return with fresh instructions from the coach.
Donald Trump vents at their teammates! The film producer who vents about the risky picture!
A tear drop from Joe Biden hits the iron! Tendency to force bad shots under the spotlight!
Barack Obama iso at the top! Isolating the matchup with community organizer focus!
This first-ballot legend Joe Biden calls for a sub! Can't go anymore! Lack of consistency taking its toll!
Despite the loss, Kamala Harris held their own with the game! The geomatics analyst fought!
Michelle Obama takes off her shoes and carries them like a ghost. Joe Biden follows the same path. During the break, I tried doing crunches behind the console. My back remembers. Thanks everyone. Up next: 'Survivor: Open-Plan Office.' Whoever makes it through the 5 PM meeting wins.
Matchday 8 — vs Minnesota Ice-Wall
119-102 (W)
Opening possession for Kamala Harris! First touch, like first touch of their bare hands!
Donald Trump scores at will! A two-handed slam on the low block! This global icon domination!
Kamala Harris with the denial defense! This potential GOAT not giving an inch!
Joe Biden threads the needle! Precision of their lecture notes through the young scholars!
Barack Obama uses a triangle offense brilliantly! Strategy from rallying the neighborhood!
The players file out. Joe Biden exchanges a tense look with the coach. They say Joe Biden has a ritual where he touches the basket post three times. If someone watches, starts over. Back at it! The coach said two words. Two words that were enough.
A sky hook from Joe Biden from the left corner! That's a statement right there!
A crowd fully behind them as Kamala Harris nails a fadeaway jumper! The geomatics analyst delivers!
Barack Obama dishes the Wilson into the right hands! This undisputed superstar quarterback!
What a journey for Joe Biden! From the bench to the spotlight! You love to see it!
Michelle Obama, this do-it-all player, celebrates the win! A finger to the lips to hush the crowd! What a game!
Kamala Harris rips off her jersey and launches it into the crowd. Joe Biden does the same. The coach rolls her eyes. On my end, I ate a hot dog so disgusting I'd classify it as a traumatic experience. That's a wrap! And now, the network's masterpiece: 'My Cat, My Battle.' Don't miss the finale.
Matchday 9 — vs Houston Blast-Off
107-103 (W)
Joe Biden fires up the crowd to open the game! This all-time great starting strong!
Michelle Obama covers acres of the court! The endurance of a lawyer on a double shift!
Donald Trump, this guy with rings on every finger, pulls the trigger from the right corner but no luck!
The technical flair of Kamala Harris recalls their geomatics analyst days. A buzzer beater! Sublime!
Michelle Obama directs traffic on the gym! Traffic control by a lawyer with the prosecution's claim!
That's a wrap for now. Donald Trump dives into the tunnel. Bus driver's confession: Donald Trump raps gibberish during road trips. Loudly. Back in action! The coach got the message across.
Donald Trump owns the moment! This is Donald Trump's the risky picture, and they know it!
Donald Trump disrupts the play! Maximum disruption, the film producer is wreaking havoc!
Social media explodes with Kamala Harris's their bare hands highlights! Viral geomatics analyst content!
This absolute legend Barack Obama won't let the team lose! A layup in the third quarter!
Joe Biden caps a perfect night! Clean as a university professor on their best day!
Joe Biden gives his headband to a kid in the crowd. Donald Trump gives his shoes. Barack Obama gives his water bottle. The kid is overwhelmed. I tried to take a selfie with the court in the background. My thumb is over the lens. We're done! And now: 'The Voice: Office Karaoke After Two Beers Edition.'
Matchday 10 — vs Denver Horse-Track
108-112 (L)
Barack Obama starts in the shooting guard! Playing the shooting guard the way a community organizer plays with their bullhorn!
Kamala Harris dunks with the precision of a geomatics analyst at work. And it's an off-balance shot!
Michelle Obama loses the screen battle! Injury-prone body around the picks!
Barack Obama misfires on the floater! Too much float, the community organizer touch abandoned them!
Donald Trump with the steal that changes everything! Their loaded checkbook reflexes!
Break. Joe Biden's socks are soaking wet — quick change on the spot. Confession: Joe Biden tried yoga. Lasted two sessions before declaring it a combat sport. Break's over, time for basketball. Let's go.
Barack Obama misses the wide-open three! Their bullhorn left behind on this one!
Kamala Harris, this little firecracker, shows negative body language! Occasional mental lapses creeping in!
The resilience of Barack Obama! A community organizer who never gives up, on or off the court!
Kamala Harris sends the free throw long! Overcooked it, the geomatics analyst touch is off tonight!
Donald Trump leaves the gymnasium quietly! Quiet as a film producer after the risky picture setback!
Donald Trump and Michelle Obama walk side by side without looking at each other. The silence is deafening. I learned that Donald Trump's father was a lawyer. The apple doesn't fall far from the tree. That's a wrap! Coming up: 'What Would You Do: People Who Say Hello in the Elevator.' Exposing the truth.
Matchday 11 — vs New York Over-Timers
91-120 (L)
Kamala Harris steps onto the gymnasium! From competing the game to this, game time!
Donald Trump, this living legend, fumbles the finish at the top of the key! Back to the drawing board!
Joe Biden loses the Wilson! A university professor would never be this careless!
Barack Obama gives up the easy bucket! Easier than rallying the neighborhood!
Barack Obama knocks down an off-balance shot from way beyond the arc! Ice in the veins!
Break! Michelle Obama takes her jersey off before even reaching the locker room. Anecdote: Michelle Obama once wore her jersey inside out for the entire first quarter. Nobody dared say anything. Back for seconds. The court is shining, and so are the players.
Donald Trump glares at the scoreboard! This global icon not happy with the situation!
Donald Trump misfires facing the rim! Even this once-in-a-lifetime player has off nights!
Kamala Harris reads the defense like a book! Perfect play call from this geomatics analyst!
Joe Biden soldiers on! The soldier who challenges the young scholars with their lecture notes!
Joe Biden walks off in silence. This all-time great gave it all but it wasn't enough.
Kamala Harris sits on the floor in the hallway. Barack Obama sits down next to her. Nobody speaks. During halftime, I tried to interview the mascot. It ignored me. I'll recover eventually. That's a wrap! Coming up: 'What Would You Do: People Who Say Hello in the Elevator.' Exposing the truth.
Matchday 12 — vs Cleveland Twin-Towers
88-111 (L)
Kamala Harris bounces the orange pre-game! Getting that rhythm going!
This guy with rings on every finger Michelle Obama muscles up a half-court heave but can't get it to fall!
Kamala Harris, this low-to-the-ground speedster, commits the travel! Tendency to rush in the footwork!
Barack Obama can't stay in front! Rallying the neighborhood doesn't build lateral quickness!
Barack Obama drains it! Emptying the tank like a community organizer on double shift!
Halftime. Michelle Obama throws her towel on the floor walking in. Did you know? Michelle Obama launched a basketball podcast. Two episodes. Zero listeners. Still going. Come on, second half! The best is yet to come. Or the worst. Who knows.
Michelle Obama can't mask the disappointment! This household name wearing it on the sleeve!
Donald Trump heaves and misses! Should have heaved the risky picture instead!
Donald Trump makes the hockey pass! A gym-rat work ethic finding the extra pass!
Barack Obama labors up the court! Trudging like a community organizer dragging the neighborhood!
Donald Trump sits alone on the bench. This household name processing the defeat.
Donald Trump kicks his towel across the floor. Barack Obama has already left for the locker room, alone. Tonight I yelled so loud the guy in the next booth asked me to keep it down. Mid-game. That's all for tonight! Coming up: 'CSI: Underground Parking Garage.' Riveting stuff.
Matchday 13 — vs Boston Ring-Chasers
102-109 (L)
Joe Biden locks eyes with the opponent! The stare of a university professor who means business!
Kamala Harris throws up a clunker! Their bare hands would weep at that trajectory!
This guy with rings on every finger Donald Trump dribbles off the foot! Unforced error!
Barack Obama gets blown by! Even a community organizer couldn't stop that!
Barack Obama, this tweener, takes over facing the rim. A half-court heave! That's elite!
The locker room fills up. Donald Trump has already eaten three oranges. Word is Donald Trump sleeps with his basketball shoes on. I can't confirm it, but the source is reliable. Resetting the counters for this second half. Well, not really.
Joe Biden throws their hands up! Like a university professor when their lecture notes breaks!
Kamala Harris, this household name, with the shot-clock heave! No good at the buzzer!
Michelle Obama executes an aggressive small-ball lineup perfectly! Precision learned as a lawyer!
This living legend Michelle Obama can't close out! The legs are shot driving to the hoop!
Barack Obama takes the loss hard! Hard as the neighborhood on a bad community organizer day!
Donald Trump replays the score in his head on a loop. Michelle Obama tries to think about something else. I spent the fourth quarter standing. Not by choice. My chair gave out in the third. Good night everyone! Coming up: 'Boot Camp: Supermarket Checkout Line Edition.' Discipline.
Matchday 14 — vs San Antonio Skyscrapers
95-120 (L)
The floor welcomes Barack Obama! The community organizer with the neighborhood has arrived!
Joe Biden with the contested thunderous slam in the paint! No good! Bad selection!
Donald Trump with the errant pass! This potential GOAT needs to settle down!
Barack Obama, this solid build, fouls unnecessarily from mid-range! Sometimes predictable game!
Donald Trump scores off the inbound! That's the preparation of a film producer right there!
Break. Barack Obama collapses next to the vending machine. Anecdote: Barack Obama fell asleep on the bench during an exhibition game. Still got named MVP. Both teams retake the floor. The best may be yet to come.
Kamala Harris slams the orange in frustration! Tendency to rush on full display!
Barack Obama sends it long! Too much power, not enough finesse from this community organizer!
Kamala Harris runs the offense! Running it like a geomatics analyst runs the show!
Joe Biden is gassed! This franchise cornerstone bent over at half court! Sometimes predictable game catching up!
Michelle Obama, this basketball god, takes the loss hard. Limited stamina at the wrong moments.
Barack Obama's lip is trembling. Kamala Harris dodges the cameras by pulling up her hood. Behind the scenes, I learned Kamala Harris was also a lawyer in a past life. You can feel it in the game. Good night! And now, 'The Bachelor: Stray Cat Edition.' Who will find love in this dumpster?
Matchday 15 — vs Oklahoma City Treasure-Chest
78-116 (L)
Kamala Harris, this potential GOAT, draws first blood! An alley-oop to start!
This household name Donald Trump misfires again! Sometimes predictable game could cost the team!
Joe Biden throws it away! Sometimes predictable game under pressure from the right corner!
Donald Trump turns the head and loses the man! This global icon napping defensively!
Barack Obama buries their face! Hidden from view, the community organizer can't watch!
Halftime. The doctor examines Donald Trump's shoulder while the others catch their breath. Anecdote: Donald Trump once wore his jersey inside out for the entire first quarter. Nobody dared say anything. Break's over, the players take their positions.
Off the mark for Kamala Harris! Great geomatics analyst, not so great at basketball tonight!
Barack Obama short-arms the shot from fatigue! This potential GOAT has nothing left!
Barack Obama commits the live-ball turnover! Their bullhorn would be ashamed!
Michelle Obama waves off the play! The authority of a lawyer in that gesture!
This franchise cornerstone Barack Obama tips the hat to the winner. Respect despite the pain.
Joe Biden stands alone at center court as the lights go dim. Donald Trump comes back to get him. Tonight I lost my voice, rediscovered my passion, and forgot where I parked. A complete evening. Thanks for tonight. And now: '60 Minutes: The Secrets of the Office Coffee Machine.'
My Team ends the season #9 with a 7W-8L record. Season MVP: Michelle Obama.
Season Journal
Ladies and gentlemen, good evening and welcome to what is probably going to be the most electric night of this season. The arena is packed to the rafters, there are people standing in the corridors, security gave up trying to control anything, and the DJ is blasting so loud the scoreboard is vibrating. We are here to talk about a legendary franchise. A team that has seen sacred monsters pass through, that has lived through dream seasons and nightmare years, that has rebuilt ten times over and always comes back with the same devouring hunger. The team with no name, baby!
Okay, we need to talk about the monster. Because there are players, and then there's Michelle Obama. It's not the same category, it's not even the same damn sport. Standing at 180 cm, with footwork like a ballet dancer and a jumper purer than spring water. The kind of guy who drops 35 in three quarters, sits down on the bench in the fourth because she's bored, and pulls out her phone to check her stats on the Jumbotron. She's not a player, she's a statistical anomaly.
The worst part? Her ice-cold composure. The clock shows 0.8 seconds, the whole building is holding its breath, the ball is burning in her hands... And she flashes a little smirk before draining the game-winner with sickening ease. She's the engine, the brain, and the heartbeat of that locker room. If she sneezes, the whole damn franchise catches a cold. Tonight, she's on a mission, and believe me, she didn't show up to mess around.
And here it is, ladies and gentlemen, the cherry on top, the plot twist nobody saw coming: the coach recruited Michelle Obama. A lawyer. To play professional basketball. I'll repeat for the people in the back: a lawyer, with their heavy case law, on an NBA hardwood. The girl showed up at her first practice asking where the locker rooms were... And went the wrong way. Twice. But the coach swears on everything holy that Michelle Obama has "something." We don't know what exactly, but she has "something." In the meantime, the girl runs around like a headless chicken, confuses the prosecution's claim with the basketball, and has already racked up three technical fouls for trying to negotiate with the referee.
Let's talk budget, and by "budget" I mean the spare change you find between the couch cushions. These guys are so far under the salary floor that the league literally has to GIVE them money to meet the minimum. This is the squad that travels by Greyhound bus and washes their own jerseys. No stars, just hungry rookies on two-way deals and bitter vets signed for the minimum. It's the perfect setup for tanking your way to a top Draft pick, but for the fans, it's a damn desert crossing.
My Team ends the season #9 with a 7W-8L record. Season MVP: Michelle Obama.
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