Meu cinco inicial dos sonhos — basketball_team 🇧🇷
5 membros · TeamBranch
Diário da temporada
Classificação
| # | Team | V | D | Pts |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| 1 | Cleveland Twin-Towers | 14 | 1 | 28 |
| 2 | Detroit Engine-Roar | 13 | 2 | 26 |
| 3 | Oklahoma City Treasure-Chest | 12 | 3 | 24 |
| 4 | San Antonio Skyscrapers | 12 | 3 | 24 |
| 5 | Boston Ring-Chasers | 11 | 4 | 22 |
| 6 | My Team | 10 | 5 | 20 |
| 7 | New York Over-Timers | 8 | 7 | 16 |
| 8 | Denver Horse-Track | 8 | 7 | 16 |
| 9 | Minnesota Ice-Wall | 6 | 9 | 12 |
| 10 | Houston Blast-Off | 5 | 10 | 10 |
| 11 | Toronto Border-Patrol | 5 | 10 | 10 |
| 12 | Phoenix No-Defense | 5 | 10 | 10 |
| 13 | Los Angeles Nursing-Home | 4 | 11 | 8 |
| 14 | Orlando Magic-Beans | 3 | 12 | 6 |
| 15 | Miami Heart-Attack | 2 | 13 | 4 |
| 16 | Philadelphia Injury-Report | 2 | 13 | 4 |
Pré-temporada
Good evening everyone and fasten your seatbelts because tonight we are not doing this gently. The arena is already sweating, the DJ cranked the volume so high the hardwood is vibrating, and there's a guy in the third row who painted his chest in the team colors even though it's freezing outside. That's devotion. That's basketball madness. And the franchise rolling in tonight deserves every decibel of this insane atmosphere. They've been through the hell of winless stretches and the ecstasy of Finals appearances, and honestly, nobody ever knows what they're going to pull off. That's what makes this sport so damn beautiful. The team with no name, baby! Okay, we need to talk about the monster. Because there are players, and then there's Jayson Tatum. It's not the same category, it's not even the same damn sport. Standing at 203 cm, with footwork like a ballet dancer and a jumper purer than spring water. The kind of guy who drops 35 in three quarters, sits down on the bench in the fourth because he's bored, and pulls out his phone to check his stats on the Jumbotron. He's not a player, he's a statistical anomaly. The opposing locker room before the game, you know what they talk about? Not the game plan. Not the offensive scheme. No. They talk about HIM. "How do we stop him?" "Who takes the matchup?" "Does he look tired?" Spoiler: he's never tired. And even when he looks tired, it's a trap. The man fakes exhaustion in the third quarter and drops 14 in the fourth like a coiled spring being released. Opposing coaches have 50-page scouting reports on him, and every single page is absolutely useless. Hold on tight because the next name is going to make you spit out your beer: Jesus. Profession? Messias. Yeah. The coach saw him on TV, called his agent (who didn't exist), and offered him a ten-day contract "to see." The guy showed up with bare hands, a ham sandwich, and bulletproof enthusiasm. At his first practice, he attempted a dunk and ended up hanging from the net like a cat stuck in a tree. The fire department came. Twice. But he's got heart, the man, and apparently the precision he puts into the game could translate to mid-range shooting. We believe. Well, the coach believes. The rest of us broke out the popcorn. Financially, this team is operating in another dimension. The salary cap? Never heard of it. The luxury tax? Paid with a smile. The owner sold two of his yachts to fund this roster and he'd do it again tomorrow morning. Every player on this bench earns more in a week than most people do in a year, and not a single one of them is here to ride the pine. This is a team built to win NOW. Not tomorrow, not next season. Tonight.
Jornada 1 — vs Detroit Engine-Roar
80-113 (D)
Cristiano Ronaldo, this do-it-all player, is introduced and the arena explodes! This guy with rings on every finger is in the building!
Paul George shoots but overcooks it! Tendency to force bad shots showing up again!
Stolen from Cristiano Ronaldo! A futebolista who let it slip through their fingers!
Jayson Tatum, this absolute unit, fouls unnecessarily facing the rim! Limited stamina!
Stephen Curry posts up the towel! This max-contract guy showing ego the size of Texas!
Halftime! Paul George has the hardwood pattern imprinted on his elbow. Rumor has it Paul George has been wearing the same lucky underwear for three seasons. The medical staff is concerned. Back at it! The players jog toward center court.
Jesus can't convert! The messias's touch with the game deserted them!
Cristiano Ronaldo bends over, hands on knees! Exhausted like a futebolista after the suas chuteiras overtime!
Stephen Curry coughs up the pill! Limited stamina strikes again driving to the hoop!
Jesus throws their hands up! Like a messias when their bare hands breaks!
Cristiano Ronaldo vows to come back stronger! Stronger than the suas chuteiras reinforced with the o golo vencedor!
Jayson Tatum kicks his towel across the floor. Cristiano Ronaldo has already left for the locker room, alone. I drank so much coffee tonight I'm going to commentate in my sleep. Thanks! And now, 'Neighbors from Hell: The Community Compost Bin Saga.' Episode 1 of 74.
Jornada 2 — vs Miami Heart-Attack
98-94 (V)
This player making noise Paul George catches the damn ball early and goes to work! Opening salvo!
Stephen Curry, this swiss-army-knife type, recovers and contests! Never-give-up effort fueled by that dawg mentality!
A layup from Jayson Tatum catches the back rim and pops out! So close!
Jesus penetrates the basketball beautifully for a hook shot! What touch!
Cristiano Ronaldo drives the ball out of the trap! Freakish explosiveness under pressure!
Cut! Halftime. Jayson Tatum's jersey is completely drenched in sweat. Did you know Jayson Tatum once tried to start an ASMR podcast of sneaker squeaks on the hardwood? One episode. Deleted. Here they come. You can read the determination on their faces.
This next-level player Jayson Tatum converts the and-one in the dying seconds! Three-point play!
Cristiano Ronaldo locks down their opponent! Tight as a futebolista gripping the suas chuteiras!
Paul George dunks to an eruption! A cathedral silence! What a moment!
Jesus nails a scoop layup with the shot clock winding down! Clutch!
That's the game! Paul George finishes with a monster performance! This respected competitor victorious!
Cristiano Ronaldo grabs the PA announcer's mic and shouts Jesus's name. The announcer chases him. Tonight I nearly had a heart attack at least four times. And I'm just the commentator. See you soon. Coming up: 'Extreme Couponing: Family of Eight at Walmart.' Double episode.
Jornada 3 — vs Orlando Magic-Beans
110-91 (V)
The game begins and Jayson Tatum is ready! You can see that dawg mentality written all over his face!
Stephen Curry knocks down a catch-and-shoot triple from way beyond the arc! Ice in the veins!
Cristiano Ronaldo, this first-ballot legend, shuts down the play driving to the hoop! Lockdown defender!
This guy with rings on every finger Cristiano Ronaldo creates for others! Unselfish play with unreal swagger!
Stephen Curry, this big-name player, manipulates the defense with the eyes! Freakish explosiveness!
Off to the locker room. Cristiano Ronaldo has already drained two water bottles. Word is Cristiano Ronaldo sleeps with his basketball shoes on. I can't confirm it, but the source is reliable. Play resumes! The coach set a few things straight in the locker room.
Paul George, this beanpole, dominates at the buzzer and puts up a scoop layup! Unstoppable!
Deafening noise! Paul George lets fly and the building shakes!
Jesus takes the charge for the team! Heart of a messias, sacrifice of a warrior!
Cristiano Ronaldo, this absolute legend, answers every challenge! Iron discipline never fading!
Paul George, this absolute unit, salutes the faithful! A slide across the hardwood! What a night!
Cristiano Ronaldo charges toward the crowd. Jesus catches him just before he dives into the stands. While you were watching the game, I was desperately searching for my pen. Still haven't found it. We're signing off. And now: 'Musical Chairs: Subway Seat Edition.' Winner takes all.
Jornada 4 — vs Philadelphia Injury-Report
134-89 (V)
Jesus bounces the damn ball pre-game! Getting that rhythm going!
A sky hook from Jesus! This once-in-a-lifetime player is putting on a show tonight!
Jesus with the kick-out pass! Kicking the offense into gear, messias style!
Cristiano Ronaldo scores again! When you're a futebolista by trade, the Spalding is child's play!
Jayson Tatum, this mountain of a man, swats it into the third row! A crucial offensive board!
Halftime! Jayson Tatum is limping slightly heading off the court. Exclusive: Jayson Tatum was caught reading a philosophy book on the bench. It was Nietzsche. Back on the court. The crowd greets them with a standing ovation.
Cristiano Ronaldo hooks it in! The arc of a futebolista swinging the suas chuteiras!
Paul George piles it on! A free throw extends the lead! No mercy tonight!
Jesus tried to invoice the other team for that foul! Classic messias move!
Paul George attacks and pounds the chest! A chest bump! Warrior mentality!
Jesus with the game ball! Earned it the hard way, messias style!
Jesus and Jayson Tatum play rock-paper-scissors to decide who carries the ball. Jesus loses. On my end, I ate a hot dog so disgusting I'd classify it as a traumatic experience. We're out! And now, 'House Hunters: Broom Closet Edition.' Cozy open concept.
Jornada 5 — vs Phoenix No-Defense
121-88 (V)
Jesus opens with a half-court heave! This franchise cornerstone making an early statement!
Paul George buries a pull-up jumper in the paint! This next-level player is on fire tonight!
Paul George, this mountain of a man, hits the cutter perfectly! An off-the-charts basketball IQ right on time!
Jesus, this franchise cornerstone, threads the needle for a catch-and-shoot triple facing the rim!
Cristiano Ronaldo anchors the defense! Solid as a futebolista's foundation!
Break. Cristiano Ronaldo collapses on the locker room floor, arms spread wide. Anecdote of the day: Cristiano Ronaldo forgot his shorts on the last road trip. Played in borrowed shorts two sizes too big. Back in action! The coach got the message across.
A half-court heave from Jayson Tatum! This player making noise reminding everyone why they're on top!
This established player Jayson Tatum shows no sympathy! A bucket extends the massacre!
Cristiano Ronaldo, this solid build, steps on the teammate's foot! Down goes this hall-of-fame lock!
Stephen Curry taps the logo on the jersey! A salute to the fans! That's pride right there!
It's over! Stephen Curry delivers the goods! This world-class player walks off a winner!
Stephen Curry climbs onto the scorer's table. Jesus joins him. Security is unsure whether to intervene. Confession: I nearly fell asleep during the second quarter. The third woke me right up. Until next time! Up next: 'Life Unplugged: A Day Without WiFi.' A shocking documentary.
Jornada 6 — vs Los Angeles Nursing-Home
101-97 (V)
Paul George fires up the crowd to open the game! This legit talent starting strong!
Stephen Curry sprints to close out! A monster swat back to the basket! Great effort!
Paul George with the off-balance pull-up jumper! This player on the come-up couldn't set the feet!
This top-tier talent Stephen Curry is automatic at the top of the key! A pull-up jumper drops again!
Jesus iso at the top! Isolating the matchup with messias focus!
Break! Jesus has left a puddle of sweat at every step through the tunnel. Word is Jesus sleeps with his basketball shoes on. I can't confirm it, but the source is reliable. Break's over, time for basketball. Let's go.
Cristiano Ronaldo with the game-winner! The winning touch of the suas chuteiras on the o golo vencedor!
This undisputed superstar Cristiano Ronaldo reads the play and intercepts! Brilliant anticipation!
The energy in this building is unreal! Cristiano Ronaldo channeling a boiling cauldron!
Cristiano Ronaldo with the late steal and score! This basketball god taking matters into own hands!
This legit talent Paul George secures the win with natural-born leadership! Another one in the bag!
Jesus improvises an Oscar acceptance speech. Stephen Curry plays the imaginary violin. Tonight my voice traveled three octaves. Baritone to soprano. Basketball does that to you. That's it. Up next: 'Anthony Bourdain Visits: The Park-and-Ride in Poughkeepsie.' Culture shock.
Jornada 7 — vs Toronto Border-Patrol
112-105 (V)
Tip-off! Jayson Tatum gets us started! Let's go!
A double-clutch layup from Jayson Tatum! That's freakish explosiveness at the highest level!
This reliable star Stephen Curry with the weak-side iron-wall defense! Incredible help!
Jayson Tatum with the lob pass in transition! This name that's buzzing to the teammate! Boom!
Cristiano Ronaldo pushes the pace in transition! Pure God-given talent showing in every play!
Buzzer sounds, halftime! Jesus walks head down toward the tunnel. Anecdote: Jesus once wore his jersey inside out for the entire first quarter. Nobody dared say anything. Here we go again. The players have changed jerseys.
A fadeaway jumper by Stephen Curry! The crowd erupts! Freakish explosiveness personified!
The crowd is on its feet! A roaring arena as Paul George takes the court!
This up-and-coming baller Jayson Tatum swings the Wilson around! Natural-born leadership ball movement!
Paul George, this towering presence, is on a mission! Nothing can stop this solid pro right now!
Cristiano Ronaldo, this hall-of-fame lock, soaks in the moment! Victory at half court! An ice-cold stare at the opposing bench!
Jayson Tatum runs the full court high-fiving everyone. Jesus follows doing the wave alone. During the timeout, I tried to do pull-ups on the edge of the broadcast booth. Zero. That's a wrap! Coming up: 'American Idol: Accountant Edition.' Singing, dancing, and spreadsheets.
Jornada 8 — vs Minnesota Ice-Wall
112-107 (V)
This established player Paul George opens the scoring! A bucket! Early advantage!
Jayson Tatum, this 7-footer, contests everything off the pick and roll! A killer instinct on full display!
This legit talent Jayson Tatum misses the mark! A reverse layup goes begging in the paint!
Jayson Tatum converts from the left corner! A bucket with trademark ridiculous creativity!
This headliner Stephen Curry runs the pick-and-pop to perfection! Tactical mastery!
Break. Jayson Tatum collapses on the locker room floor, arms spread wide. Fun fact: Jayson Tatum tried to patent a celebration after a three-pointer. The application was rejected. Come on, second half! The best is yet to come. Or the worst. Who knows.
Jesus with the heads-up play! Alert as a messias watching the game!
Jesus denies the pass! Their bare hands interception skills on full display!
The arena is electric! This seasoned vet Paul George thriving in a hostile crowd!
Jesus sinks it when it counts! Money time for this messias!
This global icon Jesus walks off to a standing ovation! Wild stands! Incredible!
Jesus, Jayson Tatum, and Cristiano Ronaldo pose for a group photo at center court. Nobody has a phone. On my end, I ate peanuts through the entire third quarter. Salt is my drug of choice. That was beautiful. And now: 'House Hunters International: 90-Square-Foot Studio, Wall View.' A steal.
Jornada 9 — vs Houston Blast-Off
108-104 (V)
Paul George takes the floor with that look in his eyes! He came to play tonight!
Jesus, this smooth operator, blankets the shooter along the baseline! No daylight!
Jesus shoots short! Not enough juice! Even a messias would cringe!
Stephen Curry scores with eyes in the back of the head. A free throw on the low block! Too smooth!
Jayson Tatum reads the defense perfectly! Iron discipline and a sky-high basketball IQ!
Players head to the locker room. Jayson Tatum has tape on three fingers. Intel: Jayson Tatum asked Houston Blast-Off for their energy drink recipe. They refused. The tunnel spits the players out. The war resumes.
Jayson Tatum with the go-ahead floater! This seasoned vet seizes the moment!
This dude putting the league on notice Paul George forces the air ball with pressure! Suffocating!
This max-contract guy Stephen Curry has the arena rocking! A packed arena off the charts!
This guy with a proven track record Paul George with the heroic sky-high block! Preserves the lead!
Jesus finishes with a monster stat line! Numbers a messias would be proud of!
Paul George and Stephen Curry share a 30-second hug. Jesus wants in. Gets pushed away. My wife texted me: 'when are you coming home?' I said 'after the game.' That was two hours ago. Thanks for watching this game. And now: 'Deal or No Deal: Office Fridge Edition.'
Jornada 10 — vs Denver Horse-Track
89-116 (D)
Cristiano Ronaldo locks eyes with the opponent! The stare of a futebolista who means business!
Stephen Curry, this smooth operator, gets stuffed trying a catch-and-shoot triple! Denied!
Jayson Tatum, this long boy, telegraphs the pass! Intercepted from the right corner!
This reliable star Stephen Curry can't recover! Scored on at the buzzer! Heavy feet!
A hook shot from downtown by Stephen Curry! This swiss-army-knife type with the long range!
The players leave the court. Stephen Curry clings to the tunnel railing. Did you know? Stephen Curry once signed an autograph for a referee. During the game. Mid free-throw. There they are. The coach must have found the right words.
Jayson Tatum gets a technical for complaining! Tendency to rush on full display!
This dude putting the league on notice Jayson Tatum with a rare miss at the top of the key! Even the best stumble!
Paul George dunks to the right spot! Silky smooth technique off-ball movement!
This world-class player Stephen Curry signals to the bench! Needs a blow! Ego the size of Texas!
Cristiano Ronaldo walks off in defeat! Even a futebolista's skills couldn't save tonight!
Paul George walks toward the tunnel without a word. Jayson Tatum stares at the scoreboard as if it might change. My evening? A microphone, cold coffee, and the greatest show on earth. What more could you ask for. And now, a brand new episode of 'Desperately Seeking My Cat.' Good night, everyone.
Jornada 11 — vs New York Over-Timers
97-95 (V)
Paul George, this absolute unit, announced to huge cheers! A hostile crowd!
Stephen Curry a double team with authority! This do-it-all player protecting the paint!
Jesus, this do-it-all player, draws the foul but can't capitalize! Ego the size of Texas!
Jayson Tatum with the highlight-reel euro-step! This legit talent owning the moment!
This player on the come-up Jayson Tatum switches defensive assignments on the fly! Pure God-given talent!
Into the tunnel. Stephen Curry grabs a banana on the way and devours it. Quick anecdote about Stephen Curry: apparently he eats pasta with ketchup before every game. To each their own ritual. The hardwood awaits. Here we go for the second half.
Stephen Curry, this reliable star, draws the foul in late in the quarter! Free throws coming!
Stephen Curry, this tweener, alters the shot! Pure God-given talent at the rim!
The halftime tribute to Cristiano Ronaldo's futebolista journey! The o golo vencedor to a fadeaway jumper!
This franchise cornerstone Cristiano Ronaldo with the monster brilliant anticipation on a strategic timeout! Saved the game!
Jayson Tatum can breathe! The win is secured, it's over!
Jesus takes a bow for the crowd. Stephen Curry bows to Jesus. The nobility of basketball. On my end, the AC in the booth broke down. I sweated more than Stephen Curry. We're done! And now: 'The Voice: Office Karaoke After Two Beers Edition.'
Jornada 12 — vs Cleveland Twin-Towers
100-101 (D)
Cristiano Ronaldo starts in the center! Playing the center way a futebolista plays with the suas chuteiras!
Jesus nails a catch-and-shoot triple with the ease of a messias who competes the game. Natural!
Jayson Tatum, this 7-footer, can't keep up with the speed! Hot head exposed!
Cristiano Ronaldo misses the bunny! A futebolista dropping the o golo vencedor from point-blank!
Paul George sparks the comeback! A scoop layup from way beyond the arc! This established player leads the charge!
Buzzer sounds, halftime! Stephen Curry walks head down toward the tunnel. Juicy intel: Stephen Curry turned down an endorsement deal because he'd have to wear a mascot costume. The players jog toward the court. The air is electric.
Jesus called for the travel at the buzzer! Walking away from the game shame!
Jayson Tatum, this long boy, throws the hands up! Exasperated from the left corner!
Tears in the crowd as Jesus, the humble messias, delivers on the decisive possession!
This basketball god Cristiano Ronaldo with the clutch-time breakdown! Lack of consistency on full display!
This player on the come-up Jayson Tatum shakes hands and moves on. In the end, shaky emotions under pressure proved costly.
Stephen Curry lets out a big exhale walking through the door. Jesus holds his in. While you were watching the game, I was desperately searching for my pen. Still haven't found it. Until next time! Up next: 'Life Unplugged: A Day Without WiFi.' A shocking documentary.
Jornada 13 — vs Boston Ring-Chasers
118-106 (V)
This once-in-a-lifetime player Cristiano Ronaldo comes out firing! A fadeaway jumper in the first minute!
This name that's buzzing Jayson Tatum converts under the basket! A two-handed slam right on cue!
Cristiano Ronaldo with a textbook defensive stance! That's how you do it!
Stephen Curry picks apart the defense! Assist leads to a step-back three!
Jayson Tatum sets the screen at the perfect angle! This legit talent cerebral play!
Halftime. Paul George's hair is completely soaked, like climbing out of a pool. Confession: Paul George calls mom after every loss. And every win. And also on Tuesdays. Both teams return. You can tell the coach gave them an earful.
This player on the come-up Paul George with a vintage deep three! The old magic is still there!
Kids in the stands mimic Jesus's competing celebration! Adorable!
This All-Star caliber talent Stephen Curry celebrates the teammate's score! It's about the team!
Stephen Curry, this bonafide star, is playing with nothing to lose! Watch out, this bonafide star is dangerous!
Jayson Tatum, this legit talent, high-fives the bench! A slide across the hardwood! Team effort!
Jayson Tatum and Stephen Curry form a tunnel for Paul George to crawl through. Too tall. Gets stuck. I tried taking notes during the game. My notebook is full of incomprehensible scribbles. Good night everyone! Coming up: 'Boot Camp: Supermarket Checkout Line Edition.' Discipline.
Jornada 14 — vs San Antonio Skyscrapers
81-112 (D)
Jesus takes the court to immense pressure! The messias with their bare hands is here!
Jayson Tatum forces an and-one along the baseline! This established player trying too hard!
Stephen Curry rises up carelessly and gets stripped! Another giveaway!
Jesus gets crossed over! This certified GOAT candidate left frozen from the left corner!
Cristiano Ronaldo waves off the play! The authority of a futebolista in that gesture!
Into the tunnel. Paul George grabs a banana on the way and devours it. Anecdote: Paul George lost a bet and had to wear the center's shoes during warm-ups. Size 16. The locker room empties, the court fills up. Act 2.
Paul George fades away the Spalding but it won't fall! Cold streak continues!
This seasoned vet Jayson Tatum can barely jump! The springs are gone along the baseline!
This dude putting the league on notice Jayson Tatum commits the offensive foul! Turnover driving to the hoop!
Jayson Tatum mouths off and picks up a T! Shaky emotions under pressure taking over!
Jesus, this household name, takes the loss hard. Heavy feet at the wrong moments.
Jayson Tatum sits down on the hardwood, head on his knees. Paul George puts a hand on his shoulder without saying a word. My chair squeaked the entire game. Everyone thinks it was me. It was not me. Alright, good night! Up next: 'Secret Life of Your Mailman.' Episode 47.
Jornada 15 — vs Oklahoma City Treasure-Chest
85-109 (D)
Stephen Curry, this solid build, sets the tone immediately! Night-in night-out consistency from the jump!
Paul George gets a clean look but limited stamina costs the bucket!
Paul George lets fly the pill right to the defense! Costly mistake by this respected competitor!
Stephen Curry, this smooth operator, gets dunked on from the left corner! Poster material!
Cristiano Ronaldo with the reverse layup! Creative as a futebolista with the o golo vencedor!
Halftime whistle. Stephen Curry spits into the trash can walking into the locker room. Exclusive: Stephen Curry was caught reading a philosophy book on the bench. It was Nietzsche. The hardwood awaits. Here we go for the second half.
Jesus storms to the bench! This basketball god is visibly upset!
A free throw from Cristiano Ronaldo hits the iron! Sometimes predictable game under the spotlight!
This solid pro Paul George calls the audible! Changed the play and it works!
Stephen Curry grabs the shorts! This established star is running on fumes!
Jesus wipes a tear! A messias who poured everything into the effort!
Stephen Curry whispers 'this can't be real' under his breath. Paul George nods without conviction. My wife texted me: 'when are you coming home?' I said 'after the game.' That was two hours ago. That's a wrap! Coming up: 'American Idol: Accountant Edition.' Singing, dancing, and spreadsheets.
My Team ends the season #6 with a 10W-5L record. Season MVP: Jayson Tatum.
Diário da temporada
Good evening everyone and fasten your seatbelts because tonight we are not doing this gently. The arena is already sweating, the DJ cranked the volume so high the hardwood is vibrating, and there's a guy in the third row who painted his chest in the team colors even though it's freezing outside. That's devotion. That's basketball madness. And the franchise rolling in tonight deserves every decibel of this insane atmosphere. They've been through the hell of winless stretches and the ecstasy of Finals appearances, and honestly, nobody ever knows what they're going to pull off. That's what makes this sport so damn beautiful. The team with no name, baby!
Okay, we need to talk about the monster. Because there are players, and then there's Jayson Tatum. It's not the same category, it's not even the same damn sport. Standing at 203 cm, with footwork like a ballet dancer and a jumper purer than spring water. The kind of guy who drops 35 in three quarters, sits down on the bench in the fourth because he's bored, and pulls out his phone to check his stats on the Jumbotron. He's not a player, he's a statistical anomaly.
The opposing locker room before the game, you know what they talk about? Not the game plan. Not the offensive scheme. No. They talk about HIM. "How do we stop him?" "Who takes the matchup?" "Does he look tired?" Spoiler: he's never tired. And even when he looks tired, it's a trap. The man fakes exhaustion in the third quarter and drops 14 in the fourth like a coiled spring being released. Opposing coaches have 50-page scouting reports on him, and every single page is absolutely useless.
Hold on tight because the next name is going to make you spit out your beer: Jesus. Profession? Messias. Yeah. The coach saw him on TV, called his agent (who didn't exist), and offered him a ten-day contract "to see." The guy showed up with bare hands, a ham sandwich, and bulletproof enthusiasm. At his first practice, he attempted a dunk and ended up hanging from the net like a cat stuck in a tree. The fire department came. Twice. But he's got heart, the man, and apparently the precision he puts into the game could translate to mid-range shooting. We believe. Well, the coach believes. The rest of us broke out the popcorn.
Financially, this team is operating in another dimension. The salary cap? Never heard of it. The luxury tax? Paid with a smile. The owner sold two of his yachts to fund this roster and he'd do it again tomorrow morning. Every player on this bench earns more in a week than most people do in a year, and not a single one of them is here to ride the pine. This is a team built to win NOW. Not tomorrow, not next season. Tonight.
My Team ends the season #6 with a 10W-5L record. Season MVP: Jayson Tatum.
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