My dream starting five — basketball_team 🇺🇸
5 members · TeamBranch
Season Journal
Standings
| # | Team | W | L | Pts |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| 1 | Detroit Engine-Roar | 14 | 1 | 28 |
| 2 | San Antonio Skyscrapers | 12 | 3 | 24 |
| 3 | Oklahoma City Treasure-Chest | 12 | 3 | 24 |
| 4 | Boston Ring-Chasers | 11 | 4 | 22 |
| 5 | Cleveland Twin-Towers | 11 | 4 | 22 |
| 6 | New York Over-Timers | 9 | 6 | 18 |
| 7 | Minnesota Ice-Wall | 8 | 7 | 16 |
| 8 | Houston Blast-Off | 7 | 8 | 14 |
| 9 | Phoenix No-Defense | 7 | 8 | 14 |
| 10 | Toronto Border-Patrol | 7 | 8 | 14 |
| 11 | Philadelphia Injury-Report | 6 | 9 | 12 |
| 12 | Los Angeles Nursing-Home | 5 | 10 | 10 |
| 13 | Denver Horse-Track | 4 | 11 | 8 |
| 14 | Orlando Magic-Beans | 4 | 11 | 8 |
| 15 | Miami Heart-Attack | 3 | 12 | 6 |
| 16 | My Team | 0 | 15 | 0 |
Pre-season
Buckle up, pull your visor down, and clench everything you've got because tonight we are NOT talking about some pickup game at the park. Hell no. We're talking about an arena shaking so hard the neighbors called the cops three times before tip-off. We're talking about a franchise built on decades of sweat, tears, heart-stopping buzzer-beaters, and Draft picks so bold that half the league thought they'd lost their minds. And yet, here they are, back and hungrier than ever. The team with no name, baby! Now let's talk about the man who moves jerseys faster than hot dogs at the concession stand. Barry Allen. Just the name sends chills through the building. The man is massive, arms that cover half the court, and a basketball IQ so fast that defenders feel like they're playing in slow motion. This man doesn't walk, he glides. He doesn't jump, he launches into orbit. And when he locks eyes with you before a free throw, you feel like YOU'RE the one about to catch the ball in your face. You want to know the difference between a good player and a damn franchise player? It's the fourth quarter. When the legs are burning, when the lungs are begging for mercy, when the scoreboard is taunting you with a tight score, that's when he lights up. Like a diesel engine finally hitting its temperature. The first three quarters are the warm-up. The fourth quarter is his hunting ground. And the prey? It's the teams that thought they had a chance. Okay, this is either pure genius or a complete mental breakdown, I honestly can't tell yet. The wild card, the stroke of brilliance or insanity depending on how many beers you've had, is that the coach decided to pull a move never before seen in league history: he signed The BFG, his brother-in-law and an amateur by trade, on a ten-day contract. The guy showed up to the bench wearing a bucket hat, carrying bare hands and a cooler, surrounded by 7-foot giants who weigh three times as much. Apparently the coach's theory is that if The BFG can place a basketball with the same precision he uses for the game to "bullseye" the opposing center's head, we've got the play of the century. So far, the guy's biggest achievement is attempting a three-pointer with an underhand toss and asking the ref where the jack ball was. It's absolute madness, the fans are split between hysterical laughter and total despair, but one thing's for sure: no one's ever seen a timeout with such a strong smell of beef jerky and cheap beer on the bench. Let's talk budget, and by "budget" I mean the spare change you find between the couch cushions. These guys are so far under the salary floor that the league literally has to GIVE them money to meet the minimum. This is the squad that travels by Greyhound bus and washes their own jerseys. No stars, just hungry rookies on two-way deals and bitter vets signed for the minimum. It's the perfect setup for tanking your way to a top Draft pick, but for the fans, it's a damn desert crossing.
Matchday 1 — vs Detroit Engine-Roar
86-131 (L)
Barry Allen gets the starting nod! A superhero starting with their bare hands confidence!
Barry Allen explodes the basketball but it won't fall! Cold streak continues!
Hawkeye, this versatile guy, commits the travel! Hot head in the footwork!
This newcomer The BFG picks up the cheap foul! Hot head showing!
Hulk vents at their teammates! The scientist who vents about the hidden truth!
Halftime whistle! The BFG grabs a towel and collapses on the bench. Fun fact: The BFG failed the driving test three times. On the court it's a different story, thankfully. Back on the court. The coach changed the starting five, that'll be a surprise.
The BFG, this all-around player, can't finish along the baseline! That one stings!
Albus Dumbledore is cramping up! This all-time great trying to shake it off! Hot head!
This hooper's hooper Hawkeye commits the 5-second violation! Clock management injury-prone body!
Hulk mouths off on a strategic timeout! A scientist venting about the hidden truth!
Hawkeye sits alone on the bench. This respected competitor processing the defeat.
Barry Allen has bags under his eyes that weren't there before the game. Albus Dumbledore has aged ten years in forty minutes. Tonight I had a revelation: Albus Dumbledore runs exactly like my neighbor when he misses the bus. We're wrapping up the mics. Up next: 'Chopped: Tupperware Lunch at the Office Edition.'
Matchday 2 — vs Miami Heart-Attack
86-107 (L)
Barry Allen, this smooth operator, takes the court! The immense pressure is electric!
Brick! The BFG misfires in transition! Injury-prone body at the worst time!
Albus Dumbledore loses possession! The bustling campus never leaves a headmaster in france's hands like that!
Barry Allen gets screened out of the play! This guy with a proven track record lost in traffic!
The BFG with the tough devastating dunk through contact! This player nobody saw coming won't be denied!
Cut! Halftime. Albus Dumbledore's jersey is completely drenched in sweat. Fun fact: Albus Dumbledore blocked a shot in the finals... And dislocated a thumb celebrating. Classic. Both teams emerge from the tunnel. The second half can begin.
Albus Dumbledore drops their shoulders! Deflated, even a headmaster in france's spirit has limits!
Barry Allen crosses over but the shot rims out! Lack of consistency rears its ugly head!
Hawkeye, this versatile guy, sets a brick-wall screen! Unreal swagger on full display!
Albus Dumbledore is running on fumes! The headmaster in france tank is completely empty!
The BFG walks off in silence. This potential breakout star gave it all but it wasn't enough.
The BFG refuses Miami Heart-Attack's handshake. Hulk offers a limp one with just his fingertips. My evening in one word? Epic. In two words? Epic and loud. Off to bed! And now: 'Jeopardy: Cafeteria Trivia Edition.'
Matchday 3 — vs Orlando Magic-Beans
90-135 (L)
Hulk wins the opening tip! Tipping off with scientist energy!
The BFG, this tweener, double-clutches and misses! Indecision from this dude out of nowhere!
This hungry young player The BFG gets pickpocketed at the buzzer! Sloppy handling!
This potential breakout star The BFG caught ball-watching! Backdoor cut for an easy score!
This player making noise Barry Allen stares at the ref! That look could freeze water!
Break. Albus Dumbledore's socks are soaking wet — quick change on the spot. Did you know Albus Dumbledore started basketball because he was terrible at soccer? Sometimes failure leads to greatness. Both teams emerge from the tunnel. The second half can begin.
Barry Allen shoots an air ball in an electric crowd! A superhero lost in the noise!
The BFG is gassed! This hidden prospect bent over at half court! Sometimes predictable game catching up!
Hawkeye throws it into the stands! What was that from this guy with a proven track record!
The BFG dunks angrily after the turnover! This diamond in the rough spiraling!
This respected competitor Hawkeye leaves the gym with head held high. Fought to the end.
Hulk isolates in a corner, back against the wall. Hawkeye tries to talk. He raises a hand to say no. My evening in summary: yell, drink coffee, yell again, spill the coffee, yell some more. Good night! Up next: 'My 600-Lb Neighbor: He Makes Noise at 3 AM.' Shocking testimonies.
Matchday 4 — vs Philadelphia Injury-Report
82-118 (L)
Hawkeye, this respected competitor, embraces the cathedral silence! Game on!
Albus Dumbledore, this versatile guy, gets the look from the left corner but the lid's on the rim!
The BFG passes to nobody! This surprise package with a head-scratching decision!
Albus Dumbledore falls asleep on the weak side! Injury-prone body exposed!
The BFG lets fly the towel! This who-is-this-guy player showing hot head!
Halftime whistle. Hulk spits into the trash can walking into the locker room. Locker room intel: Hulk has a tattoo of a basketball hoop on his butt. That's commitment. We're back! Flushed cheeks and hungry eyes on the players.
Hulk can't convert! The scientist's touch with the hidden truth deserted them!
Hawkeye is running on pure willpower! This respected competitor refusing to quit!
Albus Dumbledore throws it into traffic! Reckless pass, the headmaster in france got too confident!
Hawkeye, this do-it-all player, shows negative body language! Defense that's basically a suggestion creeping in!
Albus Dumbledore tips the cap to the winners! The headmaster in france's grace with the bustling campus!
Hulk collapses into the first available chair. Barry Allen stays standing, eyes glazed over. Fun fact: my sound engineer fell asleep during the second quarter. I woke him with an elbow. Sleep tight! Coming up: 'Forensic Files: Who Finished the Milk Without Telling Anyone.'
Matchday 5 — vs Phoenix No-Defense
78-123 (L)
This respected competitor Hawkeye gets the crowd going early! The energy is building!
Barry Allen, this swiss-army-knife type, gets the separation but can't finish! Shaky emotions under pressure!
The BFG, this all-around player, telegraphs the pass! Intercepted at the buzzer!
Albus Dumbledore loses their assignment! Like losing their school bell in the workshop!
The BFG, this newcomer, yells at the coaching staff! Hot head causing friction!
The players disappear into the tunnel. The BFG asks for an ice pack. Fun fact: The BFG tried to negotiate a 'mandatory nap' clause in his contract. Denied. Back at it! The players jog toward center court.
Hawkeye with the contested alley-oop off the pick and roll! No good! Bad selection!
Barry Allen grimaces through the effort! The grimace of a superhero finishing the game!
Hulk, this do-it-all player, fumbles the entry pass on the low block!
Hawkeye slams the Wilson in frustration! Hot head on full display!
Hawkeye fires away to the tunnel in disappointment. This player on the come-up will learn from this.
Hulk leaves the court at a jog. Hawkeye stays there, planted at center court, motionless. During the game, my colleague ordered sushi. It arrived at the final buzzer. Perfect timing. Thanks for being here. Coming up: 'Forbidden Zone: Behind the Scenes of a Vending Machine.'
Matchday 6 — vs Los Angeles Nursing-Home
76-121 (L)
The game begins and Albus Dumbledore is ready! You can see iron discipline written all over his face!
Hulk whiffs on the jumper! A scientist off their game with their lab notebook!
Albus Dumbledore with a wild pass that sails out! This first-ballot legend giving it away!
This well-respected player Barry Allen gives up the offensive rebound! Occasional mental lapses when boxing out!
The BFG storms to the bench! This raw talent is visibly upset!
Break. Hawkeye asks the medical staff for coffee. Request denied. Did you know Hawkeye keeps a photo of his dog in his right shoe? It's a Bichon. There they are. The coach must have found the right words.
Hulk forces an and-one from the left corner! This certified GOAT candidate trying too hard!
The BFG, this surprise package, with the tired turnover! Legs and mind fatigued!
Albus Dumbledore, this versatile guy, gets stripped along the baseline! Injury-prone body exposed!
The BFG glares at the scoreboard! This hidden prospect not happy with the situation!
This guy nobody was talking about The BFG shakes hands and moves on. In the end, lack of consistency proved costly.
Hulk bites his lip, fists clenched. Hawkeye shakes his head slowly, in disbelief. Confession: I bet against my favorite team tonight. Superstition. It works half the time. See you soon. In the meantime: 'Wipeout: IKEA on a Saturday.' Worse than the actual obstacles.
Matchday 7 — vs Toronto Border-Patrol
86-115 (L)
Albus Dumbledore, this do-it-all player, is introduced and the arena explodes! This global icon is in the building!
This first-ballot legend Albus Dumbledore whiffs on a half-court heave! The crowd groans!
Hawkeye with the backcourt violation! This seasoned vet under too much pressure!
Albus Dumbledore overcommits and gets beat! Occasional mental lapses when reading the play!
A catch-and-shoot triple from Barry Allen! This player making noise is putting on a show tonight!
Break. The coach is yelling in the tunnel, Barry Allen picks up the pace. Juicy intel: Barry Allen turned down an endorsement deal because he'd have to wear a mascot costume. Alright, it's time. The second half waits for no one.
The BFG, this swiss-army-knife type, waves off the play call! Limited stamina hurting the team!
The BFG crosses over but overcooks it! Limited stamina showing up again!
Barry Allen goes small-ball! Adapting like a superhero who reads the room!
This certified GOAT candidate Hulk has heavy legs! The pace has been brutal!
The BFG, this rising star, takes the loss hard. Occasional mental lapses at the wrong moments.
Barry Allen mutters while walking out. Hawkeye watches from the corner of his eye, worried. My evening? I spent it holding back tears. Of joy? Of exhaustion? Both. Alright, good night! Up next: 'Planet Earth: Exploring the World from My Couch.' Immersive documentary.
Matchday 8 — vs Minnesota Ice-Wall
80-125 (L)
This player on the come-up Barry Allen comes out firing! A bank shot in the first minute!
An off-balance shot attempt by The BFG falls short! Tendency to force bad shots in the legs!
Hulk loses the ball! A scientist would never be this careless!
Hawkeye gets caught flat-footed! This player making noise beaten to the spot!
The BFG, this smooth operator, throws the hands up! Exasperated on the low block!
Halftime! Hulk checks his stats on the board and winces. Anecdote: Hulk lost a bet and had to wear the center's shoes during warm-ups. Size 16. Back in action! The coach got the message across.
A devastating dunk from Hulk goes in and out! Heartbreaking from the right corner!
The BFG misses from fatigue! This potential breakout star can't get the elevation facing the rim!
Hulk with the travel! Footwork confusion worthy of a lost scientist!
This league veteran Hawkeye fouls hard out of frustration! Defense that's basically a suggestion showing!
Hulk, this tweener, hangs the head. Tough loss despite insane court vision effort.
Barry Allen slams his fist on the bench. The BFG places his palm flat, as if to calm the surface. On my end, the AC in the booth broke down. I sweated more than The BFG. Alright, good night! Up next: 'Secret Life of Your Mailman.' Episode 47.
Matchday 9 — vs Houston Blast-Off
81-126 (L)
Albus Dumbledore begins their shift on the den! A headmaster in france starting the their school bell shift!
Hawkeye, this all-around player, bobbles the pill and the chance evaporates from mid-range!
Turnover by Barry Allen! Competing the game requires less coordination, clearly!
Barry Allen gets crossed over! Ankles broken like the game on a rough day!
The BFG, this dark horse, refuses to high-five! Hot head hurting the chemistry!
The players disappear. The BFG has a makeshift neck brace out of a towel. Small detail: The BFG wears mismatched socks every game. Calls it a strategy. Back at it! The players jog toward center court.
Hawkeye, this do-it-all player, gets stuffed trying a hook shot! Denied!
The BFG posts up but the legs won't cooperate! Hot head catching up!
Hulk botches the handoff! Even their lab notebook exchanges go smoother!
This undisputed superstar Albus Dumbledore slaps the floor in anger! The frustration is palpable!
Barry Allen, this respected competitor, will be back stronger. This defeat fuels the fire.
Hulk punches his locker when he gets to the locker room. Barry Allen slides down the wall to the floor. I tried to take a selfie with the court in the background. My thumb is over the lens. Alright, good night! Up next: 'Secret Life of Your Mailman.' Episode 47.
Matchday 10 — vs Denver Horse-Track
85-130 (L)
This league veteran Hawkeye means business! Fast start at half court!
The BFG, this dark horse, pulls the trigger along the baseline but no luck!
The BFG throws it away! Tendency to rush under pressure under the basket!
Albus Dumbledore can't stay in front! Commanding the bustling campus doesn't build lateral quickness!
Hulk pounds the scorer's table! Frustrated! The scientist in them is showing!
Rest time. Hulk isolates in a corner of the locker room, headphones on. Fun fact: Hulk was voted best-looking player on the team. By his mom. In a poll she created herself. Back for seconds. The court is shining, and so are the players.
This all-time great Albus Dumbledore misses the mark! A reverse layup goes begging driving to the hoop!
Hulk, this tweener, looks exhausted from mid-range! The legs are gone!
Albus Dumbledore turns it over in the center circle! Butterfingers from this headmaster in france!
The BFG rises up and kicks the stanchion! This hidden prospect losing composure!
Barry Allen gave it everything! Everything a superhero has, left on the court!
Barry Allen bites his lip, fists clenched. Hawkeye shakes his head slowly, in disbelief. Fun fact: my driver has been waiting in the parking lot for an hour. He's sent me 14 messages. See you soon. And now: '911: My Cat Climbed on Top of the Wardrobe.'
Matchday 11 — vs New York Over-Timers
75-120 (L)
Hulk fires up the crowd to open the game! This guy with rings on every finger starting strong!
Hulk gets a clean look but tendency to rush costs the bucket!
Hawkeye pulls up into a trap! Ego the size of Texas when reading the defense!
Albus Dumbledore fouls trying to recover! Desperate as a headmaster in france chasing the bustling campus!
The BFG drops the head after another miss! Ego the size of Texas sapping the confidence!
Halftime whistle. The BFG spits into the trash can walking into the locker room. Fun fact: The BFG got rejected at a casting for a deodorant commercial. The irony. The players are back. The court had time to dry, at least.
Albus Dumbledore can't get it to fall! Gravity treats the pill differently than the bustling campus!
This player on the come-up Hawkeye can barely get up the court! Fatigue setting in!
The BFG shoots the Wilson right to the defense! Costly mistake by this total unknown!
This up-and-coming baller Hawkeye throws an elbow in frustration! Lack of consistency on full display!
Hulk walks off in defeat! Even a scientist's skills couldn't save tonight!
Barry Allen's gaze is cold, distant. The BFG's gaze is hot, angry. Your commentator survived one game, four coffees, and a sandwich of questionable date. We're done here. Up next: 'Top Chef: Microwave Edition.' Bon appetit.
Matchday 12 — vs Cleveland Twin-Towers
78-123 (L)
Hulk steps onto the court! From discoverring the hidden truth to this, game time!
Hulk, this smooth operator, wastes a golden chance with a wild step-back three!
The BFG dishes into a dead end at half court! Turnover! Injury-prone body!
Albus Dumbledore caught flat-footed! Standing still, the headmaster in france reflexes took a nap!
The BFG, this raw talent, with the frustrated foul! Ego the size of Texas in tough moments!
Buzzer sounds, halftime! Hulk walks head down toward the tunnel. I've been told Hulk always puts his left shoe on first. The one day he switched, gave up 40 points. Alright, it's time. The second half waits for no one.
Barry Allen air-mails a hook shot at half court! Way off for this respected competitor!
Hulk misses the rotation! Too tired, like a scientist too tired for the hidden truth!
Albus Dumbledore coughs up the Spalding! Tendency to rush strikes again from the left corner!
Hulk slaps the floor in frustration! Slapping harder than a scientist hits the workbench!
Barry Allen takes the loss hard! Hard as the game on a bad superhero day!
The BFG sits on the bench, staring into nothing. Hulk has his head in his hands. My evening in summary: yell, drink coffee, yell again, spill the coffee, yell some more. See you tomorrow. In the meantime, it's 'Who Wants to Marry My Goldfish.' Good luck with that.
Matchday 13 — vs Boston Ring-Chasers
74-118 (L)
The BFG, this swiss-army-knife type, announced to huge cheers! An electric crowd!
Hulk with the ugly miss! The scientist touch is absent tonight!
Hulk dribbles it off their foot! Their lab notebook would never betray a scientist like that!
Hawkeye gets burned on the drive! Limited stamina in lateral movement!
Hawkeye drives away from the huddle! This league veteran in a dark place mentally!
Break! Albus Dumbledore takes his jersey off before even reaching the locker room. Rumor has it Albus Dumbledore does 100 push-ups before every game. Or 10. Depends who you ask. The players emerge from the tunnel. Stern faces, clenched fists.
This player on the come-up Hawkeye shanks a layup facing the rim! That's uncharacteristic!
Barry Allen calls for the sub! Even a superhero's stamina with their bare hands has limits!
This certified GOAT candidate Hulk loses concentration and the damn ball with it!
Albus Dumbledore storms to the bench! Heated! This headmaster in france doesn't handle losing well!
The BFG drives past the media. This guy nobody was talking about not in the mood to talk.
Barry Allen sits on the bench, staring into nothing. Hawkeye has his head in his hands. During the break, I tried to juggle three balls. My cameraman filmed everything. It'll come out someday. Thanks everyone. Up next: 'Survivor: Open-Plan Office.' Whoever makes it through the 5 PM meeting wins.
Matchday 14 — vs San Antonio Skyscrapers
80-124 (L)
And we're underway! Barry Allen touches the basketball first! This respected competitor looks eager!
Hawkeye lets fly but it's well off! Limited stamina under fatigue!
This league veteran Hawkeye forces a pass into double coverage! Picked off!
Barry Allen beaten to the spot! Slower than a superhero on a Monday morning!
Albus Dumbledore, this combo guard, pounds the scorer's table! Shaky emotions under pressure on full display!
Halftime! Hulk looks in the mirror and shakes his head. Did you know Hulk once tried to start an ASMR podcast of sneaker squeaks on the hardwood? One episode. Deleted. Second half! The crowd is on its feet, and so are the players.
The BFG forces a bad devastating dunk! This dude out of nowhere needs to trust teammates!
This player making noise Hawkeye stumbles! The fatigue is real after this ball game!
Hawkeye, this versatile guy, steps out of bounds with the damn ball! Mental lapse!
This hooper's hooper Barry Allen shakes the head in disbelief! Nothing going right!
Hawkeye reflects on what could have been. Sometimes predictable game the difference tonight.
Barry Allen kicks his towel across the floor. Hawkeye has already left for the locker room, alone. As for me, I powered through three coffees and a gas station sandwich. The glamorous life of sports journalism. See you soon. Coming up: 'Extreme Couponing: Family of Eight at Walmart.' Double episode.
Matchday 15 — vs Oklahoma City Treasure-Chest
76-120 (L)
Game time! Albus Dumbledore and this once-in-a-lifetime player ready to put on a show at the floor!
Albus Dumbledore misses! Even a headmaster in france can't fix that shot!
Albus Dumbledore loses the leather in traffic! This absolute legend can't afford that!
The BFG turns the head and loses the man! This hidden prospect napping defensively!
This household name Hulk can't believe the call! Arguing with the ref!
First half is done. Albus Dumbledore is chugging Gatorade like it's water. Little scoop: Albus Dumbledore logs every game in a notebook. With stars and smiley faces. At that age. Break's over, the players take their positions.
An alley-oop from Hawkeye hits the iron! Shaky emotions under pressure under the spotlight!
Hulk is huffing and puffing! Winded, even a scientist would call it quits!
Barry Allen tries to be too fancy and loses the basketball! Shaky emotions under pressure in the decision-making!
Albus Dumbledore, this basketball god, barks at the teammate! Tendency to force bad shots taking over!
The BFG, this tweener, trudges off the venue. Lessons to take from this one.
Albus Dumbledore turns back to look at the court one last time. Hawkeye doesn't turn around. My evening? A microphone, cold coffee, and the greatest show on earth. What more could you ask for. Good evening! Up next: 'Criminal Minds: Finding the Colleague Who Steals Yogurt from the Fridge.'
My Team finishes #16 (0W-15L). Better luck next season! MVP: Barry Allen.
Season Journal
Buckle up, pull your visor down, and clench everything you've got because tonight we are NOT talking about some pickup game at the park. Hell no. We're talking about an arena shaking so hard the neighbors called the cops three times before tip-off. We're talking about a franchise built on decades of sweat, tears, heart-stopping buzzer-beaters, and Draft picks so bold that half the league thought they'd lost their minds. And yet, here they are, back and hungrier than ever. The team with no name, baby!
Now let's talk about the man who moves jerseys faster than hot dogs at the concession stand. Barry Allen. Just the name sends chills through the building. The man is massive, arms that cover half the court, and a basketball IQ so fast that defenders feel like they're playing in slow motion. This man doesn't walk, he glides. He doesn't jump, he launches into orbit. And when he locks eyes with you before a free throw, you feel like YOU'RE the one about to catch the ball in your face.
You want to know the difference between a good player and a damn franchise player? It's the fourth quarter. When the legs are burning, when the lungs are begging for mercy, when the scoreboard is taunting you with a tight score, that's when he lights up. Like a diesel engine finally hitting its temperature. The first three quarters are the warm-up. The fourth quarter is his hunting ground. And the prey? It's the teams that thought they had a chance.
Okay, this is either pure genius or a complete mental breakdown, I honestly can't tell yet. The wild card, the stroke of brilliance or insanity depending on how many beers you've had, is that the coach decided to pull a move never before seen in league history: he signed The BFG, his brother-in-law and an amateur by trade, on a ten-day contract. The guy showed up to the bench wearing a bucket hat, carrying bare hands and a cooler, surrounded by 7-foot giants who weigh three times as much. Apparently the coach's theory is that if The BFG can place a basketball with the same precision he uses for the game to "bullseye" the opposing center's head, we've got the play of the century. So far, the guy's biggest achievement is attempting a three-pointer with an underhand toss and asking the ref where the jack ball was. It's absolute madness, the fans are split between hysterical laughter and total despair, but one thing's for sure: no one's ever seen a timeout with such a strong smell of beef jerky and cheap beer on the bench.
Let's talk budget, and by "budget" I mean the spare change you find between the couch cushions. These guys are so far under the salary floor that the league literally has to GIVE them money to meet the minimum. This is the squad that travels by Greyhound bus and washes their own jerseys. No stars, just hungry rookies on two-way deals and bitter vets signed for the minimum. It's the perfect setup for tanking your way to a top Draft pick, but for the fans, it's a damn desert crossing.
My Team finishes #16 (0W-15L). Better luck next season! MVP: Barry Allen.
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